Citation: Salviavirgin822. "My Ego Is a Stone Well: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp107828)". Erowid.org. Apr 8, 2021. erowid.org/exp/107828
I have practiced zazen (Sitting meditation) for about 8 years, in what I consider a successful and pretty consistent way.
I didn't even want to start with 5x because I know I'm extra sensitive to any substance. 1 cup of caffeine makes me jittery an anxious, a single hit of average weed is more than enough. This was my first experience with any psychedelic, so I ordered a bag of natural 1x salvia leaves.
I hiked with my dog somewhere isolated, prepared my bong, and packed my first bowl.
I have read you need to have some intent before any psychedelic (set), so I asked the salvia for 3 things...
- Please Show me divinity,
- Please help me live without fear,
- PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH ME!
I tried to relax, completely emptied my lungs, and gave my bong the hardest rip I've ever taken, held it in as long as I could, and as I exhaled, nothing happened. Twice as harsh as weed. I repeated.
As I exhaled my second rip, I felt the salvia coming over like a freaking train, fullspeed. I got the feeling I was about to be run over by something big, kind of like 'there's no going back now!' So I asked again, PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH ME. I put my bong down and felt an immediate urge to lie down. I started kind of hearing, kind of feeling an intermittent sharp noise throughout the environment, and inside my body.
Immediately I felt a completely real presence, not menacing, playful, powerful, and in absolute power over me, mocking but respecting my request to be gentle. It felt kind of like having a teacher taking it easy on you when he or she thinks you should push harder. It didn't appear, it sort of has been there all the time, it just became apparent then. The situation also felt familiar, somewhere I had forgotten about, but have been there before. It also felt dignified, in an aztec or prehispanic sort of way (I don't know if that makes any sense).
It repeated 'Please be gentle with me' time and time again, until it became kind of a tribal stone against stone sounding rhythm. I heard this throughout the whole trip. Kind of TOC-TOC TOC-TOC-TOC-TOC TOC.
I began to feel fear, but I decided I was going to trust the experience, just let go. Immediately the fear stopped. I felt a 'pull', or gravity take me down into a 'stone well'. I could see the environment where my body was spiraling upward and away from me. I could feel the stone walls, they were part of me, but 'my' consciousness was at the bottom, and I could see where my body was up above. I was just consciousness, no memories, no thoughts, nothing, just awareness and stone walls. (Later while meditating I realized my ego felt exactly like the stone walls did). The presence felt playful, not menacing, but completely powerful. It was neither female nor male.
I felt the presence become a group, but there was a dominating 'voice', saying 'We will show you'. It didnt really sound, it was more like a transmitting of concepts. The trip ended before they could show me anything. Literally, 2 minutes after it started, it loosened its grip on my mind, and I came to my senses again. I felt an afterglow that lasted about an hour, quite similar to the happy playful feeling I get on weed. Then (3 hrs after) I felt a bit anxious like I do everyday at night, but, with what I just lived through, I could tell it was a chemical feeling, and nothing bad was necessarily going to happen. Felt baseline until next morning.
The following 2 days I felt 'pure', and noticing tiny details like the wind on my face, how beautiful clouds are, how leaves move, as if it were the first time I saw them, awe inspiring.
It definitely was out of this world, interesting and insightful. It improved my subsequent meditation sessions, I am very happy to have done it, and will do it again, maybe in some months from now, maybe chewed instead of smoked.
I do feel calmer to have felt there is something beyond just dirt and darkness when we die, and it did open a window into mind exploration for the future.
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