Citation: nectarpuke. "A Hard Lesson: An Experience with Anadenanthera peregrina (exp107284)". Erowid.org. Apr 3, 2019. erowid.org/exp/107284
My experience cannot start without my back story... My reasoning for using yopo as a healing medicine. I had met my first love when we were 11 years old. We were young, curious about each other's bodies, and inseparable. When we were 15, her mother had enlisted in the navy and her family had moved across the country. Shortly after, my love had taken 'the girl route'; abstaining from guys all together, becoming a lesbian. A recent chain of events has reunited us, after 15 years of seperation. And we very quickly rekindled our love. We spent a weekend camping, fishing, and having sex. But it is not enough... I want more. The problem is, she is married to another woman. Doubt and fear have been lingering in my head. Scared that I may never have a real future with this woman. So I turned to altered states of mind to find peace.
First I went with nn-DMT looking for insight, but found none, just a drug induced euphoria for that evening. I am versed in suspending myself in the stage between awake and asleep. The most natural and powerful hallucinogetic state of mind I have ever experienced. Neither of which was working... Love is a powerful drug. I wanted for my mind to break.
Love is a powerful drug. I wanted for my mind to break.
My yopo seeds came in the mail yesterday. So I immediatly prepared them upon opening the package. I took 4 seeds and placed them on the stove at medium heat until they all popped. I deshelled them and powderized them to a very fine consitancy using two stainless steel blocks. The powdered seeds weighed .456 grams, so I weighed out .152 grams (3:1) of pickling lime and mixed them together before adding a few drops of water. I mixed thoroughly in a small skillet with a razor blade over med-low heat until I had a fine dry powder. During the whole process, I projected 'do your best' thoughts to the seeds. I finished the preparation stage with a cigar, and a silent mind.
T+0:00 I sat on the floor next to my bed and turned on Opeth's 'Still Life' because it strikes a personal chord with me given my current situation. I rolled up a dollar bill and scraped my heaping pile of yopo into one thick line. Took a deep breath and said, 'here we go.' I insufflated the entire dose in one go. Instantly, my eyes were watering, my nose was running, and I could not stop salivating. To my surprise, there was no burn from the lime, just a discomfurt from putting so much material up my nose at once. I leaned forward to let the slobber roll out of my mouth, so not to swallow, and to let my nose run into a paper towel to prevent a nasty drip. The discomfurt subsided and I sat back and waited.
T+0:05 The effects started as a warm tingle in the back of my neck, followed by sedation, and the different, but familiar tryptamine body load. Mild color enhancement shortly followed. I had figured there would be no need for the music as I probably wouldn't hear it anyways once the trip had started, so I shut the stereo off. I then l leaned over my bed, feeling very tired at this point, and began to see bright streamers shooting all about my vision. I glanced about the room noting similarities akin to mushrooms and nn-DMT, but more chaotic... There was less morphing and churning of things like my faux wood wall panels, or my checkered blanket. I knew this was just the beginning, and it was starting to pick up the pace. I decided to lay down and wait for it.
The next ten minutes seemed to drag on. My nose was stuffy and the visuals, both open eye and closed were so chaotic they couldn't grab my attention. I would see a young girl with blonde hair flash into my line of sight as clear as day... But when I would try to focus, she was gone. I closed my eyes feeling quite tired and didn't focus on anything. Seeing without observing, as you will. I saw bright blue and green eyes, all lined up to form one singular eye. The visuals however, could not hold my attention. I found them boring. There was no emotional attachment involved, it was strictly visionary, and it seemed like my trip had plateaued. Feeling disappointed that this wouldn't be all that I was hoping for, I looked at my clock and noticed only 15 minutes had gone by. I asked aloud if this was it... If I was peaking and it wasn't as reality crushing as I had wanted. Then I felt a 'shake', a quick and sudden jolt as if the yopo had just shifted gears.
T+0:25 Still laying in bed, not nearly as tired anymore, but rather bored, I decided to get up and blow my nose. The moment I moved, the nausea kicked in. I acknowledged it, but it was managable, and proceeded to blow my nose. I had prepared by not eating for the last 5 hours, knowing from research, the purge was imminent. So leaned over the trash can I had set aside, and waited... Then it came. Purge number one. I felt slighty better and figured I would walk about the apartment and explore this new shift in reality. Everything was dancing, breathing, interacting... And it had all turned to a glowing orange hue.
T+0:35 Feeling sick again, I decided to go lay back down and not notice the nausea that was progressively getting worse. The moment I was horizontal, I felt the second purge coming fast and hard. I rolled out of bed and braced for the dry heaving. So much pain as if my guts were in the tightest knot a veteran sailor could tie. I began to drool over the trash can, and the dry heaves followed swiftly. This is where I peaked. The white trash can turned into a bright purple, and looked like an endless pit where vomit goes to disappear. I looked over at my arm, and noticed that not only was it not where it belongs, but I could see through it. It had turned into a transparent orange and appeared to be roughly a foot ahead of where I know it should be. It felt as if it was disconnected and placed at a strange angle not humanly possible. My legs felt the same. I couldn't help but smile. I moved around in complete fascination my this sudden shift in reality forgetting how sick I just was. I stumbled my way to the bathroom to look in the mirror and seen that I had developed orange reptile scales all over my face. I was in complete awe of everything. I walked back into my room thanking the yopo for being so outlandish and fascinating.
T+0:40 The nausea returns with a vengence. At this point I am euphoric and giddy. Rolling on the floor like a cat in catnip.
I am euphoric and giddy. Rolling on the floor like a cat in catnip.
When it hits, I shoot up to the garbage can and gave it one great big dry heave. I asked the yopo if that it is all it has got, challenging it to do its worse. Then more dry heaves... I continue to egg it on until it finally knocks me into submission. I am running a fever at this point and feel like laying in bed would be the best option. And so it was. I was laying there freezing. The morphing of the room and the visuals had all taken on a purplish, multidimensional form. I closed my eyes and began to realize that I very well could die here. The fever could be the end of me. I knew the altered state of mind was temporary, but the sickness could be lethal. A week ago, my love had told me she may be pregnant. So I told the universe that if I were to die, let her be pregnant, and she and her wife could raise the child she deserves. At that moment I came to peace with the happiness she has in her life, even though I may not ever be included. I knew then that I love and trust her enough to make the decision best suited for her, and I would accept it.
T+1:00 Nausea is still present at about half force. The visuals have just turned into a pleasant orange hue. No more dancing, or multidimensional distortions. I am seriously craving tobacco, but I am afraid it will make me ill. I tough it out and reflect on my experience with a cigar. The rest of the comedown was a gentle easing back into reality for next 45 minutes.
I would say yopo did the job I asked it to do. It provided me with valuable insight about my current situation; and it did so by trying to break me. I don't think it did entirely like my first nn-DMT experience, but it was a cold hearted medicine that punched me in the gut and told me how it is.
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