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My Most Beautiful Experience
Ibogaine
by Marie
Citation:   Marie. "My Most Beautiful Experience: An Experience with Ibogaine (exp104421)". Erowid.org. Jan 24, 2016. erowid.org/exp/104421

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
  oral Ibogaine (capsule)
  T+ 0:45   oral Ibogaine (capsule)

BODY WEIGHT: 100 lb


I took the ibogaine a day and a half after my 25th birthday. I had been addicted to heroin since I was almost 21 years old. I had tried kicking before but not for some time and never more than for a few days. I used my last dose at 10 AM Tuesday morning and I started taking my ibogaine in capsules I had put them in at 6PM that night. Now I don't think anyone should do this at home when there are clinics but this was my last chance. I was so sick of the life that I did not care if I died so I figured 'what the hell...' I had taken it once before but in too small an amount for true addiction interruption and not only was it really intense but it happened right as the Sandy Hook shooting happened which really messed me up for a long time and scared me away from taking it again.

My fiance was there to take care of me and when I started to freak about at 45 minutes into the experience he calmed me down by telling me there was nothing to do but go through with it and only time would cure it. He had me lay down in a dark room with a candle right away. Almost 2 hours in I felt myself really going into it and hurried and took the rest of my dose. My body was burning all over and although it did not hurt it was not pleasant either. There was also the telltale metallic buzzing that seems common in reports but for me it seemed to be an intelligence of its own. Like it came with the iboga and was there to see me through. At this point I can't keep my eyes open and I go into the dream world.

I start in this dark world or realm seems to be like a hell where I am reborn from a plant. New and clean a shaman looking man comes to me and tells me 'Finally I have been waiting for you'. I think this is the iboga spirit and I go with him where he shows me over and over the words addict and addicted telling me I am not an addict unless I choose to be addicted. Over and over. This is where my experience becomes unlike everything I have read. Apparently I did vomit several times small amounts and then got out of bed and put myself in the bathroom with blankets and pillows but I have no memory of any of this.

I then go into several different realities that I live in for months and years. These realities are in the past and future and present and all over the world, one in space and one in a different world entirely. Every reality I lived in was a metaphor or sometimes more direct for the things I needed to be shown and live.
Every reality I lived in was a metaphor or sometimes more direct for the things I needed to be shown and live.
I won't go into a lot of detail because there was so much, when I wrote it down for myself it was over 10 pages single spaced typed and I keep adding to it as I remember more. One day I will put it out there but not until I am satisfied with it because how beautiful the experience was for me. But in one vision I was travelling to different places where certain special things were supposed to happen and it wasn't until a goddess like entity came and told me I was expecting things to happen just so and that is why it would not work for me every time I tried. I then let go and the amazing things started working for me. I took this to mean I should relax on expecting things to turn out just right. I later experienced almost like a movie how the human race would end itself. This kept replaying over and over with a small change every time where I got further and further until I figured out a way to stop it. I took this as telling me not only could I change but I could cause it as well.
I also lived in several worlds where my fiance and I kept using and in each one we became terrible people and something terrible happened as a result. This message was very clear to me. It kept on like this though with all these different realities I kept living in to learn certain lessons. They seemed as real to me as anything and in fact when I came out of it they were registered as memories and I kept insisting for instance that we had went to France which is one of the places I went in my head because that was how vivid it was.

The mistake I made was traveling very soon afterwards.
The mistake I made was traveling very soon afterwards.
I had a flight Thursday night at midnight that I missed so I got one Friday morning to go across the country to my family so I could break my habit. The problem was even though I took it Tuesday evening I was in the trip until Thursday at midnight and I wasn't right for days after. That means I tripped for about 52 hours with an additional 2 hour come up and about a 4 day come down during which time I could barely walk, eat or take care of myself. I did still have about 20 to 30% of the withdrawals I would have gotten and still had cravings for about 2 weeks which then went away.

I know this works better for some people and isn't so intense but I am so grateful for what it did for me and I know this is a divine gift. I am ready to literally dedicate the rest of my life to it because it was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced and although it hasn't been that long I have no desire to ever do addiction to myself again. I recommend anyone with an addiction try this and go in with an open mind. I also recommend going to a clinic because I lost 15 lbs I couldn't afford to lose and almost died. I hope this beautiful drug however gets the credit it deserves. Sorry I am all over the place I still am not 100% as of now but had to get it out. Everything is so beautiful now I can't help but cry at their beauty.

[Reported Dose: '.6 TA .9 HCL']

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 104421
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 25 
Published: Jan 24, 2016Views: 3,785
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Ibogaine (28) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4), Addiction & Habituation (10), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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