Citation: Calypso. "A Door I've Always Wanted to Open: An Experience with MDMA (exp105056)". Erowid.org. Jun 21, 2022. erowid.org/exp/105056
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It was my first time in a while. Though I’ve had the pleasure of rolling about 10 times in my life, this would be the second time in college but with new friends. Overhearing a few of my friends talk about the big Trap concert at our local concert arena was exciting, I was always a big electronic music fan and enjoyed the scene. My very good friend Chuck came to ask me if I had any Molly or knew of where to get some.
It was Monday and the concert was on Friday. So on such short notice I wasn’t sure, I didn’t have many personal connections but did my best to reach out to an old friend whom I heard was in the area and might have what we were looking for. It’s a good thing I consider myself a lucky guy because he had just enough for the group, a solid 2 grams of Molly. Now the guy was always a good guy to me and always had quality stuff but when it comes to MDMA and its notorious nature for being “impure” or cut with something other than what they are selling it, I became a man of method in terms of weighing and testing my drug of choice. I use the DanceSafe reagent testing kit Marquis. Though this is truly only a first line of defense it is much better than not knowing, and these tests are great at showing what is “bath salts” or synthetic cathinones.
After me and Chuck got the 2 grams, we weighed it out into individual small bags so we knew exactly how much we were taking
we weighed it out into individual small bags so we knew exactly how much we were taking
. Knowing my sweet spot of 225mg-250mg I weighed out the latter as did my friend. The rest would go to the rest of our group. It was about that time to start the roll and enjoy yet another concert on MDMA but this time would be much different than any other.
After previous hours of prep and ritualism that I enjoy associating with MDMA, we were almost ready. A quick side note on this; by prep I mean drinking a couple bottles of water and taking a multi-vitamin along with making sure I had enough salt in my body for the next 5-7 hours because we planned on it being hot and sweaty because it is an indoor concert with not a lot of space for air flow. This means eat a large meal an hour and a half or so before dropping, I noticed this helps with the occasional nausea too. Also by ritualism, I mean that this drug isn’t like weed, or alcohol or cocaine for that matter, it's different than everything else. You don’t just do Molly for fun because you’re bored or to pass time. As a psychoactive stimulant it needs to be treated as a mind opening experience. When used properly and respected MDMA is one of the most beautiful tools to open the mind and enjoy peace and happiness. But I digress.
T:00 it's 9:00pm sharp and we each weigh out 100mg from our bags to ingest, we parachute it and know that it will take 30-45 to kick in and we pocket the rest to use right when we feel it hit so that way we can elongate the plateau for most of the concert. We gather all of our stuff and have a friend drive us over to our friend’s place where everyone was pre-gaming for the concert as it was only 3 blocks to walk there from the house.
T:45 I can feel it, the beauty in everything comes out, sharp and noticeable when it hits yet the effects are subtle. The ever so slight euphoria rolls over me as I look to the ceiling and let the music roll through my head, dissolving any worries and stress right along with it. After giving the rest of the group what they had asked for me and Chuck weighed out another 100mg knowing this was the dose to get us to paradise. For the record he took several shorter lines and I took one huge one simply because I was feeling adventurous. We looked at each other with almost child like excitement; he then proceeded to take a hit of acid after that before we headed out. I opted out because I enjoy the effect of just MDMA too much to mix with others.
T1:15 It starts to pour over me, like sitting in a hot shower after a stressful day I felt the warmth of pure euphoria radiate though my body much more intensely than before, I feel energized but not over charged like one might on an amphetamine. The simple clearness was beautiful, no other way to describe it, everything was great. I loved the music, the people, the place I was at, everything around me just seemed right. Being excited that I was inclining and almost hit my peak I secretly hoped we would leave soon! Lucky me…
T1:30 I’m about to reach my peak when I hear those magic words “let's go!” and even more exciting were the words “I'll give you a ride”. Once we go there everyone had punched their tickets in except me because I didn’t buy mine ahead of time. Standing and letting the chatter and cold wind roll over me was a pleasant experience, feeling connected to everything and everyone, being courteous and kind with a side of bliss was almost mandatory in this state. Getting in we heard one of the artists playing their stuff before the main event. At this point everything is amazing, the quality of life that I am enjoying is incredible. We dance, and dance and dance, I’m just letting the music take me over letting everything just happen, the euphoria at this point is immense and powerful but so very much enjoyed.
T2:00 Our man is about to come on stage and I run up to the bathroom to take a bump (25mg) and rush back down making sure to grab a round of waters for everyone. We pound the water as we see the man, the myth and the legend, R.L. Grime come on stage. I could feel the eruption of the crowd in my bones, their every shout invigorating me hyping me up even more. He rolls on through the interlude and builds up to the first drop, the emotions are incredible; the pleasure radiating out through my entire being is literally breathtaking. There are no nerves, no anxiety, only anticipation of what is to come.
Then it happens. The Drop. I lost myself here, in the most emphatically positive way possible. Jumping, hands in the air, I could feel the music, feel the lights it was something so far beyond what I had ever experienced before, I just continued to get lost in the music, in the ambient world around me. Nothing could compare to the experience that I was having. Pure bliss would honestly be an understatement. During the midst of a song change I saw a glover! (a guy who uses tight fitting gloves with multi-colored lights on each finger tip to help emphasize visuals for those rolling or just looking to have a good time) I patiently waited my turn, when I got up he also had a set of glasses that looked like the eye of a bug with multiple flat surfaces on them. I put them on without hesitation, for my first glover experience with these new glasses on. I was enthralled with the small lightshow going on before my very eyes, in a sensory barrage that was one of the most enjoyable moments in my life. I watched as the impossibly intelligent lights moved to entertain my curiosity as they pulled on the very strings of who I was. I could feel the lights in a proprioception kind of way, it was very weird to feel physically connected to something that was never a part of you in the first place. Taking them off and thanking the guy generously I looked back at the stage only to see my visuals were increased.
And then I noticed it, for the first time ever I had “eye jiggles”. These are difficult to describe other than an unconscious jitter of your eyes with focus and it makes all the lights jump and twirl. It was new to me but extremely enjoyable nonetheless. That’s when something incredible happened. I made eye contact with a girl in our group, so simple but so much more. (she too was rolling, candyflipping actually; MDMA + LSD) But the look would lead to conversation, to dancing… Covered in glitter from a glitter bomb in the bathroom the light rolled off her like I'd never seen. The smile, the look, getting lost in everything around me was an experience that has left me with an ever more positive outlook on life. We danced together as the music moved us, the bass ran through our legs, our hips and our minds. The treble through our interlocked fingers and down our arms; the sensations of feel were always highlighted by Molly but nothing like this. Almost a spiritual adventure with someone else, being two parts of a whole for that moment in time was wondrous. As much as I scour my mind for the words to describe the way it felt to be there in contact with her, the lights, the eye jiggles, the music, the atmosphere, the best I try it can't be done.
Attempting to paint a picture in your head of my story of this pivotal moment in my trip has been a failure. I can only hope that the culmination of how I described each individual event can form a conglomerate of what I was feeling. Because when I list those in that order it was to express the immense nature of being able to open myself up, let myself out of the room full of mirrors we all keep ourselves locked in. This moment will forever be locked in my mind as one of pure bliss, pure pleasure and a life changing spiritual journey. (during the conversation we had I took a bump and gave her the rest of what was left over in the other bag)
T3:30 R.L. Grime comes back on for one more song, Tell Me, after the crowd chanted for him. Everything I stated above took place one more time in an all out euphoria, I cannot describe the experience any better than I have above, the confines that hold our experiences by written or even spoken word cannot scratch the surface of this experience.
Approx. T4:30 It's about 2:30am and we are just getting back to our friend's house where we started the night and ordered a taxi home. Knowing that I would be up for a few more hours I invited Chuck over, we grabbed some pizza from the only place that was open and rode home, reminiscing over what had literally just happened. At this point the visuals are gone as well as the eye jiggles but the blissfulness is still there and strong. We stay up til the early hours of the day eventually shutting down around 5am.
Afterglow: the next few days there was an incredible afterglow for me, though the day after my body was completely drained, I had never experienced such mental clarity before and that afterglow has diminished slightly but has lasted now a full month for me.
I had never experienced such mental clarity before and that afterglow has diminished slightly but has lasted now a full month for me.
It has officially changed my outlook on life for the better. I enjoy the smaller things more I look for opportunities to help people and am overall generally happier with who I am and where I am going in life.
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