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Questioned My Sanity for an Entire Month
Nitrous Oxide & Oxygen
by Paul
Citation:   Paul. "Questioned My Sanity for an Entire Month: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide & Oxygen (exp104619)". Erowid.org. Dec 28, 2022. erowid.org/exp/104619

 
DOSE:
  inhaled Nitrous Oxide (gas)
    inhaled Oxygen (gas)
BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb
Worst Experience of My Life on Nitrous Oxide

I'll start by saying this drug ended up triggering severe depersonalization/derealization and anxiety for almost 2 months.

It was August I had to get my wisdom teeth out. I was 20 and I had to leave for college in 2 weeks. I was under a lot of stress.

I went to the office around 9. I sat in the chair and I was so nervous I almost puked. They put the nitrous oxide mask over me and I started to have a mild panic attack. I was breathing very hard I was even making squeaking noises. They turned the gas on finally.

It hit me. I started to question my existence. All I could hear was my slowed down breathing and what sounded like a loop continuously playing of the surgeon talking. I couldn't move a muscle. I was completely frozen. I said 'did you take my teeth out yet' in a salad finger type creepy way. The nurse would always laugh and that made me feel better. I describe this feeling as a dream state. Like I was watching a movie of a man coming out of a coma or coming back to life and he doesn't know what is happening. Except it is real life and it wont stop.

I also kept saying to myself 'I'm not going to remember this, it's really fucked up what I'm experiencing, so I'll just forget about it and let it pass'.

But then I started to have an insane hallucination. I had no concept of space and time at this point. The doctor was talking and I didn't hear a single word. I was in my own plane of existence. It felt like demons were continuously ripping apart my legs and laughing. And I wasn't reacting to it. But my soul was screaming in pain. I started to see my girlfriend in the trip. It was just her head floating towards me. Then her face melted into a skull and it was just her jaw bone clamping up and down in my face. I could have sworn it was happening. I said at that point 'so this is what life is about.'. The doctor would also continuously repeat the same phrase 'alright paul just a little bit longer now'. It must have been about 7 times. I thought my world was looping.

About 10 minutes later they must have lowered the nitrous oxide amount and I came back to real life. I was still high as a kite I just wasn't hallucinating anymore. The doctor said do you like how you feel. I said no. He said it's alright it will be over soon. He put my IV in and I literally didn't feel anything. And I didn't care. He could have cut my legs off and I would have grinned. I noticed my heart rate was 159 or 129 I forget. Really high.

Next thing I know I woke up after the surgery and I wasn't high anymore. I was just loopy from the anesthesia. My parents drove me home and I spent an agonizing 6 days having an allergic reaction to penicillin that ended me up in the hospital. (Unrelated).

Worst week of my life.

Then for the next month my 5 month long mild depersonalization turned into severe depersonalization. I would literally trip when I was sober. I couldn't be left alone or I would have a panic attack and cry my eyes out. I refused to go to bed in the dark because I was terrified of everything. I slept with my tv on. I kept having images of demons killing me. I questioned my sanity for an entire month. My face and body and world did not seem real to me. I would be in the shower almost screaming I AM NOT REAL WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP. 100% sober. I went to a psychologist and she told me it would pass. And it did.

It's two months later now and I feel back to my normal self. Not 100%. But I feel like I cant pretend to have a normal life. I'm happy during the day. Unless I'm left alone thinking about the trip. I start to relive it and I believe I'm tripping again.

After this experience I decided to stop smoking marijuana because it relapsed me into thinking horrifyingly negative irrational thoughts.

Fuck nitrous oxide.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 104619
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Dec 28, 2022Views: 422
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Nitrous Oxide (40), Oxygen (187) : Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Medical Use (47), Therapeutic Session / Clinic (55)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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