DOSE:

25 mg

oral

4-AcO-DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

165 lb

I had been wanting to try a psychedelic for many years, but every opportunity that presented itself fizzled out somehow. I imagined fate was intervening, as I was worried that my mind might not interact too well with these substances and the universe was just protecting me from myself. So throughout most of my twenties, all I did was drink alcohol, smoke weed, and take various opiates.

I found a way to procure some 4-aco-DMT and 4-aco-MET. The 4-aco-MET turned out to be degraded and the experience, though eye opening, did not do much for me at all. I decided that next time, I was going to take enough to make sure I felt something, and as I had the 4-aco-DMT as well, I decided on 25mg of it.

The timing for my adventure was probably not the best in the world, but it ended up having little effect on my experience. I was supposed to be studying for a chemistry exam but I knew I was going to dose that evening and became restless, so I gave up on studying. At 11:10 P.M., I measured out the 25mg, poured it under my tongue, licked the measuring plate, and held it all in my mouth for as long as I could stand before swallowing and washing it down with a beverage. It had a nasty medicinal flavor that reminded me of when I would insufflate Oxycodone, but it also had a slightly sour taste. It was not intolerable.

The first sensation was apparent within ten minutes. It was like the physical effects of anxiety without the mental distress. I felt lighter and more energetic, but also uncomfortable. I picked up my guitar in an effort to find something to stay focused on, but it proved fruitless. I laughed nervously and said to myself, 'I think I fucked up.'

I decided immediately that I absolutely did not want to play guitar. All I wanted to do was turn off the lights and lay down. The physical effects were very unpleasant to me, but I knew it was too late and I was going to have to deal with my actions.

I turned off the lights, crawled into bed, curled up in a fuzzy blanket, and lay as still as possible. This was probably about thirty minutes into it (sorry I don't have exact times, as I lost track of it). My dog came into my bedroom and scooted up to my face, trying to get me to pet her.

This was when I began to notice patterns everywhere. I'm not sure how to describe them. They were boxy and maze-like and constantly moving. They were not what I would call intense - they were not very bright, the colors were dark red and blue, mostly, with a liquid sort of texture, but still they were very visible. Pictures and posters on my wall seemed to melt and distort. I looked at my dog, and her snout and eyes began to morph. I couldn't help but giggle - I couldn't believe what the fuck I was seeing. I also felt slightly apprehensive - I didn't know what was ahead of me, and the physical anxiety didn't help matters. I just pet my dog constantly and told her she was the only thing grounding me to reality at that time. Petting her was a delightful experience; her fur felt way more soft than it normally did, and I'm sure she was enjoying it just as much as I was.

The physical effects were becoming an extreme hindrance. I was very much enjoying the visual effects, but the body load made me wish several times that the whole thing would just end. I wanted to throw up so badly but I was afraid to stand up for fear of making myself feel even more ill. The not-so-pleasant physical feelings seemed to dissipate when I closed my eyes, at least for a while, before they would intensify and then dissipate after OPENING my eyes. I also felt tingling throughout my body and what I am guessing was vasodilation or constriction, because it felt very similar to my migraine medication, which is a non-psychedelic (obviously) tryptamine and produces a slightly similar physical sensation.

The cycle of comfort and discomfort, brought on by closing my eyes and then opening them, continued for a while. I lay on my side, watching the window blinds breathe and morph, with patterns overlaid on them, until I got so physically ill I had to close my eyes, and then I would watch patterns in CEV for a while. Although I was at times uncomfortable, I couldn't stop giggling, often at the silliest things. I would hide my head under my blanket and just giggle away like a five year old. I truly felt like a kid.

'All this has happened,' I thought, 'and I haven't even tried listening to music.' Since I was feeling so uncomfortable, like I was in a balloon rising farther from earth and farther out of my own control, I wanted to listen to something that would ground me, so I picked My Morning Jacket's 'Z,' because they're my favorite band and that's my favorite album of theirs. I was hoping its familiarity would bring me some comfort.

People often say that when you take a psychedelic, every little thing you do seems very novel, like you're doing it for the first time. I finally understood that, listening to this album. Despite having listened to it more times than I can count, it was like I'd never heard it before, and the level of detail I was able to perceive was astounding. I found it even more astounding that I was listening to it at a very low volume, yet the sound was immense, engulfing, and three dimensional. I heard effects on guitars that I'd never heard before. I was able to appreciate how well the album was mixed. I felt like I was in the studio with the band. The best part was that listening to music seemed to quell the physical discomfort. If I stopped the music, the unpleasant physical sensations returned.

I decided to skip 'It Beats 4 U.' Although I like the song's sentiment, the dark chords and sinister bass line made me uncomfortable at that moment. I wish I had stuck around for the whistling part, though. I continued on my merry journey, occasionally giggling at the incomprehensible experience I was having.

For reasons I still do not know, I ended up crying during the climax of 'Gideon.' I was overcome with emotion and had a good cry. I didn't have any sad thoughts, and the lyrics have never seemed to me particularly somber, but still I cried, involuntarily.

By the time the middle of the album was reached, I encountered the deepest point of the trip. I closed my eyes and had what I suppose would be called an internal hallucination, which took place in a red and yellow big top circus tent, probably due to the circus waltz sound of the song 'Into the Woods.' It was like a daydream but with exquisite detail. I was fully immersed in this environment, and I seemed to have no control over how it played out. I didn't care either. I was completely disconnected from a focused stream of consciousness, just floating throughout wherever the hell I was, observing. Nothing of import happened in the tent, I just listened to the music and watched Jim James sing beneath the big top, delighting in the seemingly surround sound quality of the glissando from the pedal steel.

The next part is hard to describe, because I was basically a vegetable and not very aware of 'me.' I felt almost paralyzed in bed, though not in a bad way. I drifted in and out of awareness - but when I did come to, I would hear voices coming in and out. The timbre of their voices indicated to me that they were African. I can't remember what language they were speaking. I was too off my tits to tell, so I had no idea what the hell they were saying or talking about. It seemed as if there was no 'me' there to care or not care about it. I heard, but I wasn't listening, if that makes sense. However, the fact that I remember this, albeit faintly, indicates I didn't experience any sort of ego loss. My consciousness was just detached, or it felt detached. Like it decided to switch itself off and just let me 'be' for a while.

Suddenly, it felt like someone pulled a lever, and the power levels began to plummet. I gradually became more lucid and 'in my body.' I almost felt normal enough to get up. This lasted for a couple of minutes before the tingling came back, and I knew right away that I was going to start tripping again.

I progressed through the remainder of 'Z,' and prepared myself for the emotional moment I knew was coming at the closing song. I easily cry to 'Dondante' when I'm completely sober, so if this chemical made me cry for no reason at all to another song, I knew I was going to bawl my eyes out to this one. And I did, but it didn't happen until the climactic forte of the song. I suddenly felt an extreme flow of empathy for Jim James, probably one of the most empathetic feelings of my life. I felt how sad he was about his friend, and for the rest of the song I could not stop weeping. My crying decreased in intensity when the saxophone came in and the song quieted. It felt like the saxophone was weeping with me, or I was weeping with the saxophone - the phrases of the notes seemed to breathe in when I did and flow outward when I wept outward. I noticed afterward how wet my pillow was - but it was like feeling that cool, wet fabric for the first time. Like when you're a kid and you experience that sensation. Now, any time I think about that moment in the song and my reaction to it, my eyes begin to water.

The remainder of the trip continued to cycle - with phases of tripping trading with moments of lucidity and 'realness,' though lessening in intensity each cycle. I listened to some Sturgill Simpson and that too sounded just as amazing as 'Z' did. I again felt like I was in the studio. I could see every line of emotive expression on Sturgill's face as he sang.

From that point on I just chilled out while things began to decline. I felt more back down to earth, and the music lost a bit of its mesmerizing twinkle. I finally felt well enough to get up, though I had a physical sensation of buoyancy as I walked around. I was voraciously hungry and ate many foods - a banana first, and again, it felt like I was eating a banana for the first time. It was so delicious - I thought my dulled senses from years of living in the real world had been clouding my ability to sense how wonderful it truly tasted. All experiences felt as though a veil had been lifted.

I fell asleep around four in the morning and woke up at ten a.m., unable to go back to sleep. My eyes felt very grainy and dry, but otherwise I felt great. Nothing like the day after I'd taken the 4-aco-MET, which left me with an anhedonia and foggy consciousness that lasted for a week. This time, I felt clearheaded and otherwise normal. I had boatloads of physical energy later that evening at work.

I'm not sure if 25mg was too much for someone's first time with any psychedelic, but apart from the physical discomfort in the first half of the trip, it was a wonderful experience. Prior to this, throughout my many years of researching various psychedelics, I thought, if anyone was likely to freak out and go insane from these things, it was me, but I had such a pleasant experience I'm still a little astounded at just how pleasant it was. I even had an occasional bad thought cross my mind during the trip but nothing terrible ever came of it. Before I tried any psychedelic, I thought for sure if I had even one negative intrusive thought during the experience, that it would surely sour the rest of my trip. But when the thought of an ex peeped its way into my trip, I just grinned and thought, 'Screw that person,' and went on my way, and that was that. No freakouts, no break from reality (in the bad way), just a barrage of incredible sensations and perceptions. And nausea.

Another note: My primary motivation for seeking out a tryptamine was due to my chronic, debilitating migraines. I had read that sumatriptan, my current migraine medication, was a tryptamine, and made the association with previous psychedelic research immediately. I read about the similar molecular structure of migraine-aborting tryptamines and psychedelic tryptamines, and I had read about other peoples' success with psychedelic tryptamines' cessation of migraines, and cluster headaches. I had a hunch, or maybe just a hope, that it would help me too. The sumatriptan is somewhat effective but it doesn't work all the time and when it doesn't work my migraines interfere significantly with my day-to-day life and livelihood. I get migraine headaches so often that I often go through my prescription well before my insurance will allow me to get a refill, and the thought that I might be having rebound migraines made me detest my condition (and the sumatriptan) even more.

I wanted something that would just get rid of my migraine symptoms and headaches all together, or at least decrease their frequency. I have noticed since consuming even the 4-aco-MET that the usual nagging pain I have in my left temple and orbital area has disappeared. Sometimes that nagging pain would turn into a full blown migraine, sometimes it would just stay a nagging pain, but it is gone, for the time being, and I am beginning to think it is due to the psychedelic tryptamines. I was even able to have several beers with some friends last week without a hitch, when it would otherwise leave me with a migraine. It is hard to fully convey how wonderful it feels to not have that pain looming in my temple, threatening to disable me at any moment. That pain is gone, there is no trace of it whatsoever, and as such, no migraines for it to progress into. I feel normal for the first time in nearly a decade.

If it is indeed the chemical that is responsible for this, it has already brought me immense relief. But only time will tell. I have read reports of people going up to six months without a migraine following psychedelic tryptamine consumption. If I have even a third of that success, I will be extremely happy. That this chemical might bring me relief from that wretched disease makes me want to cry tears of joy. It just might give me my life back.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 106069
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 29
Published: Jun 25, 2018	Views: 5,080
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : General (1), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)