DOSE:

50 mg

vaporized

DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Some history - extreme social anxiety and depression. Nearly no speech for four years straight. Now, only when necessary do I talk, and the body pours sweat when it happens around most people, tho it is getting much better.

I am sitting in my bedroom on a red tatami with my only friend in world - M. (she is 14 years old). I use the fullproof method from the most popular youtube video with the guy with decent vocab. I use an old hawaiian punch jumbo bottle (cuz I liked the cover graphic and told myself it might be ok to live in that world forever then later realized it would be horrifying) with aluminum foil and a butane lighter. The DMT is like bright yellow tiny crumbs and very potent as I had tried a small bit previously as a test.

I close my eyes and internally recite a memorized zen prayer called 'The Sandokai' which roughly translates to 'a sweet meeting between the many and the one.' I light the foil and the bottle fills with vapor. I inhale all the vapor, hold it in, and recline fully back onto the mat. Immediately it feels as though the floor gives out like I am sinking in thick liquid. The boundaries of my body dissolve, and the room opens into a space where an immeasurably tall fractal buddha made of nested iterated multicolored lines of reds purples yellows oranges greens and blues appears before me, and is attempting to pull me into its heart. At this point, something in my chest and neck, my trachea and my esophagus mostly, spasms hard, up toward the ceiling, and it feels as tho both organs are attempting to exit my chest cavity. At this point, it felt as tho I could have surrendered fully to the experience, however, just as that opportunity seemed to present itself, my neighbors upstairs (female) begin stomping loudly on the ceiling, even tho my friend and I have been silent like mice the whole time, they could feel something that disturbed them. I am frightened by the sound, and it brings me back into this reality of the everyday world, and my esophagus and trachea and neck are still in spasm mode. M. Is a very brave human being, and she is calm, tho slightly concerned, and holding my hand gently; I remember thinking/feeling that I am very happy she is alive and here with me, as she is one of the kindest people I have ever known. I tell her that I was like a balloon and that my neighbors were holding the cord, and wouldn't let go. I tell her I can feel them suffering, and that I want to save them. She tells me I cannot save them. She says that maybe the reason I'm so quiet is that there is something in my chest that needs to get out.

[Reported Dose: "50 mg"]

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 107248
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: Sep 8, 2019	Views: 728
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DMT (18) : Depression (15), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)