DOSE:

insufflated

Methoxetamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

As I sit here wondering exactly what it was I was up to in the first place, I find myself yet again with my family. I have just insufflated about .2 of MXE given to me by a wonderful chemist in China. Many good vibrations sent his way for putting his love and care into this product, or so I hope.

My experience with psychedelics as a whole is truly awe inspiring. I have long been on the internet lurking, but have yet to shed my social anxiety until I started going to events this summer. I have come a long way in my life since I was 16. I lost a mother at the age of 3 right before my 4th birthday. I then proceeded to be raised by my step-mother until I was in the 9th grade when she passed away. I have since been trying to cope with many a different problem with many a different substance, but yet this one in particular really seems to link me with the world.

I have previously ingested it and gone into a mental hospital in my area on purpose. As crazy as that may sound, I loved every moment of it. I had just left an event with someone and then got into an altercation with a previous roommate when he proceeded to try to kick me out of my apartment. I then threatened to urinate on him so he would release me. Not the most usual reaction I have ever had in my life, yet effective.

For some reason this substance seems to make my brain work on a much higher level. I had been diagnosed as bipolar when I was in juvenile detention, but at the time I was just trying to get out of trouble. I have been given multiple medications to treat multiple different ailments diagnosed to me since I was born. I have heard it all from manic depression, to bi-polar, to schizophrenia, and quite frankly I have always listened to anyone that has been willing to share their story with me. I feel that is what has led me to these moments in my life. I have always been somewhat of an empath with empathy being one of my strongest traits throughout my entire life. I can't even begin to explain how many times I just feel that something is about to happen, and then it does. Even when I was a small child, there was a contest for a Harry Potter Book, either the second or third one, that I ended up winning, and I still remember to this day when my parents tried to console me by telling me that they would buy me the book whether I won or not. I knew I was going to win, and then I did. It is strange moments of certainty like that combined with particular paranormal phenomenon that lead me to believe that the brain holds more secrets then previously thought.

I flagged down a police officer while on this same substance, and proceeded to be admitted to the hospital. I then talked to everyone I could at the mental hospital to see if I could somehow heal them of their ailments. I seem to get this significant urge to help everyone around me , as well as come up with new ways of doing it. Research chemicals making me want to research. The more I think of things, the more things seem to make sense, and the more it all seems to go into a loop. I feel as if the entire world is going in one direction with one flow as if one can either go against it, or not. I find myself easily going off on tangents here and there where I had previously dealt with extreme social paranoia. All of this changed when I entered the music scene for the first time. I threw a bandana over my face, and I have never been the same since. The internet has always offered me a certain level of anonymity that I could never find in real life, but the music scene is so accepting, yet judgemental at the same time. I feel as if I should bring everyone to this higher state of consciousness, yet I do not want to force it on them. I have never been a forceful person, except when forced into situations.

I find it odd how circular everything always seems whenever I encounter any form of psychedelics yet it all makes sense at the same time. I have spent my entire life putting other people's problems before my own to my own detriment, yet refuse to change who I am as a person. I find MXE to be extremely analytical as well as extremely mind opening and therapeutic. It really is amazing watching all of these people finally come together in peace, where previously they had been in war. Festivals and events, as well as substances have literally changed my life for the better. I can honestly say that if it were not for the drugs that I have ingested, and the family that has supported me then I would not be on this planet anymore.

The one thing I will say about this substance is that I find myself losing and regaining random items constantly. I watch my family lose things constantly. I lose things constantly. I am not sure if this is all some cosmic prank on all of us or if someone is trying to teach us something, but I find it extremely humorous for some reason. I watched 2 of my extended family members take 2 lines a piece so they are being somewhat irresponsible and losing things as well.

Morale of the story is that MXE is extremely mind opening, yet I find myself and everyone around me losing possessions constantly. Materials come and materials go, and nothing seems to be teaching us better than MXE. I can see how some refer to it as ROFLCOPTR even in jest. It is disassociative, yet humorous at the same time. Amusement seems to ring true whenever I find myself using this substance. Acceptance as well. I find myself motivated yet disassociated. That is all for now.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104903
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Dec 19, 2016	Views: 1,590
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Methoxetamine (527) : Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)