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To Help Aid This Gaping Hole I Feel
Kratom & Heroin
by becca
Citation:   becca. "To Help Aid This Gaping Hole I Feel: An Experience with Kratom & Heroin (exp107611)". Erowid.org. Apr 18, 2018. erowid.org/exp/107611

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 cup oral Coffee  
  T+ 0:40 2.3 g oral Kratom  
  T+ 0:00     Cannabis (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 107 lb


First Time Kratom Heroin User

My drug use was alot of meth-y ecstacy, which I found gave me a speech impediment and unstable emotions. I didnt like mdma, and have not taking a cap in over 4 months longest time in 5 years so this is why I'm trying new things. I hit bong nightly, drink maybe once a week and don't touch anything other than that regularly.

A lady I know sells and uses kratom for herself daily as a coping mechanism/ease anxiety depression or what have you, and gives it to her daughter for her heroin abuse, when she wants to be clean. This lady gave me a shpiel on how it was the greatest thing, not too overwhelming, she claims as she uses it more, she notices the effects more and more (or that her body is better ready to react to the drug so the effects are more apparent?).

I'm one of those people who have only used heroin once, and I used it more to get an understanding of why its so addictive mentally, or what is so great about the high. (almost 70% of my friends I grew up with fell victim to the drug and I could never understand the drug itself)

I've done my fair share of opiates before diving into heroin and my decision to try it was made because someone very close to me decided to use it for 1 week only (decided to detox before it went to far), which drove me into a really deep confused depression and the only way to aid myself was the use the drug to understand it furthur. I have a very non addictive personality so I wasn't afraid of getting hooked. Which I now know is a stupid assumption for anyone who thinks like me, even though I did not try it again, it was all I wanted to do for a week and even two months later I do not feel the satisfaction I wanted and find myself thinking I want to use it again. Then again that is accompanied by other issues I find myself still facing that drove me to use it in the first place.

I'm writing this because my first experience after trying the kratom, which I got for myself to help aid this gaping hole I feel I can only fill with drugs.

I took it about 40 minutes after having my morning coffee and yogurt, not much of a full meal, with some lime juice and warm water and a shot of OJ to help wash it down. For the first hour I didnt' feel much until I started to notice that nice feeling I get after I would drink a good amount of codeine, sleeping meds and cough syrup (lean). It felt similar to ingesting maybe 40g of codeine.

And then it hit me, so hard to the point of disorientation, nauseau and just an overwhelming drive to sleep. I decided I needed to lay down for at least 15 minutes before I headed out. The 15 minutes turned into a half hour then I decided I needed tums and a banana because I was feeling so weak and my stomach was slightly upset (not enough for it to have been the only thing on my mind) I think the banana really helped.

So I'm laying for a total of an 1hr and a half now, too sedated to care and throughout this dreamy state my mind only wandered to great thoughts of well being and much love to those in my life. It was rather pleasant other than the fact I knew I should have been up and going. I was thinking laying on the bed how similar this felt to my first time using heroin. Without throwing up, and with that I gained the experience I needed to not want to use heroin again. And to be reminded of the numbing helpless I felt feel when taking it. The only difference between the two experiences for me was the environment and on heroin... the complete lack of future thought
The only difference between the two experiences for me was the environment and on heroin... the complete lack of future thought
(also I did manage some presence when I took heroin as my biggest fear is to loose complete control of thyself).

Both all in all where good experiences one a lot more disgusting than the other.



Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 107611
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Apr 18, 2018Views: 1,286
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Kratom (203), Heroin (27) : First Times (2), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)

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