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Questioned My Sanity for an Entire Month
Nitrous Oxide & Oxygen
by Paul
Citation:   Paul. "Questioned My Sanity for an Entire Month: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide & Oxygen (exp104619)". Dec 28, 2022.

  inhaled Nitrous Oxide (gas)
    inhaled Oxygen (gas)
Worst Experience of My Life on Nitrous Oxide

I'll start by saying this drug ended up triggering severe depersonalization/derealization and anxiety for almost 2 months.

It was August I had to get my wisdom teeth out. I was 20 and I had to leave for college in 2 weeks. I was under a lot of stress.

I went to the office around 9. I sat in the chair and I was so nervous I almost puked. They put the nitrous oxide mask over me and I started to have a mild panic attack. I was breathing very hard I was even making squeaking noises. They turned the gas on finally.

It hit me. I started to question my existence. All I could hear was my slowed down breathing and what sounded like a loop continuously playing of the surgeon talking. I couldn't move a muscle. I was completely frozen. I said 'did you take my teeth out yet' in a salad finger type creepy way. The nurse would always laugh and that made me feel better. I describe this feeling as a dream state. Like I was watching a movie of a man coming out of a coma or coming back to life and he doesn't know what is happening. Except it is real life and it wont stop.

I also kept saying to myself 'I'm not going to remember this, it's really fucked up what I'm experiencing, so I'll just forget about it and let it pass'.

But then I started to have an insane hallucination. I had no concept of space and time at this point. The doctor was talking and I didn't hear a single word. I was in my own plane of existence. It felt like demons were continuously ripping apart my legs and laughing. And I wasn't reacting to it. But my soul was screaming in pain. I started to see my girlfriend in the trip. It was just her head floating towards me. Then her face melted into a skull and it was just her jaw bone clamping up and down in my face. I could have sworn it was happening. I said at that point 'so this is what life is about.'. The doctor would also continuously repeat the same phrase 'alright paul just a little bit longer now'. It must have been about 7 times. I thought my world was looping.

About 10 minutes later they must have lowered the nitrous oxide amount and I came back to real life. I was still high as a kite I just wasn't hallucinating anymore. The doctor said do you like how you feel. I said no. He said it's alright it will be over soon. He put my IV in and I literally didn't feel anything. And I didn't care. He could have cut my legs off and I would have grinned. I noticed my heart rate was 159 or 129 I forget. Really high.

Next thing I know I woke up after the surgery and I wasn't high anymore. I was just loopy from the anesthesia. My parents drove me home and I spent an agonizing 6 days having an allergic reaction to penicillin that ended me up in the hospital. (Unrelated).

Worst week of my life.

Then for the next month my 5 month long mild depersonalization turned into severe depersonalization. I would literally trip when I was sober. I couldn't be left alone or I would have a panic attack and cry my eyes out. I refused to go to bed in the dark because I was terrified of everything. I slept with my tv on. I kept having images of demons killing me. I questioned my sanity for an entire month. My face and body and world did not seem real to me. I would be in the shower almost screaming I AM NOT REAL WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP. 100% sober. I went to a psychologist and she told me it would pass. And it did.

It's two months later now and I feel back to my normal self. Not 100%. But I feel like I cant pretend to have a normal life. I'm happy during the day. Unless I'm left alone thinking about the trip. I start to relive it and I believe I'm tripping again.

After this experience I decided to stop smoking marijuana because it relapsed me into thinking horrifyingly negative irrational thoughts.

Fuck nitrous oxide.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 104619
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Dec 28, 2022Views: 422
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Nitrous Oxide (40), Oxygen (187) : Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Medical Use (47), Therapeutic Session / Clinic (55)

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