DOSE:

1 tablet

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

The first time I tried ecstasy was in the spring of 2013. This time in my life has to be put into context with the experience, as I feel as though the life experiences I was going through at the time had a significant effect on the trip itself. Not only was it my second semester of college, I had recently gone through a particularly bad break up, which coincidentally resulted in a new relationship that is still existent to this day. At the time of the experience, this person, whom I'll call F, had used the drug quite a few times and was quite assuring to me that it was something that I would enjoy, as I had only used cannabis (with frightening effects at sometimes) and other prescription drugs such as Xanax and Adderall.

The night of the trip, we arrived at a longtime friend of F’s, whom I’ll call E, at a different nearby college. E was also experienced with MDMA, and had used the drug frequently with F throughout high school. She had obtained a number of pills from a friend, and as we arrived exclaimed that they were very good (in fact, I believe she used the words “too good” at one point). We dropped the pills, which were beveled, pelleted, cross-backed, green, stamped with a question mark and said to contain 125mg of MDMA.

8:00PM T+ 0:00 dropped the pills with a glass of water.

8:15PM T+0:15 I do not feel much, but I do have a “gut feeling”, a kind of warmth in my abdomen.

8:40PM T+0:40 It almost feels as though I feel I’m about to have a panic attack, as at this time in my life I experienced these rather frequently. However, instead of feeling the familiar sense of impending doom and terror associated with panic attacks, I felt overwhelming sensations of joy, love and happiness. It was absolutely beautiful, even more so because I was completely astonished that I was indeed not having a panic attack but experiencing something entirely different. I stood from the couch I had been sitting upon and felt another intense wave of euphoria and emotion. I had never felt like this before, and was absolutely elated that I had taken the pill.

9:00PM T+1:00 At this point F begins feeling the MDMA as well. We begin to talk about how each of us is so different to the other compared to the previous people we had dated, and how everyone before treated us so terribly. We talked about how we really did love each other and that we felt like we definitely had a future together. It was one of the most intimate, loving conversations I had ever had and I had not previously thought that this degree of intimacy was even possible between two people. We spoke of our past, the friends we lost, and talked of giving our friends, who had not died but had drastically changed, ritual “funerals” in order to let the past go.

10:30PM T+2:30 Some of E’s friends arrive for a “housewarming” party and are fully aware that at this point we were rolling rather hard, and responded accordingly with hugs and conversation, which I realized afterwards really helped facilitate a positive experience for the both of us. Many of these people had used MDMA before as well and engaged us in conversation about the personal and emotional topics we seemed compelled to discuss. A particularly emotional point in the experience for me was when one her friends spoke of one of his friends that had developed schizophrenia after using psychedelics. This was a humbling part of the experience in which I realized that we are so fragile as human beings and that the air of invincibility many of us undertake is due to a universal fear that we all fear, and I remember tying fear to evil in some way during our discussions which lasted for another hour or more.

11:30PM T+3:30 Many of the guests began to leave, and at this point I remember lying down and talking to F again about my feelings for him, and I remember feeling joy once more as he affirmed his feelings for me. At this point I opened up to E about how I didn’t trust her initially (I had serious trust issues at this point in my life) but that I saw now how close of friends she was with F and that I was wrong in my mistrust. Also at this point is when I began to experience nostalgic feelings, and there was a warm sense of remembrance of my past.

12:30 T+4:30
At roughly four to four and a half hours after taking the pill, I felt a significant decrease in effects , and it occurred to me that I was most likely in the “comedown” phase of the roll. We briefly talked with E and her boyfriend about life and this particular time in our lives, and how college was where you defined who you were as a person in addition to meeting long-term significant others. After a short conversation we began to try to fall asleep.

1:00AM T+5:00 Most of the euphoria has evaporated, however I began to experience effects that I was not previously aware were possible. The CEV’s I saw after my first roll on MDMA were absolutely fantastical, vivid and beautiful. I saw a wide range of dazzling images, including most notably a caterpillar-school bus that had sneaker legs and an array of diamond and heart-shaped pixelated designs that I found actually quite comforting. One of the last images I saw I will remember forever. As I drifted off to sleep, I saw a striking image of a green question mark in my field of vision. At this point in my experience, I realized how many questions had been illuminated from the feelings and communication that had been facilitated from the roll, and that life in itself was centered around questions, from the simple to the cosmic and/or religious. The experience also allowed me to question the feelings I experienced, and caused me to wonder why I did not feel this way about myself and the world without the drug.

I would say that for me, MDMA was an overwhelmingly positive experience that also had positive after effects, not only immediately but long term, as in the days after I felt these same feelings of love for my own existence as well as the existence of everything and still have strong bonds with the people with which I experienced this beautiful, beautiful molecule.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 104572
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Dec 5, 2024	Views: Not Supported
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