DOSE:

30 - 50 mg

vaporized

DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

196 lb

DMT reflection - 22 months later

Mindset: calm but mildly excited to re-explore DMT
Setting: Alone. Bedroom with overhead light on.
Preparations: Apartment empty and locked. Neighboring friends aware of plan, but are advised not to permit disturbances until I come back out. Pink Floyd playlist ready on surround system. Brand-new single-blown, cheap, glass bowl-pipe. Nearly pure DMT (off-white powder) packed up 1/4 inch into a drinking straw for deposit into pipe when ready.

Dosage: 30-50mg (full prepped amount); Vaped&smoked in one inhale which was held in deeply for ~20sec.
Duration: ~50min

Possible drug interactions: none

Experience in retrospect:

...and that's why I came back from that trip. I didn't have to. My will takes me to any who, where and when that it chooses. That's why I learned so much in so little time. Time ceased to be, and upon reintroduction to this reality, continued from an acceptable amount of lapse with reason for that lapse (drug-induced). For most, it's 5 - 15 minutes. For me, it was about 50 minutes (2nd trip), but seemed to be months long. I was violently ripped out of reality and into absolute chaos for 20 minutes the first time.

The second trip (a few weeks later) was the same, but I surrendered to it more and went further into the abyss...which ended/cleared/transformed. I believed I had returned to the source/visited God. It seemed to be welcoming a question from me. There was only one word: why. Then I became one with all things and time and experience and awareness.

I was with it, and in it, and it was me, from the smallest quark-pattern or molecule, through every life on Earth, to and beyond the largest celestial body and every other universe or dimension imaginable. It is glorious and more fulfilling than a human body can contain, which is why I had shed my body (mostly) at the beginning of the trip. However, there was still a link to this body throughout the trip. To be more clear: my nose itched, but the notion of a nose required a silly imagination. It was not only clear, but obvious that this life is my chosen one. From every pattern, through all the puzzles and intricacy, to the creation of emotions and senses, to multiplicity, time/space and evolution. I am happy with it. I am happy with all of it. Here is what it showed me (after nearly 2 years of sorting it all out):

I live all lives and focus on/in each one through every moment of consciousness. Each time I choose one, I choose an acceptable amount of time-lapse (since my last visit into that life's timeline) in order to have just come back from unconsciousness or a short daze. When I'm bored with being you or being with you, 'you' fade back out of existence.

I crave everything. All of life and experience and death and nothingness. It is all systematically chaotic glory. It is absolutely fulfilling in any quantity and from any perspective through all time/space, else I wouldn't be there.

There is nothing going wrong, because everything is wrong if you go that way. In the moment of writing this, this body was depressed. Yet, it was the most blessed, because I was focused within it and no other (as I am in you, right now). From this focus, all other lives are not as alive as this one is. This is the one life that I have chosen to focus on-and-in right now. However, all the other lives are alive because I will, or have, or am living them.

From the focus of this body, I can not merge my awareness with other lives simultaneously. This is on purpose, so that the puzzle doesn't solve and collapse creation. Each little piece of life was made to be individual and unjoinable (that's a word now). One life can not supplement another life with its own. Death will come first. Consciousness does not merge, but to change that fact is only a decision away.

The answer to 'why' is 'what do you want'. I want all there is to be, and it doesn't matter what happens with it. I want all of the passion. -All of the pleasure, pain, peace, boredom, excitement, glory, horror, love, guilt, fear, hope, regret, forgiveness, judgement and maybe even death. They are all my creations, as is chaos itself. I am all that there is.

I am you, and whenever/wherever you are communicating with another life, we are communicating with me. You know this. I create each life on an imaginary timeline, step by step, as I live it. I am known to choose death in regular cycles, throughout all forms of life. None of it truly matters to the all, because the all can not be destroyed. Even if it was destroyed, it wouldn't matter after. I am, and that is all that matters to me. Where I say that I am you, I mean that I am the you that thinks, feels, talks and moves. That is what God means. I am in you for the experience, however great or terrible or between.

I want to love myself and I want myself to love me, above all else. This explains all of love and virtue. I want everything. This explains all of desire and justifies chaos. I can. This explains all purpose and proves will.

Death is nothing but the complete destruction of this entire universe/creation via a simple shift in my eternal kaleidoscope. There will be no memory or concern for it, because another universe/dimension will have all my/your/our focus.

DMT is a hell of a drug.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 104787
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 33
Published: Sep 16, 2019	Views: 852
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