Citation: ShouldveKnownBetter. "Absolute Blackout: An Experience with Etizolam & Alcohol (exp105936)". Erowid.org. May 3, 2015. erowid.org/exp/105936
Those of you familiar with benzo/thienzodiazepines may have chuckled at the title of this report – after all, amnesia is a common effect of this class of drugs. However, the important factor in this experience is that I used a quantity of etizolam which I’ve used before (although I don't use it frequently enough to have much of a tolerance), and in a fashion that I’ve used it before, and it still blindsided me. Here’s what happened:
I spent most of my “day off” working overtime, and decided to drive 50 miles back to my hometown to spend the evening with my parents. Since I intended to spend the whole night there, in safe circumstances, I thought it would be fun to take some etizolam. I typically take it mixed in alcohol – NOTE, this is NOT recommended, but I have a high tolerance for alcohol and had combined it with etizolam a number of times before with no ill effects. On this occasion I mixed approximately 5 milligrams of etizolam powder (using a microscoop rather than a scale, also not recommended) into approximately 2.5 ounces of 21 proof gin. I drank half of the etiz-spiked gin, on an empty stomach, immediately upon parking in front of my parents’ house. I shortly began to feel very mellow, and spent the next two hours watching a movie with Mom and Dad. When it was over I still felt in control of myself, and decided to make a short trip to a nearby grocery store. Announcing that I was going to the store is the last clear memory I have of that evening. I have vague recollections of being at the store, of returning to find my Mom cooking a turkey breast, and, some time later, making up a plate of said turkey and some stuffing for myself.
The next thing I knew, I woke up on my parents’ couch at 6:30 in the morning. I do not remember drinking the rest of the etizolam-gin, but I must have because I later found the bottle it was in empty. The fact that I was asleep on the couch wasn’t strange – both of my parents were getting over a cold, and I’d told them in advance that I was going to sleep on the couch so one of them could have the spare bedroom so they wouldn’t keep each other awake coughing. However, I had no recollection of actually going to sleep – or of putting on my pajamas, which I was wearing. I did remember making up my dinner plate and realized that I hadn’t eaten it, so I quickly disposed of the food – which awakened one of my parents' three dogs, who came downstairs to join me - and went back to sleep until about 9 a.m., when my parents woke up.
I didn’t become particularly concerned about the blank spot in my memory until a bit later, when I pointed out an article in the previous day’s paper to my Mom, and she told me that I’d noticed it the night before and discoursed on it at some length. As the day went on, Mom mentioned more and more things that I had no memory of, and I realized that I had utterly, completely lost about six hours of the night before. My Mom - bless her a thousand-thousand times – didn’t seem overly concerned, and simply told me not to take “whatever it was” I’d taken again. I, however, was nothing short of terrified – I had previously used at least twice that quantity of this same batch of etizolam in one evening, and I’d not experienced anything like this sort of blackout.
I’m writing this 32 hours after that first dose of etizolam, and as far as I know, there were no ill consequences (other than spending more money than I meant to at the store, and my Mom knowing I was on something). However, I’m literally shaking in fear of what could have happened – in particular, I’m worried about their dogs, which I love more than any other living creatures aside from my parents – those dogs will eat just about anything, and I’m horrified at the idea that I might have left something dangerous lying around. Assuming that nothing bad comes of this experience, I’m supremely grateful that this happened when I was in safe circumstances. From now on I will never use etizolam for anything other than therapeutic purposes (I do have occasional insomnia and anxiety attacks) – its recreational value is nowhere near worth the potential dangers.
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