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Old Feelings Revisited
MDMA & Cannabis
by c s
Citation:   c s. "Old Feelings Revisited: An Experience with MDMA & Cannabis (exp106635)". Erowid.org. Apr 25, 2020. erowid.org/exp/106635

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
  repeated smoked Cannabis
  T+ 0:00 170 mg oral MDMA
  T+ 0:40 1 cig. smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes
BODY WEIGHT: 114 lb
A friend of mine tells me a few days ago that he wants to try MDMA for the first time with a few other friends and I'm happy to get involved. I spend a few conversations trying to describe to them the feeling that's involved but I generally fail, as I'm partially working off of old memories and to be honest, that shit's indescribable.

My friends are fairly level-headed, if not a bit hedonistic individuals so they have a healthy amount of knowledge on the effects so we're all going in fairly educated. I'm not particularly worried about anything bad happening, just prepared for shit to get a bit weird.

Fast-forward to the night. My friends (X, D and P) are semi-regular weed smokers (X is newer to it, myself and D are previously daily smokers and P's generally along for the ride whenever) so all of us except P are somewhat stoned before we get to D's.

We start bombing our shit (it's straight crystal so I'm hoping it's good shit) around 22:00. X decides to go right in and take 250mg, despite my warnings and advice, so I know immediately the night's going to be interesting. D takes 100mg and P takes ~40-50mg (scales weren't as responsive at below 70mg values). I decide to take 170mg since I've done it before and wanted to see what a stronger dose felt like, plus the fact it was a chill environment with friends made it safer to 'experiment' since the only environment I've done it in is a club/rave one.

I kinda fuckup my bomb by drinking water to wash it down me rather than drinking water after swallowing, combined with the fact that I don't think it was twisted right meant I had the bitter taste greet me hard. I eventually got it down me but hey, I was kinda nervous about the whole thing anyway and I was stoned. Gonna give myself a break on that one.

Around 22:40, I went outside to have a cigarette. I was feeling kinda nauseous and decided some nicotine was the way forward. About two drags in, I feel it. That sudden rushing expansion of my mind, the feeling of touch becoming more and more beautiful, my sight blurring and refocusing, the taste and sensation of the smoke amplifying, the sound of the wind blowing and my friend in the background going 'FUUUUUUCK' but in a good way. This comeup greeted me like an old friend and I wondered how I could possibly be nervous about this.

The very first thing I noticed about this state was the absolute unfamiliarity of my reaction to my internal monologue.
The very first thing I noticed about this state was the absolute unfamiliarity of my reaction to my internal monologue.
What I mean by this is I was entirely truthful to myself, or at least I believed the things I was saying to myself. I was comfortable in my own skin and all of my assurances to myself that I wasn't going to chase this feeling, that I was going to ride it and accept it was temporary were fully believed. I used to just describe this as 'feeling normal' but it isn't really. It's a massive amplification of what it feels to be comfortable, but it isn't normality.

Regardless, I went back inside and felt a bit ill. I knew I was going to puke so I ran to the toilet and pretty much purged myself. It wasn't stressful since I'm fairly used to it (I never puked on MDMA before but I'm more experienced with 6-APB and MXE, both of which I've puked on multiple times) so I just remembered how to handle it. It felt amazing to wash the shit out of my mouth and nose and to swish mouthwash so there was no complaints here. I made sure I was on point and went back to my friends.

It's around 23:00 and they're starting to feel it. X is really fucking high as he's breaking the bucket we gave him and scratching his skin to the point of bruising (but not cutting). We eventually get him to stop these shenanigans as we all probably mentally note that we're probably in for a hell of a night.

There's a lot of talking, touching and cuddling that goes on but X is very sweaty at this point, so myself and P are making sure he's hydrated by making him drink water when we do. X is absolutely overwhelmed by the feeling and tries to convince us to get to his 'level' (which D eventually does).

I remember being very apologetic and at the same time reassuring at this point. I have Aspergers
I have Aspergers
so I suppose I'm not processing the mad empathy in the same way the others are, but X described me as a soundboard and kept trying to get me to say my key phrases (with great sucess I might add, until I realized). These were 'sorry' and 'its fine'. I can't remember anything else when it came to this but I felt fine about it, I just remembered how much he'd taken and that it was his first time so it was best to cater to whatever would give him satisfaction at the time.

It reaches around midnight and my memory of times correllating to events is getting a bit blurry. I'm definitely still feeling it as I approach the peak, and making sure I stay on point by using my smoke breaks to get productive shit done(refill water bottles, get cups of oj sorted for my friends and remembering about the gum I brought beforehand). That and the sensation of smoking is still amazing at this point and a bit of alone time helps me process how I am at each point.

During this part of the night there's a lot of interpersonal bonding, the details of which I won't go into. Needless to say, we'd felt as if we'd progressed as friends, considering we'd met via videogames on the internet, it was a huge thing for us. Connecting in this way allowed us to share in the truest way that we hadn't in a while, and while a lot of what was said was cause for concern, the honesty of it all was just unfamiliar to us. P's sittin there like 'girls do this shit all the time this ain't nothing new'.

Somewhere between midnight and 1am I'd hit my peak and was really feeling it. Everything I'd described in the comeup was amplifiied even further and I kept grounding myself with the notion that this was temporary. At this point I'd signalled to D that it was blunt rolling time and he agreed. P was against mixing on her first try, which was perfectly valid and X was in no position to handle a burning object(he was lucid and not breaking things anymore but he was still ridiculously high for his first time, plus he was self-aware enough to know he didn't want to risk dulling what he was feeling) so I rolled a fairly sloppy, but a basically competent blunt and we eventually smoked that shit.

As with all things, smoking the blunt felt even greater. The 'stoned' feel did not take the edge off of the 'rolling' feel but only served to help ground me. What I mean was that I was less distracted by things, so keeping track of my personal hydration and a general (but not overly protective) eye on everyone else's was possible. I was still peaking hard but I was also able to choose to dwell in the roll or just feel it while doing other things.

Around 2am P's a bit annoyed that she's not feeling it much. D decides to redose himself and P gets involved. I try to gum some but end up dry heaving at the taste, and since I want to be asleep around 5-6 (I hadn't slept since the previous day at 10am, so I was awake for 36+ hours at this point) I decided not to redose. X is asking for a redose as well, but at this point we're all being unwise and eyeballing our shit and despite multiple warnings about this, I reluctantly make a bomb that was around 50-80mg for X. I'm not sure how much D and P had but since I know D's always got a base level of lucidity no matter how high he decides to get, I don't question him(plus P's a fairly responsible person too).

Leading up to 3am and D's started to feel the roll in a similar way to how X was feeling it, he certainly displayed the heavy sweating that X did. I'm still feeling it but I know it's beginning to fade so I'm still doing my thing where I smoke weed to ease to comedown and it's good. P begins to truly feel it (I'm not sure if she didn't know what it was like on lower doses but she's definitely feeling it properly now) and eventually understands that it comes in waves, which I'd forgotten mention. There's a lot of talk about the eye-moving stuff which is fairly cool and X goes into a deep conversation about his determinist worldview. I mention that I don't agree with it but the conclusions he comes to as a result are fairly agreeable so I decide not to press it. Neither of us are in a state for philosophical discussion and he's ridiculously high still so I just listen.

In the period between 3:30-5am the night winds down heavily. X has massive tension in his muscles and can't move some of his limbs so we help him out and make sure he's comfortable. D and P I think were re-peaking as a result of their re-dose, but I don't know. All I know is I was still winding down slowly, smoking weed to help dull my mind while noting that the best has passed, I still felt amazing. We eventually retire to bed, D and P take X upstairs and I crash on his sofa after we've shared a joint to knock us both out.

The next day wasn't too bad, some jaw tension and a slight recognisable 'comedown' feeling but I smoked joints to put me to sleep throughout the day until I finally decided to properly sleep at a determined time, and I knocked myself out with a blunt.

One thing that I feel that I haven't before in the days after a dose is a slight afterglow. Usually I have this constant crushing feeling in my chest, like I'm always holding my breath ever so slightly but it's subsided greatly.
Usually I have this constant crushing feeling in my chest, like I'm always holding my breath ever so slightly but it's subsided greatly.
I only feel it occasionally now when thinking negative thoughts and I've found it easier to think positively. Internalizing ideas about myself that aren't self-destructive isn't as alien as it once was to me and I don't get why.

I guess it comes down to what I wrote on my phone when I came up:

'It is unfamiliar to be truthful with myself. This is temporary, but something comparable is within my reach.'

Post-experience note: I'd forgotten to mention, I make weird faces when I'm stimulated. My eyebrows go up and down and my mouth moves weirdly, which was a source of humour for my friends throughout the experience.

Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 106635
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Apr 25, 2020Views: 617
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MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), General (1), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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