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Trying to Find Answers to Life Questions
Morning Glory
by bluevelvet
Citation:   bluevelvet. "Trying to Find Answers to Life Questions: An Experience with Morning Glory (exp107702)". Erowid.org. Jan 12, 2020. erowid.org/exp/107702

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
6.25 mg oral Pharms - Promethazine  
  T+ 0:00 0.25 mg oral Pharms - Clonidine  
  T+ 1:00 150 seeds oral Morning Glory (ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT: 115 lb


Morning Glory Mind

Heavenly Blue Morning Glory Seeds
Dose: 150 seeds

Accompanying medications:
Phenergan 6.25 mg (1/2 of 12.5 mg tab to counteract nausea)
Clonidine .025 mg (1/4 of 0.1mg tablet to counteract vasoconstriction effects)

Introduction:

After much consideration and a long period of time between my psychedelic experiences (30 years), I decided to conquer this once again and try to find answers to life questions that have been plaguing me for the past 6 years. I chose heavenly blue morning glory seeds to attempt this.

When I was 15 years old, I was a well rounded kid. I had good grades, cheered, had many good and “cool” friends, and was just discovering cannabis and LSD. We occasionally treated ourselves to hashish and a few other things, but never really hard stuff like cocaine or heroin. We had a ball discovering all these agents had to offer.

One night my older brother decided to sell my best friend and me a sugar cube of acid which was different from our usual dose with blotters. He was kind of a self righteous arrogant ass back then so about 2 hours later we decided he sold us plain sugar cubes with no acid. Pissed off, we looked for anyone who could get us something to alter us. We found beer. Alcohol was something we rarely did because we enjoyed our pot and LSD so much. We figured why have the hangover with alcohol when we can do these other things?

At that point I had consumed a full six pack and still felt very little. We ended up at a party and were greeted at the door with a huge bong. Each of us smoked some and then went outside where someone had a joint. Again, we each took a few puffs. It wasn’t long after that I started feeling HORRIBLE. It was like I had this sudden tunnel vision, my stomach felt like fire on the inside and the outside. I could hear “waves” of some type of windy sound that was so incredibly loud, and then the fire feeling rose up into my chest. I started to hyperventilate and panic. I told my friends “I’m dying. I’m gonna die.”

They took me to the car and all I could do was pray not to live, but to find peace wherever I was going. That is how sure I was that I was in fact dying. The Led Zeppelin song “All of My Love” came on and this made me even more certain that it was sort of a “goodbye” to everyone. I know…ridiculous, but I was convinced of impending death and in a physical and mental hell at this point.

My friend and I got to my house and just tried to conceal this from my Mom which was even worse. I looked at my friend’s face and she appeared to have neon pink and neon green war paint on. She looked so devilish and the patterns in the carpet were swirling, breathing and patterning so rapidly I couldn’t even comprehend it all.

I kept feeling fire in my chest and these squiggly feelings like my heart was flopping and squiggling around. Now that I am older and have a medical degree, I realize it was a slight arrhythmia in my heart. It was beyond frightening to have to work through this all night. A fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. A few times I said I wanted to go to the hospital, but my friend and brother insisted I’d be ok and to wait it out. I finally fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up thinking “how am I still here?” The mere recollection of it threw me right into a panic attack. I ran downstairs to my Mom and she could literally see my shirt moving because of my heart pounding. The first thing she asked was “have you been doing drugs?” I answered “yes”. That was it. I did nothing from that point forward and eventually changed groups of friends. It was a very tough time. I had random and frequent debilitating panic attacks over the subsequent 7 years requiring Xanax. They eventually went away and I was ok. Panic attacks are worse than death. It’s the feeling of dying without dying.

Fast forward to college days and I eventually allowed myself to drink a little bit, but this didn’t come so easy. Any time I had tried to even drink one drink after that experience, I would go into a full blown panic attack. It seemed that anything at all that made me feel even the slightest bit different, would cause a panic attack. This is how I eventually realized that it was NOT the LSD that did it.

I came to understand over the years that the LSD we were given was a much larger dose than we had been used to. I also drank 6 beers that I otherwise wasn’t tolerant to, and smoked a boatload of pot….all in just a few hours. At 15 and 100 lbs, this was way too much. Had we just been more patient and stayed in a more chill place, we would’ve had a great trip. It was the combination of things, the dosage, the mindset and the SETTING. It was NOT the drug LSD itself.

So, here I am now at 44 years old, just aching to have the ayahuasca experience that so many have talked about
here I am now at 44 years old, just aching to have the ayahuasca experience that so many have talked about
or attempted to explain. As a very deep thinker and a student of the mysteries, I knew that at 6 years into my searching for so many of life’s unanswered questions, I would have to confront my demon and fear of psychedelics once and for all if I wanted to break the door down into the realm I would find the answers.

I did a lot of research and finally decided on heavenly blue morning glory seeds to 'get my feet wet', as it were. I purchased them online, untreated and fresh. Some say they vomit or have diarrhea so what I did was pre-medicate with an anti-emetic about an hour before consumption. It seemed to help, though I did feel twinge of annoying nausea for about 2 hours after consumption. Now I’m not so sure I should’ve done that. Many shamans assert that the “purge” is more of a spiritual one to rid you of toxins that are in physical and non-physical forms.

The process:

Pre-medication

Phenergan 6.25 mg orally
Clonidine .025 mg orally

Preparation:

15 hours before consumption, counted 150 seeds out, placed them in distilled water and put them on outside porch (about 45 degrees ) overnight.
Removed seeds from water, washed them in dish soap for about 1 minute, rinsed with distilled water only, and towel dried them.
Placed seeds on a 8x11 sheet of paper, folded paper up into a little ‘packet” and put it onto cement side walk in front of my house.
Used hammer to crush seeds.
Scraped seed material into cup of freshly poured distilled water.
Drank the mixture

Experience by time:

12:00 pm: consumed the mixture
12:30 pm: feel a slight bit tingly and “high”, giggly
1:00 pm: feel slight nausea and the desire to go outside into nature and sun
2:00 pm: sitting outside in the yard, 52 degrees but feels much warmer in the sun. Listening to favorite calming music and eyes closed toward the sun.
2:30 pm: a very intense mind trip. Feeling and thinking very deep, ego shedding type thoughts. Understanding what the “morning glory” plant itself feels like in nature. It is harmonious with nature.
3:00 pm: go into house, feel detached and icky. Need to go to the restroom. Wanting very badly to hurry back up into the sun because the indoors makes me feel nervous.

3:30 pm: back into the sun with music
4:00 pm: still outside in sun and nature now starting with strong visuals. More like MIND visuals. No need for physical eyes to deceive me, just the minds eye needed to show me the real visuals.
5:00 pm: mental and mind’s eye visuals. Body feels the “body load” feeling as almost as if the body is unnecessary and if I could shed it for the time being, I would. The plant giving me the experience of itself and other plants. Loss of ego and detachment of body sense.
6:00 pm: Laying in bed and enjoying the flowery picture on my wall. Flowers dancing around very slowly and gracefully, moving into and out of each other. Very beautiful.

7:00 pm: taking a bath. Feeling the come down. Calm, rested. Realizing that we are all part of a whole. A pattern, within a pattern within a pattern. We come and go and come and go. Over and over and over. Each life experience sets the scene and predicts the subsequent life experience. You attract what you are at any given time.
8:00 pm: Back into bed with soothing music. Recording thoughts and visions. Geometrical patterns perfectly seen with mind’s eye in ALL physical/material things. The spiritual is what architects the material. All the same patterns. Every living being is part of this pattern. Fractals and patterns. Rainbow of colors. You will be one color and then the next. It’s futile to fight it and try to be another color prematurely. Enjoy the experience of each “color” in each life. You will eventually be all colors.

9:00 pm: almost completely down now with a slight bit of residual.
10:00 pm: fell asleep.
8:00 am: awoke. Felt a little sluggish. Coffee remedies this. Reflecting on the experience.

This is something to be respected and regarded as a sacred undertaking. All in all, I learned a lot from this, done in the daytime, in nature, and on a sunny day. I gain the most with set and setting with these as they are planted, grow, and bloom more enjoyably in their natural environment. My desire now is to work with a team of doctors and researchers who believe that entheogens treatment is a step toward healing both mental and physical distress.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 107702
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 44 
Published: Jan 12, 2020Views: 1,148
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Morning Glory (38) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)

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