Citation: Tat Tvam Asi. "Buoyant Boundlessness: An Experience with Pharmahuasca (Harmala Alkaloid & DMT) (exp106135)". Erowid.org. Jan 25, 2021. erowid.org/exp/106135
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Substance: Harmala (Freebase) + Dimethyltryptamine (Freebase)
Potency: 96%+ Pure
Dosage 1: 250mg Harmala + 110mg DMT
Dosage 2: 30mg DMT
Route of Administration: Oral at first, vaporized later on.
(Mind)Set: Very positively inclined mindset, definite pre-flight anxiety. Generally a very light and funny tone.
(Physical condition) Set: The physical set was very good. I had brought my high quality earbuds which I then covered with my noise isolating headphones. This shut out any noise and made me able to focus really well on the music I was listening to. I had also prepared a good spot on the bed, which was great.
Music: Cristas icaros - Ayahuasca song 1
(Location) Setting: At friendís apartment.
Time of day: 1 p.m. to 11 p.m.
Recent drug use: Smoked DMT 1 week prior to this day.
Last meal: None initially, ate a couple of tortillas when the Harmala was wearing off.
Body weight: 74kg.
Known sensitivities: None.
History of use: Very experienced in most psychedelic compounds.
The purpose of this trip was to have my first encounter with orally ingested DMT (Pharmahuasca). For long Iíve wanted to span out the DMT experience by ingesting it orally, so that I could partake in a more personal investigation that would allow me to shed some light on various aspects of my current life situation. I had investigated the dosage ranges and was certain about the Harmala dosage of 250mgís. Concerning the DMT dosage I limited myself to a dosage range of 90-120mgís and finally decided to take 110mgís.
The time was approximately 1 p.m. when I weighed off the Harmala and downed it with a glass of apple juice. The taste very much resembled bitter puke Ė There really doesnít seem to be any other way to put it. Within 30 minutes I was definitely feeling something which I described to my friend as being a very faint hazy filter across my eyes, as well as feelings of an ever so slight stuttering in my visual field. Another 10-15 minutes passed and I had the need to get up in order to take a piss. As soon as I entered the bathroom and turned on the light, I felt a very definite sense of being under the influence of something. The feeling was very peculiar, as if my body was slowly becoming heavier and my perceptions were being altered in a very real manner. These effects were by no means any sort of revelation to me, but they seemed to be very distinct from anything Iíve experienced on other substances. I had also started to experience some slight alterations in my thought processes, as they became increasingly more analytical and clear.
When I hit the 55 minute mark after ingesting the Harmala, I proceeded to drink the DMT in a glass of apple juice as I did earlier. In regards to the taste, I really didnít seem to taste much except for the juice itself. I could identify that it was DMT, as the taste had a very slight resemblance to the smell of the compound.
Almost immediately after drinking the DMT, I felt like something pushed me deeper into the experience. Within 10 minutes of ingestion my stomach began twisting and turning, which was accompanied by a very distinct texture alteration in my saliva. This is the clear indications of nausea that foretell the inevitable outcome Ė I had to get to the toilet and puke. At first I found myself to be in a lucky situation, as only a tiny bit of juice ended up in the toilet, but 5 minutes later I once again had to brace myself for what was coming. This time, however, I puked my guts out and it left me with an incredibly painful acidic burn in my throat. I realized at this point that I had probably failed my first attempt at Pharmahuasca, but I didnít feel like redosing yet another ~100mgís just to throw up once again. Instead, I decided to just enjoy my first higher dose Harmala experience and see what it had to offer.
As the Harmala was slowly coming on, I started to notice that my body had now gotten extremely heavy, along with an accompanying feeling of physical tiredness. Despite this seemingly heavy body load, I did feel more mentally clear than I have for months. I had a great memory recollection and I generally found that I was definitely more quick witted than usually. As I was watching my friend play League of Legends on the television monitor, I got the feeling that as I was watching the television on the wall, I was also watching the television that was my entire vision. In other words, the life before my eyes unfolded like a movie or a theatrical play starring me as the protagonist. This feeling was very revelatory and freeing, as I was no longer bound by all the constraints that I usually set up for myself in my day-to-day life. Apart from this unconstrained observing awareness of lifeís unfoldment, I had also gained a deeply analytical aspect to my through processes. As I was watching the game, I wasnít really paying attention to the actual gaming experience, Instead, I was busy analysing the mechanics and what underlying programming went into making those mechanics possible. It was quite amusing to delve into the fundamental functioning of the game without actually being occupied with what occurred on the surface.
After I while I got tired of staring at the game and decided to just lay back in the bed with closed eyelids. I couldíve sworn I heard the sounds of some goblin creatures talking in my head. They became more noticeable the more I focused on this innerverse experience, but I honestly didnít feel the push in order to delve deeper into these sensations at the moment. Instead, I felt an intuitive sense that I had to explore and resolve some more personal matters. Therefore, I spent the next hour delving into past memories, such as social issues and controversies regarding my family. Apart from these recent upcomings, I also spent a great deal of time resolving some personal questions that I had in regards to direct experience, meditation and the nature of knowing. I felt very positive and accomplished after I had sorted through these matters.
What I generally noted from the Harmala experience was that I got strong sensations tied to the feeling of embracing the present moment. In other words, I truly connected with the feeling of observing every moment unfold by itself. This isnít by any means a new or revelatory experience in any regard, but it was very reassuring and actually slightly surprising that it would be induced through the use of Harmala alone. This sensation of flanging generally gave my entire experience a very fresh, spontaneous and light feeling. It was very much like drifting through life without any resistance, simply going fully with all the arisings and dissipations that appeared and disappeared in my awareness.
A couple of hours had passed at this point and I was definitely feeling the comedown, so I decided it would be a reasonable decision to vaporize some DMT. I loaded 2 baskets in my vaporizer, which would probably equate to around 30mgís in total. I took it all in 2 huge lungfuls and held my breath for 30 seconds each time. By the first hit I instantly felt everything in the room, including myself, turning into a dense liquid substance. I noticed that the walls and the curtains were covered in fractals that formed from the shadows and wrinkles that made up the textures. The air became really heavy and I felt like a pressure was put on my lungs in order to breathe normally. These are all the regular effects from the immediate DMT onset, as well as the very recognizable rising pitch in the centre of my head. As I took the second hit and lied back, I almost immediately forgot about the fact that I was holding in any vapour, as all of my attention was drawn to the infinitely vast fractal membrane gate that I'm always brought to before entering Hyperspace. After a while I remember that I need to exhale, and as I'm doing so, a very powerful and discernible DMT euphoria floods my entire body, like a large tidal wave covering the beach and smashing against the rock dunes that separate the street from the beach. A symbolic figure that Iíve encountered on 4 occasions thus far seemed to push against the membrane from the opposite side of it. The symbolic figure very much resembles the slim Buddha figurines sitting in the full lotus position with the cosmic hand mudra. As this symbolic appearance gets close enough to me, the membrane simply pops like a bubble being penetrated by a needle.
I then found myself in the presence of 3 entities that seemingly appeared to be recognizable from previous experiences, but this can in no way be assured. Firstly we were in a very Hyperspatial room where everything was made up of self-transforming fractal machinery, but shortly after it shifted to a setting that appeared to be very human in nature. Itís really difficult to quantify in words, but it definitely didnít contain much fractal machinery as many other Hyperspace places Iíve been to. Everything was completely white and it was definitely indoors. I could see something that I imagine to be windows of sorts Ė and outside there were definitely a lot of fractalish plant life in swaying colourations. The room itself resembled a large cafeteria, due to the arrangement of chairs, tables and couches. Although it had this somewhat pleasantly relaxing interior setting, the entire place felt very plastic-y and had a general feeling of being super sterile, like the cleanest hospital you could ever begin to imagine. It should probably also be noted that the room and entities themselves appeared more real, tangible and even physical than the computer and desk that Iím writing on in this very moment.
I spent a really long time in this room with the 3 entities, but I would not really be able to quantify how long exactly, due to the immense dilation that was put on time perception itself. What they showed me was incredibly beautiful and almost beyond belief. They spent most of their time in a sort of semi-weightless state, as if gravity had little impact on them. So in this manner, they appeared to be the most skilled acrobats, as they were so incredibly light on their fingers and toes. They showed me at one point that if I cantered my focus and attention on every single moment, rather than processing an array of moments in order to make sense of them, I could literally slow down the time by my will. Normally, the entities move so rapidly fast that itís hard to make out whatís really going on except some fast paced action, but with this newly acquired knowledge, I could slow everything down to the point of almost stopping completely.
The way in which they handed me this informational knowledge, was through their actions themselves. At one point, one of the entities manifested a mug on the table containing some purely black liquid. It was then thrown into the air and time was slowed down to such a rate, that the liquid actually turned into a solid that was now completely stuck in empty space. If youíve seen liquid being released in a zero gravitational environment, as seen on space stations, you might get an idea of what this looked like. As the time was slowly readjusted, the blob once again came into motion and fell to the ground. Witnessing this event was nothing less than magical and miraculous. In order to make their point even more clear, one of the entities jumped off a table and slowed the time perception to such a degree that it was almost literally flying or gliding across the room in slow motion - Marvellous! The only other thing I recall happening in this environment was some playful activities revolving around this superbly interesting control over the perception of time. Mostly, however, I simply observed how the entities were fooling around and trying to get a grasp of the various things they tried to show me. I couldíve been in this room for anywhere between 3 hours to a couple of years. Determining the linear time intervals of experiences like these appears to be almost impossible, due to the lack of relevancy that oneís usual perception of time truly is.
After a while I then found myself in another room, except this one very much resembled the geometric fractal places that Iíve visited several times now. The entire room was full of entities and they were performing the most extraordinary things that were completely beyond imagination. I got the sense that they were trying to be as completely unique and creative as they possibly could in every single moment. It very much correlates to a concept or notion that Iíve noticed on various psychedelic substances so far. The best way to describe it is through a short poem that Iíve written:
You are the film-maker, the painter and the sculptor.
You create forms of the formless.
Manifesting Yourself in every moment.
Expressing the all-pervasive being that is.
Imprinting You into the movie strip that is life.
Moment Ė By moment Ė By moment.
In other words, the meaning of life is to be original, genuine and spontaneous at any one moment. Or I could simply say that the meaning of it all is to acknowledge that one can never be anything but original, genuine and spontaneous. In this way, the entities were simply a truthful expression of this concept.
The one thing that was most prominent during this experience was when one of the entities cornered me in the only corner that the room contained! It kept walking closer and closer to me, until I was squished up against the wall. One would've expected this to be a bad experience, but it was in fact nothing less than purely euphoric. The entity felt incredibly soft and mushy, like a big marshmallow. So it was actually really funny and delightful to be fully embedded into the soft tissue of this being. Once I was completely squished, the entity started melting on me like ice cream in a sauna! The feeling was indescribable and surreal, but I can assure you it was amazing.
A lot of things happened after this experience, but my memory seems to completely neglect anything that occurred in the immediate moments after being in this room. The next thing I do remember is that Iím in a room at the size of a Rubikís cube. This was truly the peak of the entire trip, as it was at this moment that I lost all my layers of humanity. I was literally being stripped like an onion being peeled to the core. This was most definitely the most intense experience Iíve ever undergone so far. I feel disgraceful for even attempting to contain an experience of this calibre in puny words. It was beyond anything and everything that could ever be grasped or held. I have written yet another poem that fits into this experience perfectly:
Beyond words, concepts and ideas.
This singular experience resides.
Found within every moment,
unbound by the constraints of time,
a space within space itself.
The only other way I can articulate this experience, is through the concept of ego death. I simply existed as what I am, nothing else. Contrary to a former ego death experience on LSD, what I encountered during this experience was nothing less than pure bliss and love. And even so, these terms donít even seem great enough to describe this indescribably wondrous experience. I literally existed and have always existed as this spacious awareness for eternity. Thereís no other way to put it. I really wish I had the ability to further articulate this experience and comment on the visions that I saw, but it is simply impossible to go into details about anything regarding what I went through. One thing I can note, however, is that the visions were as bright as a 1000 suns. Although this was the case, Iíve never seen so clearly in my entire existence. In fact, there was nothing else than pure seeing and observation itself. No thinking, no feeling, no thing at all. Just THIS
Everyone has heard the notion that death is supposedly an illusion, but now I know with absolute certainty that there is no such thing. There is no way I can convey this realization to anybody, but it is definitely a knowing that I donít think can ever be surpassed by anything.
After I had resided in this everlasting and eternal space of myself for what seemed like infinity, I started to regain bits of my humanity and eventually identity as well. I then found myself in the presence of some entities that Iíve definitely met before, as they gave me a communication bubble in my hands, which I could use to convey telepathic thoughts to them. This is an experience that Iíve only encountered when Iíve been interacting with entities on Salvia, so it was really interesting to experience it on DMT as well. Iíve covered what goes into this interactive experience on former reports, but if I were to quickly cover it again, Iíd say that it feels like I get some peculiar feeling emanating from my hands. It is as if my thought processes can be manifested through the use of hand gestures that are synchronized to the pace of thinking. In this way, it is possible to convey messages back and forth between these entities in a clearer and more direct manner. The physical feeling that accompanies this experience is very similar to having your hands in dense jello. Although I was in this open space with the entities where communication was freely available, I didnít have anything to ask or converse about. And by this, the experience slowly began to fade away.
I left the experience feeling like I had been completely reconstructed as a new human being; call it reborn if you will. As mentioned previously, this was by far the most intensely world shattering experience Iíve ever undergone. Thereby, it naturally has made a significant impact on me afterwards. Although I only went through some personal matters in regards to the Harmala experience alone, I did get some deeper insight into the nature of myself and reality through DMT, which truly is invaluable. A couple of hours after this experience, I decided to vaporize a dosage equivalent to about 20mgís of DMT. However, I will not cover that experience in this report, due to the lack of anything significant taking place in conjunction with the fact that I canít recollect most of the things that did in fact take place. Iíll just assure you of one thing - Hyperspace is a truly magical place beyond human comprehension, so treat the experience with the respect and honesty that it deserves.
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