Here I Am Again...
Citation: Sinasbin. "Here I Am Again...: An Experience with (Datura, Coleus, Aloe) Ointment & LSD (exp104424)". Erowid.org. Oct 13, 2016. erowid.org/exp/104424
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It is now 11:35 P.M. as I sit here writing these words. In the timeless span of a mere eight hours after my ingestion of LSD I can now safely say that I arrived back in my earthly coil for at least the near foreseeable future, however far that could possibly be.
As my vision still pulsates with the rippling, geodesic shapes to the tune of some massive, incomprehensible algorithm (algor-RHYTHM) the likes of which I could never possibly hope to grasp, I have found it somewhat necessary--this time around--to chronicle my experience.
My girlfriend had just gotten home from the hospital. She had just had an invasive procedure performed (minor surgery, Upper GI Endoscopy) to which she had been given Versed and Benadryl during the actual procedure and was now recovering from the after-effects.
We had discussed the day previous that I would be taking the LSD sometime that weekend, though the exact time of my 'departure' was not specified. It actually coincided perfectly with her 'sleeping off' the initial effects of her dosages from the hospital.
I must admit, the idea of sitting on a potential '6 hits' of acid definitely stirred in me the desire to get the ball rolling, so, after arriving home, I promptly cut my blotter in half and took 3 doses down the hatch.
The blotter itself was something that came upon me quite suddenly. One day my distant friend and coworker Chris texts me, 'Do you want mushrooms? I can get acid too.' To which I distinctly remember with fondness replying, 'YES!!!'
So, a day or two later, here I have this tiny square with some lightning bolts on it. Okay, so, here we go, we'll see if you're worth the paper you're dripped on.
And so now here we were, with my girlfriend laying peacefully in the living room with her dream pillow (she loves her pillow) in the afternoon sunlight, and I was to be found next door in the master bedroom dissolving the first portion of my trip in my mouth.
The comeuppance of it all came on rather gracefully, gently even. I had managed to find, underneath our bed (littered with various books on philosophy and the arcane, a veritable 'wizard's library' under our bed! Monsters under the bed!) a book entitled, 'The Great Waldo Search' by Martin Handford. A book, it had turned out, I could never seem to willfully dispose.
The irony of finding this book to use as a stepping off point for the trip was not lost for a moment, and I welcomed the nostalgic pull back to my childhood as the effects of the acid were slowly starting to creep up into the open recesses of my mind.
It became a game for me, finding Waldo and his Wizard companion, and his scrolls. All the while the acid started to take hold, making the lines of the drawings crisper. Bringing to light all the little details Martin had plied on each and every character. As I went from page-to-page, world-to-world, things got noticeably livelier one moment after the next.
The acid was proving to be a worthwhile investment. This made me laugh. The electric currents now softly began to run through me. I began to fully appreciate how the interplay of light and shadow reflected off the hairs of my arms. How everything in the room took on soft, golden hues, interspersed with purple and green.
My brain would suffer the occasional 'zap' of my grow-lamp buzzing out of control for brief little explosions of sound. Which invariably remind me of what to expect, as I was expecting it, and laughing at the realization of it all.
My bedroom is a little something that needs explaining. I have a grow-lamp in our bedroom that grows my three friends. The first is Al. He's an Aloe Vera plant (with many 'pups' at the moment). The second is Coleus. A plant possessing a very pleasurable aesthetic (just like its master ;D ). Picture vibrant, green-tipped leaves of dark purple/amber/maroon metallic hues. And my third, and perhaps most important friend, Datura Inoxia.
Yes, I have a beautiful Datura Inoxia plant in my bedroom that I have been cultivating for several years. I had been trying to align myself with its spirit all the while, and have taken it quite slowly, out of the fear and respect it both duly deserves.
This plant, however, is mentioned because of the role it has to play in this particular experience.
With my ascension in full swing, I managed to find another potent object underneath my bed. This was an object I had found amidst a particularly foreboding Mescaline trip from many years prior and had subsequently made its way to my dusty bin of antiquities. It was a stone. A very hard, very dense piece of white quartz intermixed with equal parts blood red thulite.
To have seen this stone when it first came into my consciousness so many years ago was a sight to behold indeed. I remember, distinctly, waves of energy rushing over and through this stone. Almost as if it were unmoved by the very swirls and vortices of energy. A veritable port in the storm, so to speak.
And now, ironically (a word quite common to the LSD trip you will find) it served as exactly the sort as I held it in the palm of my hand, utterly dumbstruck at the way the light and energy would tessellate over the surface of its utterly dense existence. Unaware to how truly powerful this device might be for anchoring oneself within the very essence of space and time.
Here was a thing if ever there was one. This rock had suddenly become my focal point for everything there ever was to conceive about the conceivability of everything. As I would continue to hold this rock and pontificate these thoughts, countless hours, days, months, years would pass by in the form of mere moments, indecipherable as to whatever exact, measurable units of time were actually spent.
Yes, yes. Everything was going just as planned. But, my plans were a bit more maligned than anticipated (isn't that how things always happen to be revealed when on an acid trip).
I had recently made a batch of flying ointment that I been working up the nerve to try, waiting for a worthy, whimsical moment such as this. The ointment consisted of melting a couple cups of lard into a liquid and mixing equal parts coleus and datura (about 3 cups of each, fresh and finely processed). To which I simmered for several hours together with a few leaves of Al, of which I had graciously accepted, that I had thrown into the mix for good measure.
After the simmering, I strained out the plant material and set into a container for cooling, but not before FIRST adding several dropperfuls of a tincture I had made strictly from parts of the Datura plant. This tincture was made from straight EverClear poured over plant material and set for about two and a half-weeks in a cool, dark place.
And so, here we have the culimination of all that work coming to a head, in the form of me slathering my temples, armpits, underside of my legs and feet, and genitalia with the jade green mixture. A sight to behold, to be sure. And well on my way for blast off. Or so I at least anticipated.
As I lay in a meditative state on the floor beside the bed and the plants, I hear a stirring in the next room. My beloved comes in the room, groggy and disheveled and hungry. She looks at the naked man lying on the floor, and says, 'Oh, are you meditating?' and then groggily walks back into the living room. I love my girlfriend :)
The last vestiges of ordinary reality are now far behind, as I lay with my eyes closed, envisioning electric, pulsating, rhythmical masses of flesh that are tessellating and spinning to some weird sense of cosmic assertion that, at the time, I am completely aware of the profundity of it all, whilst in the same vein completely ignorant of why it happens to be that way, but yet, knowing that--in and of itself--brings a smile to my face.
My girlfriend has now come to her senses and is talking to me from the dining room. She is going over the post-op paperwork and joking about all the silly formalities on the paperwork. She is utterly lucid with her humor, and I can't help but be infatuated with her charm and overall life force that she is now clearly exuding.
The culmination of her finding out just what was wrong with her, combined with the empathetic effects of the LSD that I am impacting her with are not taken for granted. She talks with me of how she feels as if 'a great weight has been lifted off her shoulders.' I smile at her, she still has no idea of where I am at 'mind-space'-wise.
I sit there in awe of how absolutely beautiful she is, as she is talking with me about the moments she is starting to remember with the nurses and the doctor. Every thing she says is joyful in every sense of the word. The way she is saying it, what she's saying, how she looks as she's saying it. The syncretism of the very fabric of being is not lost on me as I sit and gaze upon this fellow creature in complete adoration.
With LSD, I am perpetually smiling, and even as I stare back into my own saucer-sized, black holes for eyes, I am smiling. As it was with this I knew I needed to take it deeper. Knowing that my tolerance would only build rapidly after this day of experience and that I wouldn't have another chance at the complete ego death I was after, I decided to eat the other half of my blotter.
This had been about two to three hours into my trip at this time. Any other seasoned LSD tripper could probably attest to the awe-inspiring visuals that were now breathing from one realm of reality into another. The patterns in themselves, in my vision, were there as if to say, 'Yes, all of this shit is happening right now, right here, forever and always. So, yeah, get used to that feeling... cause it's... right... here! now! here. now. here... now.'
I can feel the remaining blotter starting to take its effect. I am unsure as to what role, if any, the ointment is now playing. (in hindsight, I really do feel it added to the distortion of looking into the 'essence' of things, though I believe this may have been more psychosomatic as none of the typical symptoms of Datura use could be discerned) But I am sure of one thing, it feels as though the very way I am perceiving things is vibrating and moving in and out of time.
At one point, in perhaps what one would consider the apex of my trip, I remember sitting on the bed looking out the window as the sun was setting. It was shining its light through the webs of a funnel-weaver spider's abode who happened to be sitting right out in the middle of it at that moment. I was staring so intently at it, when suddenly my girlfriend comes back into the room.
She sits on the bed next to me and looks at me, and she now knows something is up, but it's something she's never experienced before. I look into her eyes and an overwhelming emotion of solidarity and connection overtakes me. She seems to discern this feeling and replies with a knowing look that felt as if the very universe had just acknowledged itself. As if the yin had just winked at the yang.
I'm a Cancer, if that means anything, and so I have no problems with admitting that I am rather in tune with my emotions. The impact this moment has on me, sitting with my girlfriend, resonates over and over again.
Then something happens. As I am sitting there staring at her, a sense of vacuity overtakes me the likes of which I hadn't foreseen. Suddenly I am staring into the face of nothing. This creature in front of me moves through a thousand iterations of life and death, dust to dust. I see this in this face. I can see it alive and dead in front of me. It is only slightly smiling at me now, as if to say it is all inevitable.
I can feel something about to dislodge in myself, and I think, looking back, this was to be myself I was to dislodge from. But, in my cowardice, I decided to not let go completely and be swept away by the crossing of pathes with the complete and utter unknown.
I regress back into the torment of trying to grasp what it is this creature has to do with this moment that now finds itself here with me. I get up and open the window for some air. I slowly start to gain a foothold on my psyche and my girlfriend appears, lovingly, once more.
She now goes back into the living room. And now I am suddenly beset by the sound of a roaring car outside. It sounds fierce and guttural. I hear it rip roar close by and it takes off in a direction I cannot see from my window. I can hear it ride long and far and free into the expansive beyond. I get lost in the sound only to find that the car has now come full circle and it is right back on the other side of the trees.
I know its there, and I desperately want to get a look at it, but everytime that it sounds like it's going to pop out from the trees it ends up going the opposite direction and then I hear it 'ride out' once more into the distance.
It becomes a game I know deep-down I have no chance of winning. Of trying to catch a glimpse of this mysterious phantom car. I have the sneaking suspicion this is perhaps what don Juan had warned Carlos about in relation to Death 'putting on its hat'.
Alas, the remainder of my trip was spent in quiet contemplation of things, from myself and the role I have to play in this lifetime, to trying to wrap my puny human intellect around the vast expanse of all known and unknown reality, and laughing and marveling at my utter failure to do so.
In retrospect, I am very glad to have made the journey back to this place yet again, and I feel it came at both the right time for myself, and my beloved girlfriend.
Anyone who happens to be scared at the prospect of trying an acid trip is by all means completely sane for thinking as much, but, for the sake of knowing, and for the sake of the universe itself and thusly consciousness itself, you owe it to yourself to face that fear, if not for the clarity that it can bring, than surely for the indescribable experience that it will impact you with, for the rest of your mortal existence (and beyond).
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