Spiral Erowid Zip Hoodie
This black mid-weight zip hoodie (80/20) has front pockets,
an Erowid logo on front chest, and a spiral design on back.
Donate and receive yours!
Psychosis and Panic
LSD & Mirtazapine
Citation:   anonymous. "Psychosis and Panic: An Experience with LSD & Mirtazapine (exp107347)". Erowid.org. Jan 13, 2020. erowid.org/exp/107347

15 mg oral Pharms - Mirtazapine (daily)
  4 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
    inhaled Nitrous Oxide  
I had tripped numerous times before, at doses ranging from 50 to 200 ug. I was in love with acid, taking it about every three to twelve weeks. My experiences were almost completely positive and life-affirming. After the initial weirdness of coming down I had always felt more integrated in life, more motivated and curious to learn and interact with people.

About two weeks before the event I had started taking 15 mg of mirtazapine daily.
About two weeks before the event I had started taking 15 mg of mirtazapine daily.
Taking acid in this situation was probably a serious mistake. I had been somewhat depressed for at least six months, but I had absolutely no conscious intention of committing suicide.

My last couple of trips had been slightly underwhelming and I was craving for a stronger experience, something I could really call a breakthrough. So, being free of all obligations for two days and having woken after a night of good sleep, I decided to take four tabs. My boyfriend B took the same dose.

The come up was slightly dizzying. My thoughts started going into places and directions that don't exist when sober. I sat on the balcony, accompanied only by an orange, an easel and paints. I remember picturing about our (mine and the orange's) common ancestry and wondering whether we had succeeded in the game of evolution. The orange looked wrinkly and imperfect, from which I reasoned that I must be a low-ranked individual within my species, and the stronger alpha humans had picked the prettier oranges. I was still aware of myself and took these thoughts with a grain of salt and was amused by their oddity.

T + 2-3 hours. No visuals worth mentioning showed up, and the paints didn't inspire me, so I gave up on the idea and returned inside. B and I used a couple of capsules of nitrous, which deepened the trip. We decided to have sex to ease the feeling of otherness. We didn't speak. I slowly got more and more disconnected from myself, my personality and conscious mind. We stopped to get a drink of water. B spilled some on the bed and started freaking out, saying the damage would cost millions to repair. I was confused, the panic was contagious. Glancing at the window, I saw glimpses of helicopters in the sky. Suddenly my brain was one-track and allowed no interruptions. The first thing that came into my head was the thought I accepted as gospel truth, and the normal background analysis - thinking about thinking - was gone.

I forgot who I was and that I had taken acid. All I knew was that I was in big fucking trouble. They, with a capital T, were after me and if they caught me my life was effectively over. This crushing feeling of what-have-I-done dominated my consciousness. I kept trying to look for signs that this was a dream and I would soon wake up from the nightmare.

The apartment was no longer a safe place. The fact that there were knifes in the kitchen drawers terrified me. Neither could I trust B - he seemed to have turned into a dangerous and unpredictable stranger. I fled into the stairway (naked of course). B and I exchanged some words for a moment - he kept repeating how much this all was going to cost and how much his family and ancestors (?) would be shamed.

T + 5 hours (judging by the time the ambulance arrived). Despaired, I started ascending the stairs. I climbed to the roof and jumped. I crashed on concrete after falling about 65 feet.

I survived the fall but spent nearly three months hospitalized. I went in looking for spiritual rebirth but got a physical one instead: I had to re-learn almost everything. Sitting upright, controlling bodily functions, finally walking. I wanted a life-changing experience and got more than I asked for.

Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 107347
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jan 13, 2020Views: 2,079
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Depression (15), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Small Group (2-9) (17)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults