Citation: Huper. "Everything is Nothing: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & Acacia confusa) (exp104963)". Erowid.org. May 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/104963
Setting: My home. I just ate a small hamburger before ingesting the Syrian Rue.
Background: I have dosed MG, DXM, DMT, and very weak Amanita Muscaria (Fly Agaric).
Goal: I am continuing experimentation with DMT. This time, I wanted to find an appropriate Syrian Rue dosage.
Ingredients: Ground Syrian Rue seeds and powdered Acacia Confusa Bark.
I ground just under 2g of Syrian Rue seeds using an ice cream scoop as a pestle, and then encapsulated approximately 2g in 4 size ď0Ē gelatin capsules. I also filled 10 more capsules with powdered Acacia Confusa root bark, making a total of 5 g of Acacia Confusa.
5:20 pm I swallowed the 4 Rue capsules after eating a mid-sized meal.
8:40 pm I finally felt inhibited, and I did not think I was going to throw up. I decided I would be able to take the Acacia Confusa without vomiting, and swallowed all ten capsules.
I watched YouTube videos as I waited for the come-up, always wondering if I would vomitÖ I never did. At (very roughly) 9:30-10:00 pm I finally felt the effects of the Acacia Confusa. I experienced the expected closed and open-eyed visuals. It was a mild, nonetheless enjoyable trip, but the body high was lighter than my other strong experience (using B. Caapi). This was disappointing because the body high from Acacia Confusa is one of its staple effects that really make the trip come to lifeóthe vibrations and weirdly pleasant feelings flowing throughout the body.
Eventually the trip began to wind to a close, and I started dozing off while experiencing less and less intense tactile and visual hallucinations. I finally rolled over to go to sleepÖ At this point time became irrelevant. I didnít know what anything was. I had random, obscure memories from childhood, but I could never be sure if they were true memories or imagined memories (most Iím sure are true, others Iím not so sure). I wondered if this was ego death. I started experiencing thoughts and visions that were so random that I had no clue what was going on. I briefly felt dead.
The body high during this second come-up can be likened to body orgasms (although Iíve never done heroin or anything, and Iím sure it doesnít compareóbut I will never try it to find out). I then decided it would be a good idea to masturbateÖ unfortunately I could tell I wasnít going to be able to cum, but the masturbation still felt greatólike it was my first time and someone else was doing it for me. I stopped after a few minutesóI didnít want to rub myself raw and wake up to that in the morning **shudder**.
Around midnight I got up to use the restroom. I didnít know what peeing was, and I didnít know how to pee. I didnít know what walking was, or moving, or light, or vision. After I got back from peeing (Iím not sure how I did it, but it happened), I wrote some thoughts down on a notepad, knowing that I would not be able to make sense of anything the next day. Here is what I scribbled down:
Nothing is Nothing (but a more apt title would be Everything is Nothing).
I donít know anything. Everything brings memories of something but nothing is anything. I donít even know what or how Iím writing. Iím having memories of everything from my childhood (unfortunately very few of which can I remember today). Music is nothing (I had put in headphones). I remember books, TV shows, (then I realized I should be more specific) the blue book with white where the guy shoots arrows with plungers at chickens in the castle where they wonít let fat people in. I understand nothing. I donít know what breathing is. I donít know what fun is. I donít know what pain is. I want to remember that book with the girl with the potty chair in the castle and the one about the box that everything was in in a dark closet and a dark house a dark room a dark closet a dark box a dark forest a dark house a dark room. (As you can see, I was pretty fucked mentallyóbut these are actually real books and stories. ďIn a Dark Dark WoodĒ is the last one). What is time? What is sleep? Why canít I sleep?
Then I tried to draw a picture, but it wasnít anything special. I watched some porn but didnít even try to masturbate. Then I watched some WKUK on YouTube, and eventually started feeling tired (around 1:30-2:00 am). I listened to some relaxing music and drifted off for four hours of deep sleep. I woke up at 6:00 am this morning completely back to normal except for a small afterglowÖ Except for the realization that life is pointless.
Weirdly, Iím not too depressed that life is pointless (I always kind of knew deep down). Experiencing what I experienced just showed me that man has built an empire out of chaos and randomnessÖ but itís all for nothing. In the full scope of time, we are only specks. I was raised as a Christian (I still am for the most part), and I take hope in the knowledge that there will be a meaning after this current life is over. I take hope in my belief in heaven, and my trust in salvation through Jesus. I donít know why, I just do.
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