Citation: M. "Too Much for Me: An Experience with Methoxetamine (exp105280)". Erowid.org. Dec 29, 2020. erowid.org/exp/105280
Too Much MXE for Me
It started when we got back to the house, around 11am. We left the house about 1pm the day before so it had been a looooong party. As soon as we started to chill out the house I thought I did not feel right. I felt I noticed things a lot more and I was starting to feel weird. I remember thinking that A was going out for a lot of cigarettes and all I wanted to do was lay down and chill with her. It seemed all we could do was smoke and take drugs.
So the first moment I really thought it got weird was when A did a balloon but it was not like normal. Instead of going the grey/blue colour she normally does she went almost dark green! It freaked me out. She then put her hand up to her mouth in a motion that showed she was going to be sick but instead of being sick she pulled the most chilling face I have seen. Something was wrong. So I moved over to keep her upright so she would not fall. She come around thank fuck and when I asked her if she was ok it was like she had just done a normal balloon. It was not nice to see.
What seemed like a million balloons and ten millions smokes later the girls decided to go and get more drink. I remember looking at them and thinking they looked right out a French film. So off they went and I hated it! I felt like A was never going to come back. I felt really empty at this point and just not good. I wanted to leave and go home. I felt like all we had in our life was this shit ket that was not even ket. After what seemed like forever they finally come back and this is when things really started to kick in.
The girls offered to make drinks for everyone then the three of them went into the kitchen to sort it all out. They were taking ages so I shouted in and asked if they were done. Then all three come out at once and gave myself and the others drinks. Then all three hovered over me and watched. I asked what they were doing and they said they had made it wrong or something so was seeing if it was ok. I made A drink some first because I thought they had done something to it. Then A sat down but S and AN stayed stood up watching me as I took a drink. Then they kept asking if it was fine and I had enough etc. It was odd. I even said how odd it was to them.
We carried on chilling and sniffing this stuff then I remember A and myself took one huge bump from the spoon then thatís when the world ended. Someone put some music on with like a African beat and the way the sun was shining into the house just set everything off. We both started feeling odd at the same time. She said she felt like we were in an IKEA catalogue and I felt like we were on some movie set or something. Then the K-hole feel come over me. When everything feels shrink wrapped and melted down. So we took our selfs outside to get away from the music and get some air. We started to smoke but I think that stimulated the trip even more. All of a sudden I could see the garden fold down square by square. The squares were maybe a foot by a foot. Folding in towards us until it was just us on the step and no garden. I could feel this alien or higher being watching down on us from the top left but I never looked up to see. I turned around to A and said something was not right and I had fucked up. I screamed and shook my head to try and come out of it and it did for a second but then went straight back in. The garden folded up again and I thought to myself. You have done it now. Thatís the end.
I sort of blacked out a little then and come around to walking up the stairs thinking ďFUCK, I am deadĒ I really have done it. I wanted to turn around to see if my body was on the sofa but I could not. A was in the room that I was being led to by AN and she was sat on the bed. I was asking what was going on but AN just said I should get some rest because I have done too much. Done too much what I thought?! I sat on the bed with A and thought this feels a little like a trip but I can see and feel and hear like normal, this is not right. I must be dead.
I am not sure how much time passed but I was freaking out. My mind had somehow lost the fact that I had been sniffing drugs and now I thought I was just trapped in this house. I felt like I had moved to a different universe. We were in a multiverse and somehow I had shifted. All this time I could still feel this higher being in the sky. I never looked up though but when I think of it now I get the image of the death star in star wars. When they look up at the sky and see it. Thatís the feeling I had. I thought I had been trapped in this other universe by AN, S and L and they were going to kill me and A. I did not even know if A was real anymore. I was looking on her back for her moles to see if she was real. I was doing things that only she and I know about to see if it was really her. I felt they had already took her and this was a clone to lure me into calm so I would sleep and they could do what they wanted with me. At one point I thought A was even in on the whole thing. I lost all trust in her. I thought maybe she had put something in my drink when they had made it before and it and turned me into this mess.
I felt fine and completely normal upstairs. I could hold a convo, I could read and talk and go to the toilet etc but as soon as I walked downstairs it was like a heavy weight hit me. I could not walk properly and I could not talk or think properly and whatever anyone said I would agree with and do. I thought this was a way of them keeping me in the house. I was asking if I could leave and they kept saying its best for me to stay right now. I could not get a real answer from them. I thought this was just because they wanted to do something to me. I really thought at any moment when I was in the bedroom that they would come in and stab me or something.
AN come in at one point when A was using the bathroom and she told me the time and date. I asked her after and she said its because I had asked her but at the time I thought she was reading me the time and date of my death. AN looked different also. Shorter and her smile was really wide. Like the old guy out of UP. L was also the same, a lot shorter but it seemed like he had really long hair. They are good friends of mine and it was really sad and disappointing that they had broke my trust and had captured me in this house forever. Or were going to kill me etc. I had a lot of thoughts going on in my head like maybe I had sniffed bad drugs or maybe I was dead or maybe I was in a different universe but they never conflicted each other and I never thought well if I am this then I cannot be that. They all seemed to just be.
I then remember thinking that my whole life was not even real. It was a stage show for this moment. Like the Truman show almost. I felt stupid for never noticing this fucking huge death star, god, alien thing in the sky before. How had I never seen that. It was all a fake life leading up to this moment.
How had I never seen that. It was all a fake life leading up to this moment.
So they could harvest my mind and soul and build what they wanted with it. I felt like shit. I felt like my family were never real, my girlfriend was fake. All my memories and childhood friends were all fake and even in on the plan to get me to this moment at this time.
I needed to escape. I kept going downstairs all fine like I am now, just harder to breath then everything hitting me. I was looking for excuses to go down so I could try and register the reactions I was getting from everyone and also so I could plan an escape route but every time I went down they would say to lay down and I could not leave yet etc and I had to agree with them. I could not argue back for some reason. As soon as they spoke I was back in the grasp they had on me. Plus this heavy weight was hindering my movement. Another person was with them, J. He was on the sofa under a cover and I thought he was trapped also. He was just really fucked as well. Every time I come down he would shout my name then nothing else. I really thought he knew something. Like maybe a way to get this heaviness off me or something but they would stop him from talking as soon as he started.
Everything was going round in circles. I would go downstairs. Try and fail to get out then agree and come back upstairs thinking I am 100% getting out next time. Try again and repeat for what seemed like for ever. Eventually A and I lay on the bed after she had told me it was a bad idea to climb out the window on the plastic roof. But all I could think about was thatís what they wanted us to do. They wanted us to lay down so they could get us. Make us sleep and attack when we could not do anything about it. Or maybe they would not attack but thatís when we would be taken by the being in the sky.
Sat in the room upstairs was exactly like how I am sat now. Everything was 100% real. No hallucinations no nothing. I felt real and normal. That was the worst part. Thatís why I thought maybe I was dead because what was going on downstairs was not normal. Not how life normally is. Or maybe somehow the drugs and put me in a different universe so it was normal but just with this little difference of not ever being allowed out the house. That was my life now. The four walls I was trapped in.
We had one more friend with us this whole time. B and he was on the same stuff. One minute I went downstairs and he was there then the next he was not. I was convinced they had killed him. They showed me him sleeping in the spare room but I thought he was full on dead! I went back to the room I was in to hatch a plan (again) I then went back to check B again and I thought It was not even a real person. They had just stuck paper in some jeans and a hoody to make it look like a person. That was it. I was leaving.
I went down again and the front door was open so I took my chance and ran. I got out and ran off. Then before I hit the main road I remembered the thing in the sky. I still did not look up but I new it was watching. So I thought what's the point in running. It will get me anyway whatever I do so I went back to the house. Then I think from the water on the grass and fresh air thatís when I started to come back round.
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