DOSE:	repeated	smoked	Crack
	repeated	smoked	Methamphetamine

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

I am the author of 'Dancing With The White Bitch'. This is the followup.

I am also the submitter of nitrous trip report Whipped Hard Enough To Leave Scars, from roughly the same period of time. At the beginning (2006-2009) I was using nitrous very heavily and cocaine very occasionally (nitrous in large quantities - usually 4-6 boxes of 24 chargers per sitting - almost daily toward the end, cocaine approximately 2-8 times per month, about 1-2 grams at a time). In 2009, I developed severe polyneuropathies & combined spinal cord degeneration due to my heavy nitrous use, and at that point I stopped the nitrous use completely, but started using cocaine multiple times per week, and snorting extremely large quantities of my ADHD medications, ritalin and focalin during that same time period. When my psychiatrist realized I was manipulating her to increase my dosage, she cut my ADHD medications off, and I began pursuing avenues (mostly sexual) for procuring cocaine on a nearly-daily (sometimes multiple times per day) basis. It was at that point that I submitted the first trip report regarding cocaine, 'Dancing With The White Bitch'.

Part of the difficulty I experience, following such heavy usage of neurologically-damaging agents, is that I have a very difficult time explaining things with fewer words, and I have a hard time putting stories together in an economical and concise way.

Diary of a Dragon-Chaser

Crack turned all my boogers black
Along with all my pores
My nose grew over ten feet long
To hide I'd become a whore

It stole away my conscience
As it tore apart my soul
And where I'd thought still beat a heart
I found instead a hole

My teeth all rotted inside-out
Darkened gray, and yellowed
Also decayed all hope and faith
Nothing remained in life hallowed

I saw most often naught but the ground
In case I might spy a stray rock
And thought of naught but my next hit
Whenever my addict sucked cock

My hands were always filthy,
Searching by feel 'cross the floor
No longer I noticed poor hygiene's B.O.
So often alone behind my locked doors

I forgot how to make conversation
Excepting in Spanish and street
And rarely felt aught but my joint pain
So little I rested my feet

I forgot loans are meant for repaying
I lied to get more than was fair
I went to extensive intricate lengths
To ensure I'd never have to put up my share

I learned to say everything but what I meant
So I could constantly gauge my next score
All real friends were distant and soon non-existent
As I couldn't recall what I'd first made them for

Everyone rushed to end my calls
No one would come to my home
My kitties grew thin and insecure
Too often they had to fend on their own

Desiring nothing more than that glass d**k's oblivion
In its swift wake, I doubted my worth
As everything faded, except for self-hatred
I came to despise the day of my birth

When I mentioned self-harm ideations,
No one answered my pleas for kind words
Even when screamed to large silent throngs
My petitions for help always passed through unheard

Or rather, all avoided interaction,
Any involvement deemed inadvisable
So returning to my ubiquitous playground rejections,
I resumed my role as the quintessential undesirable

This list goes on neverending
And be sure I'll soon add further couplets
So think on this when you're offered that stem of good and evil
Please escape right away, any chance you might say,
'What the hell, might as well, okay fuck it.'

The moral of this woeful accounting
Is that even so I still hold a small speck of hope
That most will go to the grave, never knowing the craving
That comes with that first taste of the white bitch's dope

But even if you're already imprisoned
And she's clawed Will and Psyche divided
With all that's left behind,
let's pray there's a Divine,
who will show us the sign,
that says where we'll find
that the g*dd*mn BOOTSTRAP INSTRUCTION MANUALS
ARE FINALLY FUCKING BEING PROVIDED!

But listen, please, still, for there's more yet to fear!
(I **SWEAR** that this's my last verse!)
When I switched to the tweak they call shards crystal meth
Things only managed to get drastically worse!

Exp Year: 2006-2012	ExpID: 105641
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: Jun 27, 2021	Views: 1,779
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Cocaine (13), Methamphetamine (37) : Various (28), Poetry (43), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27)