DOSE:

750 mg

oral

Diphenhydramine

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

Background info on me:

I have been fascinated by hallucinogens ever since I first learned about them in my high school health class. Out of all the drugs out there they seem to have the most profound effects on the mind. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t do so well on my hallucinogen presentation. It was rushed and disorganized, and got a bad grade. I took this poor grade to heart and made it a goal to ingest the drugs to get a better understanding of what they were actually like instead of talking out of my ass, in attempt to compensate for my failure. So I tried shrooms once and tried DXM about 3 times to get an idea of what psychedelics and dissociative drugs were like. I read online that there was another class of hallucinogens I had completely neglected; deliriants. A type of drug so scary, almost no sane person would try it. But I couldn’t just stop at two categories of hallucinogens; I had to try them all. I thought I could handle this so called ‘scary’ drug. I was very, very wrong.

My first trip:

I was considering finding jimson weed (datura) since I lived in Virginia, or growing deadly nightshade in my garden, but I discovered that Benadryl was very similar is composition to those two drugs and readily available. Since I was on summer break from college, and had quite a bit a free time trip out. I decided to head over to a dollar store and pick up some OTC sleep aid to hallucinate. I walked over to the local public library and decided to down about 400 mg of the blue pills with a pickle jar full of water (I was told deliriants make your mouth very dry). I decided to use the library computer to watch YouTube videos and play a game I downloaded waiting for the sleep pills to kick in.

When I first felt it coming on, I had a very strange migraine type headache and thought I was going to have a stroke, so I thought to myself “Oh well, it’s been a good life. I guess I’m going to die now.” I accepted my fate and at that point my headache died and I began to hallucinate and lose all control of my muscles. I asked the front desk to check out a library book, but I was so severely intoxicated that I could only speak in gibberish. I went to the front desk to check out a book and said to the librarian “I’d like to check out a bzubbuzzzhahwahbavbuh.” “What?” The librarian asked “I said I’d like to check out a bzzubbawhzooklpbzah ffgorffgl! “What??' “……… never mind.”

I walked back over to the computer and I wondered why the computer was acting wonky, at the time I thought it was a glitch but then realized my limbs were so heavy that I simply lost the ability to type. The visuals were quite interesting, but at the time very ominous and sinister looking. As I stared at the screen it looked as though it was covered in a film of tiny droplets of mineral oil slowly dripping down the screen around the library. The grain of the wood on the desk started to move like with most other hallucinogens, but something that was unique to this drug was the refractions. It looked as though the entire library was underwater. I also noticed that whenever I looked at an object long enough, the color would slowly fade away. I walked to the bathroom to fill up my pickle jar with more water. I faded out of consciousness. I was awoken when I heard a deafening distorted shatter and saw water and glass shards scattered across the tile floor. I had accidentally dropped my pickle jar full of water due to the drugs muscle weakening effects.

One thing that really bothered me was my heart and my breathing. My heart was pounding away at least 130 bpm, maybe higher and my breathing was shallow. This made it very difficult to walk without becoming winded and I’m sure if I sprinted I would have surely died. Another thing that really bothered me were the closed eyed hallucinations. I saw myself walking towards the entrance of the library, but then I slammed into a car door as it was being opened and realized I was nowhere near the entrance at all, and was actually in the parking lot. I apologized to the guy, and in my paranoid state of mind I thought he would kill me soon if didn’t leave immediately, so I walked away. The closed eye hallucinations on this drug are so realistic that it’s hard to tell whether or not your eyes are really closed or open. I had essentially memorized the layout of the parking lot, the library and the entrance in my mind, all in 3D. I decided to walk home to the room I was staying in, and on the way I came across a guy and asked him

“Are you real?”

“Am I real?" He asked.

I stared at him with extremely dilated eyes for what seemed like forever, before I walked off. On the way I heard angry screams. Someone was yelling my name as if they wanted to kill me. I never found them. The rest of the day was fine and it had surprisingly little after effects.

The second trip where I almost died: It happened in the library again and was quite similar. The second time I took it, was at a much higher dosage (750mg) and this was a HUGE mistake. It started off the same, but this time, I blacked out almost completely, leaving gaping holes in my memory. As the drug started to effect me I lost all control and it warped my perspective. It’s a terrible and pathetic thing to witness yourself slowly but surely turning into a psychotic zombie in front of a library full of people. I couldn't make out their expressions, but I'm sure I freaked out all of those people; walking like a zombie and gripping on to the library shelves and falling flat on my ass. I lost my ability to hear and see most things. I got tunnel vision and could only hear or see what I focused on. Everything else was just blackness or my ears ringing. It also felt as though my heart was going to EXPLODE.

I zombie walked up to the info desk to check out a book. They told me that I needed to go to the front desk.

'I SAID I needd to cheeeck ooout a book!' I had intended to scream, but could only let out a faint but still indignant sounding mumblings.

'I'm going to have call someone' the librarian said.

I stood there leaning over the info desk to support my weakened leg muscles that felt like there were just noodles made of human flesh, intent on getting her to check the library book check out. It didn't matter what the stupid librarian said, she was going to check that book out for me. Those are the kind of psychotic and nonsensical thoughts that ran though my mind. she put a phone to the side of her head and moved her lips but no words came out. Everything was ringing static or just mute.

I don’t really remember much after that. I was pretty much unconscious and I might have been led to the exit by other people at the library.

While I was in the parking lot, a police officer drove by me and asked:

“Have you seen a suspicious looking young guy walking around in circles?” and I told him

“No”

And he drove off.

Now I realize that I was that “suspicious looking young guy” But that police officer may have been a hallucination as well. I walked all the way home, something that normally took me forty five minutes to an hour, took me at least three hours. On the way home, I had a scenario that played in my mind of crackheads leaping out of the bushes, raping me, and gutting me. I thought I was in serious danger and decided to avoid any bushes at all costs. When I got home I sat and the ground unconscious with my [usually closed] door wide open. When I 'came to' there I was with a paring knife held up to my forearms ready to end my misery, but then a voice in my head said 'Nah.' and I casually tossed the knife aside. A roommate saw me in a very delirious state, with dilated pupils, a sky high pulse rate and talking like I had schizophrenia; completely random and disorganized thoughts. I was taking about how walruses were related to waterfalls and tomato sauce when I was asked the question 'What's wrong?' Luckily they were a nurse and gave me some sedatives to lower my heart rate, unfortunately it made breathing very difficult so I was wheeled off to the emergency room. They asked me had I taken any drugs and I told them 'no'. I'm really not sure if was delirious that I had simply forgotten I had taken drugs or if it was a defense mechanism (denying everything) fearing that they would send me to rehab or a psych ward if I told the truth. It might have been both.

When I finally took the bus back home, I was realized I was still tripping sack. The initial physical effects of the drug were gone, but whenever it was dark outside or when I turned my lights out, my eyes began to vibrate rapidly (nystagmus) and I saw demons everywhere. I even saw my bedsheets slowly but surely transform in to a green demon sleeping right next to me. I also noticed pronounced amnesia, depersonalization, and dissociation. I did some things that were strange, pathetic, and very out of character like blacking out for several seconds and then finding myself furiously masturbating to picture of or the ‘Twilight Actress’ in a Guinness Book of World Records and I had the vague feeling that I went to a dollar store and demanded they give me my money back, because their pills had messed me up. Watching movies was also quite disturbing. When I watched movies or looked at pictures and felt as though the characters were real, staring me right in the face. To this day whenever I look at a picture, I am transported into it or the reverse happens where the characters are transported into my world, which can be either fun or creepy depending on what it is.

A few months afterwards, I decided to watch the movie “Jacob’s Ladder and found it to be surprisingly relevant and very disturbing. The hallucinations in the movie reminded me a lot of what I saw under the influence of diphenhydramine and towards the end of the movie I discovered that that the Vietcong soldiers in the movie were gassed with the chemical weapon 'BZ'. After watching I feared I may have rotted my brain.

I knew the initial trip would be unpleasant but I never expected the side effects could be so long lasting. Because of this drug, I have extreme panic attacks, hypochondria, and heart problems. I literally can’t run at all or stay up too late because it causes me to get butterflies in my chest and feel like death, just like during the delirious trips. The doctors can’t find anything wrong with my heart but I can still feel it. I read online that the heart damage caused by cocaine is often undetectable, and I suspect that it’s the same case with diphenhydramine overdoses. I can't recommend this drug to anyone (unless of course they’re using small doses for allergies). DXM is much safer and more pleasant. To this day I think to myself “Why oh why didn’t I take the DXM?

Had I known that diphenhydramine was part of a class of poisons used for mind control, murder, and chemical warfare (these are THE drugs that inspired zombies), I might have never taken this awful drug and kept my health and my sanity. Every day feels like my last day on earth.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 105359
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Aug 31, 2018	Views: 2,838
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Diphenhydramine (109) : Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)