DOSE:	2 mg	oral	Pharms - Clonazepam
		smoked	DMT
		smoked	Cannabis
	repeated		Methamphetamine	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

A Noteworthy Experience

It was a Saturday night which had been followed by and would be followed by another very interesting little adventure which would write another page or two in the story of my life. Between daily hard drug use it was hard to be too sure what it really was I thought going into the experience. Memories of the events before and after the trip are lost to some xani'd out meth binge--the same type that got me in more trouble than I should have ever let them. I remember feeling very comfortable and somewhat anxious, as I'd never done this drug before. I felt like I was ready, though, and I was very curious to see what was about to happen.

I think it's important that some of the substances I've had experience with in the past be told. Mary Jane was who first invited me to join the game. From there I took various substances like DXM, mushrooms, LSA, and various members of the NBOMe series. Of course, I promised myself I would never use hard drugs like prescription drugs, and god forbid I should ever touch the untouchables: meth and heroin. It's no secret, though, that drugs can easily change the fundamental processes that comprise your judgement. I went from taking a few hydros for legit pain to taking a few addys to taking a few xanis to taking a LOT of addys to taking a LOT of xanis. Addys became something of a necessity in order to function, but they were also very expensive. What was not expensive, however, was pure, uncut crystal meth, of which a $90 gram could easy last more than a week; that's at least a little bit of an improvement to the $120 gram shake n bake that anyone could smoke all of in an hour and not even die.

I'd acquired a small bag of some dry yellow crystals of DMT and it was supposed to be about 60mg. My glass penis broke in the microwave a few days prior and there were no light-bulbs already burnt out on hand to make a vaporizer out of, so I resigned to wait until I had weed to smoke it through my bong. It wasn't long before I could grab a pinch off of a dime I got for a person, and later that night, instead of going home like I was supposed to, I went to the dead end of the road I lived on. No one goes out here so I felt totally comfortable. This dead end was a place I went to sometimes when I just wanted to be alone because it's very easy to stay out of eyesight of any of the very few passerby's.

I can't recall the events of earlier this day, but I do know they were positive and were much enhanced by the small doses of klonopin, and maybe even meth , I'd taken earlier. I loaded a bit of weed on the bottom of the bowl of my bong, put the crystals on top (there were so many they barely fit) and then covered those with more weed. I set my bong down at the floor of the passenger's seat and just stopped.

I took a moment to remind myself that whatever was about to happen would be exactly what would happen. I reminded myself that I had no goal in mind; I had nothing to learn, to unlearn, to remember, or even to forget. I reminded myself to take in exactly what was going to happen and to accept it for exactly what it was. I felt like what was going to happen had always been a part of my life, I just hadn't gotten to it yet. And here it was.

I grabbed my bong, put it to my mouth, lit the outer layer of weed, and breathed in as deep as I could and began counting up about every second. Before I'd even set down the bong I could already tell this wasn't just weed I'd smoked. I set down the bong and lighter and sat back in my chair and I had this peculiar sense of something about my being pulled backwards. I counted to 30 and exhaled, and then the pull ceased to seem come from any particular direction. From this point on, the experience is impossible to describe. I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed so I put them in the position that felt most like the closed state.

Everything happened so fast, though it never for a second bothered me and I never felt rushed. I felt very comfortable and at home through the entire experience. The blackness on the inside of my eyelids seemed flop around, per se, much like the tentacles on an octopus might, though the idea of an octopus never crossed my mind at the time. An octopus is a terrible analogy, though, as there was no apparent source, direction, or dimension for direction to exist in, with any of these tentacles. Octopus tentacles have all these things. These tentacles did not. There ceased to be a me and I had this mild sense of euphoria, like this was exactly the way everything was intended to be. More euphoria would not have been right and it would not have brought about the same sense of satisfaction and intrigue.

All around my point of observation, the reality around me flipped and flopped into all sort of shapes, images, and scenes I can't say as I've ever seen before. All my sense of reality was absolutely and completely gone, though I knew I was still in the same place in the same reality. I have some memory of realizing that the trip seemed to manifest itself in different parts of my mind and they all told me to follow it. They told me to follow me. Follow me deeper. Follow me home, where you really belong.

As I was coming back to reality a little bit, the things that flopped around in my head began to take on forms that I was more familiar with, like color and actual geometric shape and pattern. One piece of the 'tentacles' that flopped fell and became a yellow cube far in my peripheral to my left. One end of it expanded straight up and then the other appeared to have a yellow 'stick figure' sort of thing grow out of it, though it had much more breadth than a stick figure. I watched it and it waved at me, and I began to become aware of all those things around me telling me to go farther. It never felt like they were separate from my own awareness and that's probably part of why I was so Okay with what was happening. They never felt intimidating and they barely even felt real, and I knew all along that this was just some different part of reality or of my awareness that I'd walked into and I was curious to dive much deeper.

The things I saw before I opened my eyes are impossible to describe so it would be pointless to try. Everything I'd experienced had been experience that I speculated before that I could experience, so I was disappointed that I had no mind blowing revelations as to the nature of my mind or what it could do. I think I need a much, much larger dose next time.

I opened my eyes to see a steering wheel in front of me, though it couldn't have looked much more wrong that it did. I couldn't put my finger on just what it was that was wrong, but it was not right. I've heard other people describe everything as being bright and full of movement on this drug, but I didn't get that effect before or after my eyes were opened. My mind was extremely disorganized, though maybe disorganized isn't the best word for just what my mind was. One way to put it is that I couldn't put 1 and 1 together for anything at all. I wasn't sure where I was or if it mattered and what it meant for something to matter in the first place. Reasoning that I didn't know why something would matter, I felt it logically led that it didn't really matter where or who I was. I wasn't sure what any of the things around me were or to what they pertained. Logic was not real, nor were any other concrete systems we use to determine truth.

It's interesting to be stuck between two worlds which follow no common rules and to try to apply rules from one system to another... It doesn't work, though it does beg the question of which rules are more correct. Or, maybe rules are a thing our brains use to make sense of things, whereas reality simply exists as it is and all these realities are the same, free from the constraints of definition. The fundamentals of reality are still far beyond our scientific understanding of nature, and maybe there's a system of chaos underlying everything that is not definite and therefore can have no definition. It should be noticed that this is all pre and after thought of the experience I'm writing now, as at the time of the experience, my thoughts were still too far removed from the reality I'm in now to make any kind of sense. This is not, of course, to say that these afterthoughts make sense. They just are what they are, and I think there's some truth to them.

More earthly ideas started seeping back into my mind as I opened and closed my eyes. They didn't make sense, though, and the most peculiar associations were being made in my mind. Their nature is impossible to describe as I think many real ideas were associated with concepts with absolutely no basis in my everyday reality. I could see everything clearly but I still wasn't too sure what was going on or where I was. It didn't take too long before I got back to reality and stopped for a minute to think whether or not I was still out there in the nether. I decided that I'd try to hit the bong another time or two just to see what would happen, so that's just what I did.

I pulled the smoke deep in my lungs, set down the bong, and exhaled. I felt the same pull as before and what happened after this is both very blurry in my memory and very unusual. I felt like I was in a much softer sort of reality though it was clearly still the same one, and curled up against the door of my car. Everything is either blank or very blurry in my memory, but very clear at the same time. I had a notion that there was something of a dragon going all around the car. It egged me on. 'Follow me deeper,' it told me. At least, that's what it felt like it told me. 'Keep hitting it and come closer.'

I kept hitting the bong just to try and keep this this thing with me and to better understand exactly what it was. It felt very comforting and I felt like whatever this thing was, it wanted to show me where I really belonged or something I needed to see. It became clear that no more hits from the bong would keep my friend there any longer, so I set down my bong and watched as the ethereal nature of that corner of reality I'd seen crystallized into its normal form. The entity never disappeared, or at least, there was no particular moment at which it did. At some point I was just aware that I was adequately in reality to drive back home, so that's what I did. I've felt incredible ever since this happened two days ago, and maybe my friend is still circling all around me all the time in his own little world, just waiting for me to return so he can show me what else there is to see...

The first experience of the two above felt like it lasted less than two minutes but I had no system of keeping track of the actual time. The latter felt more dragged out but I totally lost any sense of time through it.

Words do no justice to the experience. I thought it all felt very natural and the transition from one state of mind to the other couldn't have been smoother. There's a good chance this had to do with the klonopin I'd taken, but I'd have a hard time imagining it being particularly more intense if it weren't for that. I can't say as I've taken any new wisdom from this experience, though that was never the goal to begin with. All I can really say about this experience is that it was. I think it pertained more to reality than the imaginary human concept of meaning.

It opened no new doors for me. Reality fell apart and then reassembled within a matter of minutes, and that's really all that happened. I will definitely repeat the experience again with a much larger dose.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104674
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: May 6, 2021	Views: 483
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DMT (18), Cannabis (1) : First Times (2), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), Alone (16)