DOSE: T+ 0:00	90 mg	oral	MDMA
T+ 0:45	30 mg	oral	MDMA
T+ 1:30	15 mg	insufflated	MDMA
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 0:00	repeated	smoked	Tobacco
T+ 0:00			Alcohol

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

She was back in our lives. Finally, after some years of sifting through methylone and god knows what, plenty of disappointed yellows on the a guy from the west coast came through with the cleanest, most gorgeous white rock lady that had been seen.

We were excited and couldn’t wait to try it out. We spent a handful of nights rolling, all about same dosage. No increase in tolerance, no diminished peak or duration of action. She just kept giving. Kept that first run going for about five days. Heh. not great, but there was no load after; perhaps a bit of grogginess that was probably more closely related to being tired than anything else. Good afterglows.

The specific night I would like to detail was not a social event (those were all lovely evenings, obviously) but just alone instead there was an incredibly expansive roll.

Setting: Home
Stomach contents: Minimal, ate relatively light meal earlier and almost no caffeine.

Took the first load on the way home from work —calling it a load probably being very amusing to those 160+mg’ers out there — a sensitivity with this substance is surely a gift!

The train was insanely crowded as always, but I simply relented to the closeness and the rawness of the snifflng and work-wearied people all mashed against each other. I hadn’t felt much of anything but the early, early warning warmth and temp flux. Eventually, by the time I reached my stop (eight later), there was no denying the body lightness and the sharpness of light and line in the eye. I was closing them a lot and just breathing with the hissing and rumbling rails. My head felt balanced easily on my neck and shoulders, easily borne but controlled and delicate. I felt no lethargy, but definite languidness. I took the remainder of the rock and chewed it up, tasting the bitter licorice and chemical pang.

I stepped out into early December and it was a wet 38F but I felt only cool licks of breeze, smelling of cold, but gentler than a summer stirring. My walk is only about 5 min and I briskly carried home. Once I reached the apartment, things were getting interesting. I was feeling the profoundly sexual tingling and warmth throughout my limbs and chest. My head began to feel ... spacious.

I went in and was greeted by my two year old cat. She’s lovely and of course quite SOFT at this point. Give her a treat to enjoy and rolled a cigarette. Her eagerness to greet and connect after a day sleeping and roaming the house without boundary made me feel very contented. Out on the porch my thoughts strayed far and wide; my internal dialogue was divided between varied content and voice. None of these thoughts felt the least bit obtrusive, as can be common with hallucinogens, but there was a distinct sense of wonder and exoticness to every bit of sensory data I received.

Smoking felt as amazing as I remembered it. It had been about 4 years since I had laid hands on anything like this. Physical pleasure was now coursing across me. All from the worn rubber of my sneaker soles to the sensation of breathing evenly, and best of all: not a hint of speedy edginess or anxiousness. Heart rate was mildly elevated, probably somewhere around 90 bpm at most, which was hardly noticeable. I normally get slightly irregular beats from here to there, nothing worrisome, undoubtedly contributed to by stimulant use and smoking (light to moderate), but mostly anxiety driven. I felt them less frequently then, and my chest felt complete and full, but paradoxically hollow, buzzing with energy that I visualized as a swarm of fireflies.

I thought about the things I would do and wanted to do that night, and that I had all the time I needed to enjoy each task or leisure as they fell into my path. I decided to write this report. The decision made me very contented, but did not lend any pressure or urgency to my state. I was even able to narrate some of the content and then put it aside, knowing that it could slip away and be lost, but I was not harried in any way; each thought birthed complete sentences effortlessly. Like a savvy merchant at market I surveyed my wares and organized them lazily. No purchase or sale needed be sealed or stamped. Everything here was in flux, belonging to no one more than the other. An exchangery more than a market.

I went back inside and reveled at the time distortion, minutes fell to the floor like owl feathers in slow, even, mild silence. I felt that music would be very pleasurable to experience, but was contented to stream a show while browsing the internet. My travels there led to porn — but it didn’t have the slightly grimy tinge it usually did — in fact, I was feeling so sexual and confident, each video felt like a VIP back, backroom show. Not at some trashy Vegas pit stain, I was in the private party’s private party. Masturbation was unreal, definitely harder to reach orgasm, but in a slow building desirous way, with no unfortunate wheel spinning and no problem staying upright. I came like a volcano.

With that need satiated, my mind was chomping at the bit to create, learn, expand. I moved back to the living room and a feeling of scholarly joy in the face of new knowledge, and rolled another spliff. I decided to test the substance a bit by insufflating about 15 mg (bear in mind I can roll with as little as 60mg orally, and this put me up to about 120mg over two hours). I felt simply grand already, but thee peak was evening out, fewer waves of full on euphoria were rolling over me, though they never threatened to go away entirely. Gently flexing my calf muscles while standing became a career opportunity. I was getting the characteristic yawning that comes with both a phenethylamine and psilocin/LSD state, now feeling mildly sedate, but hardly tired.

The wave from the snorted material came within 5 minutes. More waves, more vague, epiphanic humming, webbed out through my whole body. The waves had been there all along, but she helped me turn up the frequency and presence. Words come easily, the voice feels always present in a similar way; now it was emboldened and more flavorful, but still ready to second guess and strive for accuracy. My typing speed is definitely slower, but (perceivably) due to evenness of ideation, and less so motor impairment. The process of writing is labeled with the ideation that words need only be taken from the top shelf and put into place on the page. I did not feel any inhibition or restriction to my choices, but also voided gushing impulsive nonsense, which can/has definitely happened in the past. This is especially true in conversations, wherein all participants are rolling and are so eager to empathize with acknowledging “mhms,” and “yeahs, totally’s, and that’s perfect’s.” The dialogue could be at times immensely enjoyable, yet aimless and not exactly riveting. This felt more like a speech I had prepared my whole life for, yet never feared realizing. There was no pressure, but unimpeachable drive to exhaust the detail of this experience.

Finally, my desire to explore other things pulled me away and I took pause with my report after about what felt like an hour but was really closer to two. I noted that the time flux seems to shift when engaged with a task and not just reflecting/enjoying the body feel. Material of this quality and purity, could definitely serve well as a study aid given both the ability to focus and ease of recall (I did actually include many if not all of the preconceived lines from my first porch session). The words sprang back like liquid from a bottle, needing barely any encouragement or ideating active need to seek the phrases. They just knew their cues well.

Eye watering occasionally made reading difficult, but was never unpleasant. I grew restless to explore other experiences.

Possible redose to follow, and more cannabis and general leisure, but my reporting was almost done. Overall, this was a solid +++ experience with moments of ++++ transcendence, although that rating is hard to gauge as the experience shifts easily from wellbeing, to horniness, to peace, to bliss, and back through each nuanced subset of, plain goodness.

I missed her, and she is back for a time now. She will go again, I am sure, but never threatens to disappear altogether. I feel fully contented with this closing thought:

I love her because she helps me to truly appreciate and recognize my mind, my body, and my environment as one fluid system of life, each function critical, interdependent, and simply stunning.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 105022
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Feb 4, 2023	Views: 331
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MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), Sex Discussion (14), General (1), Alone (16)