DOSE:			Acacia confusa
			Syrian Rue

7pm - 5am

The beginning:

I was sitting on the bed, and the bed was starting to oscillate like the waves of the sea. Just as the patterns on the blanket moved with the oscillation, so too, was the bed was expanding and contracting with my breath. My vision became more distorted: the familiar glow of geometric patterns of hexagons, triangles, circles and other nameless shapes weaved and loomed before me. With all the movement of everything I saw, I felt nauseous as if I was having motion sickness.

After vomiting -

Love
I gazed, eyes half-opened through dark lashes that mirrored the black tassels that hung from a drape above my head. I felt the cool breeze through the woven fibres of drape, or a scarf, which shielded me from the glistening sunrays. I heard muffled laughter and a different language not known to me. But their voices brought within me a comfort, a safety, a love. I could see that the voices belonged to the silhouettes that were moving with the rhythms of their speech. Their voices were hushed, as if they were trying not to awaken me. I raised my left arm, and saw that it was a child’s arm, baby fat still wrapped around the bones, my fingers looking like small sausages. My skin was brown, like the shadow of the earth that I can just make out beyond the fibres that shielded me from the heat. My hands were clenched, and one of the sihouettes, seeing movement from me, lifted up the cloth and through the blinding sun, I can make out the dark face of a woman, smiling tenderly at me.

I was wearing red shorts, a white blouse, and my right hand was clutched within the left hand of an adult man. His hand was warm, like a father’s, a brother’s. He turned his face around toward me, and beamed an excited smile as he pulled me towards a carousel. I looked down, and I was running in little steps on trodden earth, my steps surrounded by others in different coloured shoes. I looked up, and saw beyond the man colourful images of tents, balloons, games; people running and strolling around. It was my first time in the city, and my first time at the amusement park. I could hear sounds of laughter, children screams of excitement, carnival music, animal sounds maybe from sheep and cows. I was nervous, excited, a little timid and scared. But I was in safe hands with this man, and I followed him into the crowd.

Death
My right hand was clenched with my mother’s and my left with my father’s. Suddenly, my vision turned wispy grey: swirling mist and white smoke rose in front and around me, and the hands that were holding me started to evaporate, leaving me behind as Death took them away. Death was around me. The world was a bubble of darkness, grey mists, brown trodden earth as animals were slayed, the land was abused, men were tortured, women raped, children killed. I heard screams, cries, shouts of anger, wails of horror, sobbing. I saw flashes of centuries of violence and hate before me, like a fast-forward history lesson of the world from the Beginning to the Now. I saw the concentration camps around the world in different cultures, the covert torture chambers where souls were stolen and forgotten, and graves hurriedly dug to hide the mass of bodies. There was no distinguishing between races or culture, for Death rode through the land like the storm through a deserted land. It does not care for such differences. I smelt blood, putrid decay of flesh, the rancid smell of burning corpses. I saw the world on fire, the fire engulfing through earth as shadows of men continue to spear, shoot and bomb one another. Trees died, the mountains collapsed, the lakes dried up. The sky was ripped, and the darkness was darker than a void.

I saw all this, with my child’s eyes, and in my adult body I was shaking with tears. I willed to stop seeing this, but I knew I must see this. My tears flowed for the sufferings and pain the people had to create and to endure. But my tears alone were not enough to express the centuries of violence and decay mankind had created.

The middle
I vomited, heaved and ached again. My body is porous, and weak. I also wanted to release from below, but I didn’t know and wasn’t sure. My skin was on fire, as were my insides, and I needed to lay down on the cool tiles of the bathroom.

My purpose

I was then communicated to by either the means of sound or thought. The definition of such means does not matter: what matters is that the information was received. It was revealed to me that the world will keep getting worse. It needs to, for true healing to begin later. It was also revealed to me that for me to be in the front line, to risk my life, to risk my being, will be a waste to the path of healing for people. Instead, I should channel my passion and drive for the goodness of mankind, to educate the younger generations the mistakes of the past. I was weeping at this point, for I didn’t want to: as I felt like if I was to do so, then such is equivalent to me being a sitting duck. Suddenly I felt scolded as if I was a child. It was revealed to me that I have to keep my music going, for music will be the medium for me to teach. It is not the sole purpose for me to teach music to the next generation, instead, it is just a tool, a doorway, for me to be considered a teacher. It was also revealed to me that this is just the first step, for I will become widely known to be more than a teacher in my later life.

I was fighting this idea, but I know I will need to reconsider my defiance later on. I wept.

The Entities
My angel of fire then spoke. He sighed. His red back was towards me, the muscles and structure of his form very magnificient. He was sitting at the bottom right corner of my vision, and he had his face away from me. He was resting, and I felt he has become lazy from the prolonged rest. I asked him to come out, he said, maybe. He said, I have found my Protector now, so now he can rest. The angel's yang is very strong, and at this moment, as my boyfriend was lying by my side and holding my hands, I considered that perhaps the angel did not want to face me as my boyfriend’s yang was also very strong. So, I asked him to step away from me for a moment, to see if my hypothesis may be true.

At this moment, the angel faced me, and I saw that his face was entirely covered by a mask. It was a scary-looking mask, but it did not scare me. It was deep blood red, with angular spikes protruding out of the forehead, cheekbones and jaws. His black eyes were the only thing I can see that’s from his face, and upon seeing them, I knew that they were the definition of darkness in our world. I thought at this point, that the Entities have a funny sense of humour, by wearing masks. The angel was trying to come towards me, but something was stopping him. He tried three times, and thrice he was blocked. With each time, I can see his face looming closer. Knowing that he cannot get closer to me, he then rested, back to the position at the bottom right corner of my vision, his back toward me.

I looked away from him, and then I saw Her. Gaia. I knew it was Gaia as I know my consciousness is mine. She was feminine, but like the angel, had both feminine and masculine chi in her being. She was petite, and standing at the centre of my vision, while the angel was still at the bottom right of my sight.

She stood by an archway of drawn drapes. There were many shades of green and purple emanating from her. Her face was masked by leopard cheeks and nose, and fine whiskers were camouflaged with the fineness of the green peacock feathers that flowed from her head and down her back and legs. Both eyes were overlapped on her forehead, to make it seem like she only had one eye, for which I assume is the third eye. The position of her eye was as if she has discarded the need of two eyes humans still depend on. Her frame was small, petite, and strong, and although I did not have a clear image of her body, her movements that accompanied her voice enabled her body to gleam iridescent swirls of green and purple.

She spoke to me, and her voice was multilayered, masculine and feminine sounds intertwined. Although she was smaller in comparison to the angel, her presence was very strong, very authoratative, confident, and somewhat stern and soft at the same time. I knew at that time that it was she who relayed the information to me earlier, and that I have been invited to meet her and the angel. I did not feel fear them, although I knew that I was very high away, away from my physical body and being.

She continued to inform me, that it is my prerogative to share my wisdom and knowledge that has been granted to me. My education, my gift and experiences is worthy to be shared. She said, my time has come. I expressed to her, that I lack the courage to do so. I was assured that I will find such courage through practice. Begin this practice, I was told, by healing my parents. They are hurting, and if I am to heal the world, it is best that I start with them first. Start at the deep end, so that I will be better equipped with the experiences of knowing how to heal the world later.

It made sense. As Confucius once said, to govern a country, it all begins with the family. The world has too many fractured families, and fractured families breed fractured hearts. Fractured hearts bore hurting souls and bodies, and as the people do not know where to release this pain, they blindly do so to each other. This is why the world is suffering, because individually, we are in pain. This pain has been created through seeds of doubt: the doubt in ourselves to heal. My purpose, I was told, is to instill strength, confidence and peace in the individual, so that each one will know how to will themselves to heal and recover, and thereby spreading this strength to the next generations to come. She also pointed out to me that as my current work is web design, use what I learn to my advantage and consider spreading my knowledge through online means. Also, she emphasised, music is a healing tool and my skill, so use it.

I was left with peace, and calmness washed over me. I also felt a pang of exhaustion, knowing my responsibility is now clearer than ever.

Loneliness
Then, I was given the vision of Loneliness. I felt my father’s pain, his rejection, his suffering and his confusion. I also felt my mother’s loneliness, her need for emotional and physical comfort. Both have drowned their sorrows in their work, and although they are teachers, they are not fully utilising their true being into their teaching as they themselves, are blocked. I am to aid their release. I also saw the loneliness the people of the world are experiencing, and this loneliness breeds suffering, creates pain, and hinders any progress of healing the world needs. I wept for the people, and again, my tears were flowing not for myself, but for the depth of how such pain can exist.

The third wave
I dry heaved again, and my body is so exhausted I could hardly stand up. I collapsed onto the bathroom floor, and this time I surprised myself in that I was lucid enough to be ready with a small cushion so that I can rest my head there. Again, my body was on fire, I know that my fire angel is there, within me.

I returned to the bed after my boyfriend cajoled me to do so. In all honesty I was so exhausted I’m surprised I could still feel my legs. They did the bidding, and I laid in the room again.

I closed my eyes, and saw the Future. I saw a lady with a shaven head, wearing something grey. She was seated cross-legged, eyes closed and with a small smile. I focused my gaze on her surroundings, and noticed that there were other people around her, doing the same. I saw another scene, where she was walking along a dusty street, smiling and touching people’s hands, and again, she was surrounded by people, people whom I knew were those who wanted to be near her presence. I had a closer look at her face, and realised that the woman was me. Then, in a flash, I also saw the same woman, with her hair down and more recognisable as my present image. I also saw that she kissed an older version of my boyfriend, whenever she had time away from attending to the needs of the people.

My boyfriend was slightly wrinkled on the face and had grey on the sides of his head. He was smiling and very happily in a golden sunlit room full of sound devices, sound devices that were invented by him to capture his aural imagination.

By this time, I felt I was beginning to awaken. I can feel that my eyes were very puffed up from the crying, and I can hardly see through them. I had pins and needles through my limbs, and my stomach was very flat, taut and utterly spent. I knew I needed food at some time, but not just yet. My vision was returning to me, slowly, but not completely. I was still seeing geometric patterns of blue, cyan, green and sometimes orange when I open my eyes. It was at that moment I realised that the patterns are likened to gateways, or the threshold to push through, to and from the rest of the experience.

I stepped out of the room and into the living room, and looked at the city scene below. I felt slightly dizzy, a little delirious, so I laid down on the couch. By this time, I was slowly returning to my body.

I began the process at 7pm, and it ended at approximately 4am. Within a span of 9 hours, I saw the Past, Present and Future, and experienced life, love, loss, pain, suffering, all of which led me to my answer.

Random visions:
My mortality:
At this point, I was given the idea that my life may not be as long as the average person in the current first world, perhaps for only another ten years. I am thirty years old now. I was not surprised to learn of this, as long before this experience I have felt that I may live to an age below the average life span of a person today.

Life force:
Throughout the latter half of my visions, a shiny, sperm-like form was weaving in and out of my focus. Its brightness was so bright, like the neon glow of tungsten amidst the darkness. Sometimes I had to shield my mind’s eye just to see its form.

I was also questioning my fertility. I was informed, I’ll have to find out.

While I was questioning how I can repay my boyfriend for his love, devotion, generosity and sincerity, I was also presented with the idea that the greatest gift I can give my boyfriend is to bear him his child before I die.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106078
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: May 23, 2019	Views: 1,059
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Syrian Rue (45), Acacia confusa (664) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3)