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How Perfect to Exist
by Rose
Citation:   Rose. "How Perfect to Exist: An Experience with MDMA (exp106462)". Erowid.org. Jun 13, 2020. erowid.org/exp/106462

T+ 0:00
125 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:30 125-150 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:30 1 bump insufflated MDMA (powder / crystals)


To start off I should probably give some background info and drug history: I am a healthy 20 year old male who stays active and eats fairly well. I have experience with Alcohol, Marijuana, DXM, Mephedrone, Benzos and some legal high stimulants (MPA & EPH) - I do not use drugs often but over the past year my curiosity has peaked.

Pre exp: A friend of mine who was in university had told me about a friend of his who sold MDMA, I was never really interested in trying it due to a bad experience with Mephedrone that left me with severe anxiety for months on end. I had been experimenting with legal stimulants for a few months but with very weak effects and my curiosity getting the better of me, I gave in and asked my friend to hook me up. When I arrived home with the bag of brownish/tan crystals, I showed it to my wife and we began to research some more about disage/safety tips etc. (I should point out that my wife only smokes marijuana and has no prior drug experience and very little alcohol use. I feel comfortable saying this was our first 'hard' drug.)

The exp: After an allergy test and waiting an hour with no ill effects, I cut the gram into 4 piles then cut 2 piles in half again. I made a small glass <10ml of water for both of us, mixed in the powder and we both drank down the water. I didn't find the taste unpleasant but I did notice a chemical taste, similar to when a Ibruprofen dissolves in your mouth.

I will now go on to time based writing to continue the experience

00. We drank down the liquid and go into our bedroom to prepare ourselves for the unknown.

+25 I notice a slight feeling of being pulled down, it is quite nice but not exactly what I was expecting so me and my wife decided to go for a walk on the fields behind us. I begin to feel sober.

+60 We are back home and lying on the bed, I feel tired and explain to my wife that I feel we should be doing something but I don't know what, my wife agrees that this is quickly becoming very boring.

+90 I decided to take some more in the hope that I haven't been hustled. I pour out a pile slightly larger than the 1st dose and mix with warm water before drinking it down. I decided to snort a small bump just to see if it would make a difference.

I walk upstairs to ny bedroom and put on a psychedelic light show with Southern Sun by Paul Oakenfold playing on full volume. I don't remember the exact moment it hit me but as soon as I stood up from putting on the lightshow I was HIGH! My wife had been downstairs having her second dose and when she came into the room I instantly started kissing her neck. She commented on how large my pupils were and how obvious it was that I was now truly feeling the effects.

+? I lost track of time after it had kicked in because suddenly time wasn't important, what was important was dancing and talking with the love of my life. Words were leaving my mouth before I had a chance to even think of them 'I love you so much' 'We are so perfect together' 'Lets not worry, lets just live' all came out of both of our mouths before they could even be processed. I was moving at 100mph, talking, moving dancing, smoking it was all just so fast. It reminded me of my experience with mephedrone but unlike meph, this didn't feel jagged or rough, it all just flowed smoothly like bouncing along on the sweet vocals of Southern Sun.

We spoke about all the things we needed to talk about but couldn't find the words to say, issues from the past and hopes for the future all came up but we were able to look at it all as outsiders and by doing so bring closure to old wounds. I was aware that I couldn't see straight and every time I tried to the room (actually my one eye) would shake and even though it was intense, it wasn't scary, in fact I think the only time I experienced anxiety was halfway through the come-up but it quickly melted away.

Smoking tobacco was very pleasurable and both me and my wife chain smoked throughout the night which was very out of the norm for us.

I noticed towards the end of the trip thing became a little more psychedelic, my cigarettes appeared tiny and sometimes body parts (arms, legs etc.) looked disconnected from the joint. I'm not sure exactly when we came down but it was roughly 3am and after 8 hours of almost constant talking, dancing and smoking. I managed to fall asleep at about 4am for a few hours.

The next day: I woke up feeling ok, my stomach and head hurt, I felt sick and severely dehydrated but nothing worse than a bad alcohol hangover. Me and my wife had a small breakfast and spent the day resting. I could feel my emotions were much more pronounced than usual (I cried over a documentary about a boy with brain damage).

Notes: For a few days after I had some lingering anxiety when I thought back to how intense it was but this soon passed and I was able to see the beauty in the experience. I now feel much less anxiety than I had before taking MDMA
I now feel much less anxiety than I had before taking MDMA
and it has helped me overcome so many issues I was afraid to face. I believe my anxiety was caused by PTSD and that MDMA has helped to heal my brain by taking away the negative emotions I would constantly feel and showing me that there is so much more beauty and happiness to focus on in my life. My wife who also suffers from anxiety agrees that this drug has helped us move on into a very positive and happy future.

I don't plan on doing MDMA or any drugs again for many years because I finally got what I wanted from them.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 106462
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Jun 13, 2020Views: 542
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MDMA (3) : Hangover / Days After (46), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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