Citation: Persistent. "Lifelong Dissociative Freak: An Experience with PCP, Ketamine & DXM (exp10663)". Erowid.org. Jul 16, 2003. erowid.org/exp/10663
I feel I should drop a brief line on dissociatives. My first experiences with dissociatives were with tobacco cigarettes dipped in large amounts of PCP (estimated 100-150 mg per cigarette.) My friends and I were smoking fully anaesthetic 'P-hole' ;) doses of PCP daily for a few weeks. I would smoke small doses at work and found that it considerably enhanced my performance, especially my short-term memory. At night we would rocket into the void, spending millenia in the worlds of the imagination. It was truly indescribable and I really wont even try, but let me say that anything seemed possible, indeed was, we could travel bodyless to countless times, places, dimensions.
I never noticed the least side effect and felt wonderfull for weeks after stopping when I moved to the Carribean. I was actually stiil quite high for maybe 4 weeks after discontinuation. After this I was obsessed with dissociatives for years, but they remained unavailable until a friend showed up with some Ketamine some 3-4 years later. I snorted 200 mg and had a mild dissaciative experience, just a tease really, and tease me it did. I WANT MORE! A week later the same friend gave me another 200 mg line at a rave when I was already rolling. Fairly good high, but not enough.
A week later the same friend and I bought several grams of chemical supply house Ketamine and I snorted it from morning till night, even doing 100mg rails at work, for a couple of weeks. I started slipping into the worst addiction of my life, and that's saying alot considering that i have been very addicted to heroin, methamphetamine, opium, benzos and alcohol at various times, and when I say addicted, I mean ADDICTED. This was far more addictive than any of those substances, mentally at least. Nothing mattered but K. At this time I got involved in a bad relationship with an abusive woman who made my life hell for 2 years, and I know I never would have gotten into that situation if I had not been so fucked up. Eventually my K supply dried up and I really felt like I was dead. I quit my jobs and became very depressed and suicidal. I developed a belief that death would be just like the K-hole and became obssessed with the idea of killing myself just to get high. Extremely bizarre, huh?
I became a weekly user of DXM, it didn't compare to K or PCP but it did the trick. Between DXM days I would just sit around and dream of having some K. I never stopped looking but luckily never found any. On my last DXM journey I was flying through a labyrinth of caves when I suddenly met a cyclops entity that told me in no uncertain terms to STOP! this madness and then he kicked me right out of my dissociative state. I snapped instantly back into this world with a very differnt view. Over the next 2 years I struggled to make the doomed relationship I had begun on K work and failed, but I got really into plant teachers like harmala, trichocereus, mushrooms, and yopo. With their help I was able to come around to a much healthier state.
Recently I was able to get some more K and use it with some moderation, and had an important experience in which I was looking at this fascinating world full of awe-inspiring beauty from inside the K-hole, and wanted more than anything to get back to my body and my world, a feeling I had never felt before. I had finally developed a healthier attitude towards dissociatives, and now respectfully treat them as what they are - incredibly powerful tools that are far too dangerous for the inexperienced (think chemical chainsaw.) I am afraid to think what could have happened if I had not had so much practice withdrawing from a variety of addictive substances.
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