Citation: SeeK. "Emotionally Engulfed in Life: An Experience with DMT (exp104390)". Erowid.org. Aug 22, 2018. erowid.org/exp/104390
||(powder / crystals)
||(powder / crystals)
Initial dose: 30 mgs
Breakthrough dose: 55-60mgs
Date Experienced: September 10, 2014
Beginning of Experience:
The time was 12:30PM on a Wednesday, I had no obligations until 3:30, and even those were minimal. I had purchased 200mg of DMT-N from the silk road a week prior, and today when I woke up, my mind was made up to take my best shot at breaking through. When I went to acquire the Bitcoin to purchase it, I asked my friend to sell some to me, he remarked that he had an excess of Bitcoin and gave me the amount necessary for the purchase, wishing me well. I've heard rumors that gifted DMT has the best luck to breakthrough, not that I took them seriously. Still it added a good feeling and made the experience really come together. In the past I had tried locally bought DMT but it had no effect. With this much more legitimate product, I expected better results and was feeling very positive.
I took a small marijuana pipe(with almost no use), put a screen inside and started piling the DMT in the bowl, at around 30 mg I stopped and put tobacco ashes on top(I have heard this is the best way to smoke it). I had previously set up a shrine in my room with blue lighting and some candles, and was completely prepared mentally. (Making a shrine and being alone both contributed to my experience. I encourage others to limit distractions and social interactions). Feeling very ready, I lit my small butane torch to take a hit. Unfortunately I had horrible luck and the butane lighter ran out of fuel about halfway through one hit of the DMT I had prepared. I scrambled to light it some other way, but it was too late. I was already feeling the DMT what I thought to be very strongly and turned off my main light and laid back in my bed. I started to feel and see ribbons of light and in the top part of my vision I saw the start of some symbol that looked distant and important. However, the symbol was blurry at best, and the light started to fade quickly, in around 2 minutes, the strong feelings I had in my entire body drifted away around this time too, and about 8 minutes after smoking I felt completely sober. I took a minute and decided that I certainly did not get where I was trying to go, and that I should try again with a new setup for a better result.
The DMT I had already packed was only about half gone, and I added more on top than I had initially had in the bowl. My guess is around 55-60 mgs filled the bowl at this point, and I took a few minutes to get back in the mood with some deep breathing. This time I used a regular lighter and held it about 4 inches from the bowl with no ashes. It is in my understanding that a torch lighter with DMT is where ashes are needed as a filter, but with a regular bic lighter, I feel the heat is not too intense if handled carefully. I was able to take a really good long drag and vaporize the DMT like I have seen others do. My experience with smoking cannabis and BHO oil prepared my throat and lungs through the years and has given me good lung control. I was able to inhale steadily and slowly for a full 20 seconds of DMT smoke. It was not harsh at first and I felt it fill up my body, kind of like thick hookah smoke will sometimes feel. I breathed out after holding it in about 12 seconds then quickly vaporized the rest, a second massive hit. When I breathed out the second hit (which was more harsh/possibly more thick) I could barely hold up the bowl and just let it drop down to my carpet.
My whole body felt different than ever before in my life, and my vision was already completely different. At around this point it became very likely to me that I would succeed in 'breaking through' as other psychonauts say. I was seeing everything in normal proportions, but it was already tinted in a dark dream-like hue that was changing colours now, quickly. The feelings on my body intensified and I felt myself start to understand DMT . Clear thoughts consumed my mind that the DMT was taking over and it regulated my entire process of body and self. My breathing was no longer unconscious, it was involved; symbolic and intense, as the DMT made me take massively deep breaths.
My breathing was no longer unconscious, it was involved; symbolic and intense, as the DMT made me take massively deep breaths.
I felt compelled to lay back and could hardly move my body, my last bit of conscious game effort was to hit the lights and make sure that my door was locked so I wouldn't be disturbed. I heard cars outside then questioned whether the sounds were really cars, as the noise became regular then warped in pitch and tone, I gave up listening and laid back. Now to explain what was going on next as the DMT began to climax it is first necessary to explain some thoughts that I had been having throughout my life and in general. Long before the DMT trip, but certainly recently because of some LSA I had tripped on a couple weeks prior to this experience. Nearly everyone is compelled to question the process of life, and this curiosity that I have always experienced led me to learn about and finally to reject more monotheistic religions. However, I have always believed in a spirituality between people and the world that we all share, but I never really put it into real perspective for myself.
When the DMT trip began I started to have thoughts about what I have experienced in my life and the general connection I feel to the people and the world around me. I felt truly convinced that what I was partipating in, with my existence, was IT. There was no afterlife, or heaven afterward, only the life we are given and the life we share. And as my vision faded and changed from my room to a new dimension I felt a deep connection with the process of life in general, I felt it always changing and flowing and evolving,(at what felt like roller coaster-like speed) and this is when I became truly 100% convinced that there is nothing else but the connections we share and the things we learn, and that should be enough for people. I was consumed of thoughts of being better, of eating healthier, of working out harder, to spread as much kindness with the people I interacted with as possible. The feeling of life, of stimulation, of living and existing was never so strong and present in me than in this one moment. This all hit me pretty hard and it was very emotional, and I had a cleansing spout of tears that ended up being a solid 7 minutes of intense joyful sobbing. It was completely out of my control, though I had coherent thoughts throughout. It was a very special moment of just truly wanting to exist and the euphoria it gave me lasted for a least the next week after, though the thoughts I experienced will hopefully impact my life as a whole.
While these thoughts and emotions were overtaking me, the visuals were unlike any I have seen before. The first thing I saw began with the symbol I had glimpsed at earlier, much clearer now, and they (DMT forces) took control and lead me. I felt myself closing my eyes and beginning to watch the symbol with full focus. This symbol was actually made up of many smaller pieces and it appeared indefinitely complex, with an infinite number of smaller and smaller parts. Together they formed an arrangement of shapes and patterns that I would normally associate with letters combined with facial expressions, and the shapes had a flowing liquid plasma-like substance running through the middle. The plasma-like liquid shone with deep shifting neon colours that flowed indefinitely with hues of the spectrum. When I opened my eyes, the pattern I just described was projected onto my entire field of vision, and as a result, my bedroom walls were warped to the image. My curtains were now circular, and my posters strewn all around the walls with no concrete edges. Sound all around me was different in a way that I couldn't process.(This surprised me as music is my main passion)
By this point I didn't know if my roommates were home or not. This pattern turned dark as it engulfed my vision, and it seemed to no longer matter if my eyes were open or closed. Suddenly I strongly wanted to shut my eyes, and when I did, I saw groups of people but with their faces out of view. I was thinking how these were people that I didn 't know but I knew I could completely imagine an individual personality for them to possess. With a personality I saw how these people could participate in life and who they could become when they begin to develop, pursue knowledge, and interact with others. Feeling a real consciousness of these people I didn't know personally, I felt their life-force with me and frowned at how anyone can pretend that anyone is less than equal. These people started decreasing in number, as my conscious drifted seemingly upward and larger groups of people were slid away as smaller groups came into clarity. Finally my consciousness stopped drifting and I was viewing two females, whose heads were still not in view, and their skin color was continuously shifting from lighter to darker tones and vice versa. The scope of vision in my head shifted seemingly upward again (though I couldn't move it up by looking up physically) To the legs of a man which seemed to be to me the third part of a string of connected hallucinations. I saw this final person, this man in my mind, and I knew this man to be the portrayal of God. I tried about as hard as I could to look up past the legs and see his face but I couldn't. That is when I realized I couldn't see his face because his face was shown in the symbols earlier, and he is a part of each of us, impossible to individualized. This is around the time where I was crying the hardest, the climax of the experience. Very quickly after this I was still immobile but last of the 3 dimensional visions shimmered away. It felt natural to open my eyes after this, and I saw what seemed to be an ocean of tranquility and blue endless space wash over my curtains, bed frame, wall. I reflected on how I can be a better person in more detail. I felt more confident could following my own values and defining my life based on my decisions, not the values and decisions of my parents who raised me. I saw the blue oceanic visions fade fairly quickly, as a wave of euphoria passed through my body slowly and distinctively. After a couple minutes all hallucinations had faded and I stood up and felt a wonderful shiver pass through my entire being, stronger than any shiver I have ever had. After this I came off in a uplifted and relaxed mood for the rest of the day.
I had a great realization, and I had been trying for years to acquire DMT. It was incredibly insightful and gratifying overall.
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