Citation: sansastark. "I'm Going to Die Tonight: An Experience with Cannabis (edible) (exp105277)". Erowid.org. May 23, 2019. erowid.org/exp/105277
I want to start out by saying this was technically my first time ever trying pot, but it also wasn't. I had smoked it twice before, but I had felt no effects (I was also drinking and smoking hookah at the time, and probably didn't smoke it right or something). So one night me and my boyfriend, we'll call him Tim, decided to make some pot brownies. I really wanted to know what it was like to be high, as smoking seemed to have not worked for me in the past. At the time I had no previous drug experience besides my failed attempts at smoking bowls.
I had no previous drug experience besides my failed attempts at smoking bowls.
20:00 We went to his dealer and bought about 1/4 oz for $100. I don't remember if that's exactly how much we bought, might have been slightly more.
21:00 We ground the pot with Tim's grinder and made pot brownies by extracting the THC with vegetable oil (putting the pot in a pie tin with the oil and putting it on top of a pan that's filled with boiling water so as to not directly burn the pot. Then used that oil in the brownie mix). The end product was perfectly ordinary-looking-and-tasting brownies. There might have been a slight aftertaste of pot but it was barely noticeable.
22:00 Here's where we went wrong. Our dealer warned us to eat a SMALL brownie, wait an hour, then eat another one if we didn't see any effects. Well, the brownies were so dang good we ended up cutting 3 inch x 3 inch pieces and scarfing them down. We waited *maybe* 30 minutes, then ate another one. Then we decided to go hot tubbing with Tim and his roommates and a bunch of his roommate's friends. Tim's roommate, we'll call him Kent, has an awesome hot tub in his backyard that lights up all different colors. We brought up the brownies to share with everyone, and a few people also had a large slice of brownie, including Kent. Tim and I ended up eating yet another one with everyone else. So that's three brownies we ingested. I don't know the exact dosage of pot, it's hard to tell and I'm not a big drug user so I'm not well-versed on how much pot actually ends up in edibles after you cook it in oil.
23:00 Some time after being in the hot tub, the bubbles in the glowing hot tub started to look extremely fascinating. Tim was watching me closely, because I had never gotten high before. He asked me if I was feeling anything. I was confused, because I wasn't sure, but everything was just so FASCINATING.
23:15 Then, for absolutely no reason, I started laughing uncontrollably. I don't know what was so funny, but I was laughing the hardest I have ever laughed in my entire life. Wow, was this what it was like to actually be high? Is it actually this fun? Everything was just so FUNNY. Everyone was staring at me, saying things that I couldn't really understand, and I was bent over laughing so hard Tim asked if I was ok. Everyone went quiet as I gasped in between laughter, trying to say yes, but I was laughing so hard even that was hard. Eventually my laughing fit subsided and I sat in the hot tub in pure happy bliss. I don't really remember much at that point except thinking how relaxed and happy I felt. I was finally high, for the first time in my life, and it was awesome.
23:45 I started to feel weird. Something was not right. I don't know what it was, but something just wasn't right. I asked Tim if we could go inside. He must have seen something in my face because he immediately said yes. We gathered our towels and headed inside.
23:55 Once in Tim's room, I dried off, got into some comfy clothes, and sat on Tim's bed utterly confused by the feelings I was having while he went to the bathroom. Then, slowly but surely, I felt like I was sinking into the bed, into the ground. My limbs, my body, weighed 1,000 pounds. A feeling of dizziness and nausea washed over me. I got tunnel vision and immediately knew what was about to happen. I had passed out from heat exhaustion before and this was the exact feeling. My breathing increased as I tried to not succumb to the tendrils that pulled me into unconsciousness. I croaked out Tim's name and said I think I was about to faint.
00:05 Tim came rushing out of the bathroom and sat next to me as I lay back on the bed, but I never passed out. I felt like I was on the edge of fainting but my body wouldn't let me.
I felt like I was on the edge of fainting but my body wouldn't let me.
I was sinking, sinking further into the bed. Tim asked what was wrong and I started babbling 'I don't know what's going on, I feel terrible, I hate this feeling, hate this feeling, what is happening'. Tim tried reassuring me and saying that I was high, I ate too many brownies, and that he was REALLY high too and he knew how I was feeling. Tim had eaten as much as I did but is also a 200 pound, 6'3' male who regularly smokes pot and knows what being high feels like.
00:20 I started to get this feeling all over my body like there were snakes crawling under my skin, as my mind started to warp and I started to lose touch with reality. My mind was water, and I was holding it in my hands as it slowly dripped through my fingers and slipped away. I started crying and gripping Tim like he was my last lifeline, my last thing that was real. What was real anyway? What was reality? My mind was splitting in two, but I managed to hold on, just barely. It was like I was hanging on the edge of reality by a bare thread.
00:30 Suddenly, I knew I was going to die. I started crying and Tim held me and asked what was wrong and I said we needed an ambulance because I was going to die. I wasn't going to wake up tomorrow, I was 100% convinced. 'I'm going to die, I'm not going to wake up tomorrow, this is the end' I sobbed into Tim's shoulder. Tim said no, I wasn't going to die, and that no one had EVER overdosed on pot, ever. I didn't believe him and was thoroughly convinced I overdosed and was going to die. Tim kept saying no one has ever died from marijuana use alone. It took him saying this about five times before I realized what he said was true and it calmed me down a bit.
00:45 The feelings of death and skin crawling persisted without any signs of subsiding. I begged Tim to look up overdosing marijuana on Google, to try and prove himself wrong. He didn't find any (of course) but we did find several forums where people described exactly what I was feeling. Knowing I wasn't alone in these terrible feelings, I calmed down some more. Googling other people's experiences was what really helped and I was no longer convinced I was going to die. However, I continued to cry and shake because the feelings of snakes under my skin and the feeling of my mind slipping in and out of reality continued, and I hated it. I cried and cried as my heart pounded itself out of my chest and I begged Tim to not let me go, to not leave me, to stay right there because I was scared and didn't know what was happening.
01:30 Tim suggested we find something to distract myself, to which I agreed. He brought his laptop on the bed, signed into Netflix and we watched The Office. This helped me immensely. I had something to distract myself from the feelings. I slipped in and out of watching The Office to feeling like shit, but overall watching the show helped. I even laughed at some of the jokes.
02:30 Tim said it was late and that we should go to bed. I started crying, convinced I was going to die again and that I wouldn't wake up. Tim reminded me I wasn't going to die, it's pot, it's not going to kill you.
02:45 I then decided enough was enough. I told Tim to leave me alone for a second. I marched myself in the bathroom, stuck my finger down my throat, and forced myself to vomit the rest of the brownies. I have never done anything like that before, and it was purely to get rid of any chances of staying THIS HIGH. I wanted to purge myself of those evil brownies and all they did to me.
03:15 I washed my mouth and hands and climbed back into bed with Tim. I curled against him as he calmly explained to me he's never been this high either and that everything is difficult for him too but that everything was ok. We turned off the lights and went to bed. Right before all was quiet, I asked Tim if I was ok. He said yes, everything was ok.
03:30 As I fell asleep I started to see patterns behind my eyes. I started to think about my mom and a warped picture of her swam behind my eyes. Do I have a mom? What is a mom? These patterns…I've seen them before, in my childhood. I started to remember a lot of my childhood I had previously forgotten, along with many of my childhood dreams. Eventually, I fell asleep. I don't know how long it took me but I feel into a dreamless sleep until noon the next day.
12:00 I woke up feeling very, very tired, and hazy. Thoughts were running through my head at about half the speed they normally do, and I was unusually quiet. Tim told me that it was normal and that I was 'burned out'. We went upstairs to talk to Kent, who told us he had vomited the whole night after eating the brownies. We apologized and talked about how I had basically lost my mind and vomited as well.
Tim and I threw out the rest of the brownies and thereafter decided we weren't doing that again, and if we did, we would eat a SMALL amount and wait a long time, instead of 30 minutes and eating large slices.
Since this train-wreck experience I've learned to control my paranoia while high on pot
Since this train-wreck experience I've learned to control my paranoia while high on pot
and now it's quite a pleasant experience for me every time, so I guess you can say this helped me learn how to control myself whilst high. (I also learned that when I had tried to smoke before, I wasn't breathing in properly, hence why I had never been high from smoking).
I wouldn't ever do this again but I'm grateful for the learning experience and in the end it helped me gain better control over my thoughts. I even discovered that pot helps me with my insomnia that has plagued me since I was 14. Lesson learned: Be careful with edibles!!!
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