Citation: Mandy Adams. "20 Years a Friend: An Experience with MDMA (exp105896)". Erowid.org. Aug 16, 2019. erowid.org/exp/105896
I first took ecstasy (MDMA) aged eighteen. I'm now forty, and have probably had over 100 experiences with the drug. I still take it and used it last weekend. Over that period I learnt very much about how I could first abuse and then use this substance such that I now have a glowing respect for it. I felt that recording my experiences over 20 years would make an unusual report and it may be that others can benefit from some of my learnings.
Amazing first experience and then immediately take up usage of about 1-2 pills once or twice a week in rave or club setting. Love that E makes me less introverted. Love that E enhances music and dancing enhances E. Super happy and physical rushes of pleasure. Life starts to revolve around going out at the weekend, and mid week, while not exactly blue, becomes a low point. After 6 months I have an epiphany, literally when looking in the mirror, that I was no longer feeling myself and was overdoing the E. This makes me a little scared and so I find it easy to take a break from E and abstain for 6 months.
Resume usage but, wary of overuse, only 10-15 times per year in club/rave/party setting. Initial E euphoria never quite returns likely due to lack of novelty
Initial E euphoria never quite returns likely due to lack of novelty
and physical rushes of pleasure are diminished, but still an intensely pleasurable and rewarding experience. This, for me, at this age, is a sustainable regimen and I obtain a degree from high ranking university at this time, evidencing little, if any, cognitive impairment or interference with my daily life. I believe E helped me to open up and become a less introverted person.
Also at this time I experiment with many substances such as cocaine, amphetamine, mushrooms and LSD.
MDMA, along with cannabis and alcohol, are the substances I continue to use regularly. Very occasional cocaine use. Experimentation with ketamine and salvia but not regular use. No substance causes a problem except I become addicted to smoking nicotine and only manage to properly quit when I turn 40.
I associate taking MDMA with going out to a club or party and its not something I would take on my own or at home. Over the years usage reduces to approximately 1-4 times per year, mainly due to changes in lifestyle: professional job, marriage, children. MDMA becomes an occasional treat and I continue to enjoy it very much.
I become increasingly scientific in my usage of the drug aiming to optimise my experience with it. I have good sources for this substance in crystal/molly form and have one purchase GC MS tested by a chemist friend, who reports 98% pure mdma.
My typical usage of the drug nowadays consists of a single oral dose of about 100mg (I weigh 75-80kg). This gives wonderful empathogenic effects and yet avoids excessive stimulation for my not so youthful body. I often have a few units of alcohol with the MDMA but am careful to use just enough to become only lightheaded; tipsyness let alone drunkeness would spoil the effects for me.
During the MDMA high, which lasts the typical 4-5 hours from ingestion, I get feelings of warmth and empathy for others. I become open and talkative and feel I have no real worries in life and that I should be thankful for all I have. I love dancing on this drug as much as I always have.
Unique amongst the stimulants I have taken, the comedown from MDMA is not at all unpleasant. I will typically smoke 0.2g of marijuana during the comedown and like to have a glass of red wine before I go to bed. I can fall asleep easily but as its usual early morning by then, my body clock does not let me sleep long.
I awake with a physical tiredness reflective of the late night and limited sleep I've had, but I am in good spirits. For comparison an alcohol hangover is a much worse thing at my age making me groggy all day. And then begins the beautiful afterglow of this amazing substance, which is in someways comparable to the after effects of LSD and mushrooms if I remember well those trips from many years ago. I love playing soulful music and dancing around the house the next day even though I'm no longer high. I look back at the previous night with fondness and feel the night of escape will put me in good stead when I return to my day job which can at times be stressful. I have a renewed love of myself and seek to give love and care for others. I like to spend this time in company of others.
Two days after the experience I am perfectly capable of returning to work, although I am unlikely to be performing at my peak for a few more days. Over the next week or so I seem to be more relaxed, considerate, and in a generally good mood.
E has had a positive effect on my life. I'm glad I tried it and I continue to use it from time to time. For me the key is moderate doses taken occasionally. This results in extremely pleasurable experiences which yield an afterglow that lifts my spirits.
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