Citation: nervewing. "Catatonic Expedition: An Experience with Deschloroketamine (exp107832)". Erowid.org. Feb 5, 2016. erowid.org/exp/107832
I took live notes during this one. They are incoherent. You can read them here: [url deleted / text pasted at end of report] I tried to incorporate them into the report as best I could but a good chunk of them I just don't remember and a lot of it just isn't even words.
Dose: 50 mg
T0:00-Crushed into a fine powder and insufflated. Stings a little bit.
T0:30-Onset, beginning to feel the first warm notes of dissociation, a feeling of being underwater and having warm waves roll over me
T0:40-Warmth begins to wrap around me. I feel a strange feeling, like its going to level off here. I am wrong. CEVís begin to manifest in red and blue patterns. I begin feeling numbness in my extremities.
T1:00-I feel glued to my bed. It feels like the lower half of my body is unreeling, that there is a numbness winding its way up my body. This is a pleasant and welcome sensation, it feels like I am made of fluffy cotton and having tight bounds removed, so I am free to puff into the atmosphere at my discretion. Classic dissociative effects come in, with ataxia, double vision, numbness, and a total collapse of proprioception. I feel like I am in many many pieces as I have no idea where anything is in relation to anything else.
T1:10-I feel dizzy and buzzy. Another classic dissociative effect, more reminiscent of MXE than Ketamine, I feel like the outlines of my being are vibrating into static, disintegrating into low-fidelity blurriness. I feel like I am buzzing.
T1:20-I somehow manage to take 2 hits from my gravity bong, to kick this into next gear. Hooo boy. Timestamps cannot exist for the next bit of time.
Independent movement quickly becomes a foreign concept as I am rendered more or less catatonic. This is the warmest and most pleasant drug induced paralysis Iíve ever felt, it feels like a great warm blanket has been draped over me, immensely heavy but not so much as to crush me. There is no reason I would want to move, I have been rendered statuary, both physically and psychologically. This is a big dissociative hug.
I have my laptop on my lap. I decide I will try to type out live notes of my CEV scapes. I find myself able to operate my fingers at the very least, but it is extremely difficult. If I am not looking at them I completely lose track of where they are, and I find my sense of which hand is left/right crossed many many many times. Iíve fallen into a dissociative ďholeĒ state, and this is pretty cool. This hole is nothing like vast empty expanse of the K hole, but rather is strikingly similar to MXE. It has the same deep intense reds, greens, and blues acting as auras and a general color palette for this internal world. Similarly to the MXE hole, it is an experience of mentally generated surreal worlds and scenarios, all appropriately abstract and highly incomprehensible. These arenít the coherent disturbing alternate realities of DXM, simply dreamlike amalgamations borrowing elements from my conscious world. My notes are unfortunately irredeemably incoherent at points, but I do recall the feeling of being sprayed in the face with a great numbing hose, or lying in a raging river and having the rushing water swirl around me and take my form away.
One visual I remember is the entire world flattening into ribbons that slid past one another, each adorned with many blurred violet human silhouettes. It was as if they were film strips containing a million soulless bodily forms. The other close eyed visuals came in the form of biomorphic hallucinations, mostly imitating animals that I have an affinity for. Images of insects, isopods, stingrays, and millipedes paraded around my exploding mind, all of them being bent and warped in impossible ways to fit the strange constraints of esoteric patterns that lurked beneath this rippled reality. I feel like I am being washed over by a raging storm, and it feels great, it feels awesome. Itís raging benevolence. Itís a tsunami and a hurricane that simply want to give me a hug. It feels like raging winds are blowing away the dust of my corporeal form. I try to write these images, but I am forced to open my eyes every time I want to type. I keep losing track of my fingers, and they keep losing track of one another.
Waves are a recurring feeling, ocean waves, washing over me. Each time they wash over me, my form melts and coalesces to fit the form of the surface of this nonexistent sea. My entire existence is on a plane that is undulating and splashing about. This feels immensely and irresistibly cozy. I feel like I have built a psychological fortress, I have made a castle of soft numbing bricks, this is my safe place, this is the realm where I have dominion, over an imaginary world, but most importantly, dominion over myself that I do not feel in my sober life. I spend a great deal of time hallucinating vivid dream scenarios. I ditch my anesthetized body and explore the caverns of my mind. In the included notes there is some vague attempt at mentioning many of these dream sequences. Honestly though, a great deal of those notes are incoherent and I have literally 0 memory of them, so I will just leave them be for now. There was a great deal of scenario/setting shifting however, teleporting me around the city and taking me to all variety of strange fractal castles. This feels like a grand carnival, a celebration of my imagination, I am inside a great hexagon, and a billion geometric forms strive to converge on me. Surreal looking creatures parade around the rim of my polyhedral world, this is an orgiastic and slovenly display of ego and rather than ego loss, it seems to be an ego transplantation, it is moving the ego to a place where it is boundless and powerful to its own discretion.
2:30-I can read a clock again. I suppose I am coming down. I feel like I cannot return to my beautiful crystal hole. But I have more of this stuff. I can always go back :3 I am so tired though, the sedating effects of this substance are real and heavy. I just want to sleep, all my limbs feel impossibly heavy and I move in slow motion. I go to bed at 12 AM. This is absurd for me, I usually go to bed at 4.
Epilogue: Sleep was weird. It felt like I didnít sleep at all. I had vividly realistic dreams, not lucid dreams however, it was like living out movies, being directed by fate and puppet strings and the hand of god, to perform the most mundane tasks in what bordered on a fever dream or the sort of scenario projections that strike whenever I try to sleep after taking deliriants.
I am high the next day. I talk peopleís heads off, the afterglow is typical of any dissociative afterglow, but I am thankfully spared the short term memory loss.
Conclusion: This stuff is great. New favorite drug mayhaps, it is a beautiful colorful adventure space like MXE, where I can to a degree create a world of my own design. This is what Iíve been pursuing through psychonautics all this time, this is what Iíve pursued my entire life. I feel like with more trials and more focused meditation I can totally control this to an omnipotent degree. Flashes of narcissism ;)
[live report notes]
T0:00-Administered. Stings a little
T0:30-Feeling distant, a nice cozy sinking feeling like i am drifting underwater. The drawings on my wall look 3d
T0:40-Feeling a dissociative warmth. Smallest patterns of red and blue closed eye visuals come on. numbness beginning
T0:50-feeling warm and very very calm. Mental dissociative buzzing. I am glued to my bed.
T1:00-Double vision setting in. Feeling very distant and dissociated. Lower half of my body feels like its unreeling. It feels like i am being slid apart
T1:05-I am buzzing and vibrating. the world feels like its bending around me. I feel buzzing moving up and down my body. I A vibrating to numbness.
T1:10-this is a very dizzy chemical i am having a hard time standing up
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooCEv's exteely colorful im fading center is my face
wow myhandsa rent here
hole hole hoe
my face is cold andnumbfeeelslike brain is shoooting zlassers
deep inh oe
lots og omving
red and green
can control myself if i need to butrelalllly fcke
saw a ,amtos
i wamma be hamted
[report every 15-30 minutes, at least until/through peak (if possible)]
(effects taken from https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Subjective_effect_index)
-Rating on shulgin scale at different times
-body load, measured heartrate, etc
-stimulating or sedating?
-managable or overwhelming?
-constant or in waves?
(best measured in terms of intensity, featured distortions/enhancements, & binary descriptors of drifting + CEV and OEV geometric effects)
rows red amd reemstri opf human
strip of human
bugslots f amts
fllsk mxe closed eye visual world
imageso f trees images of mushroms images of meat isopod everything isbending to fit my form
big blue stingray
i fel like n ant anta ant antant wo
everything isbeing wiped and pulled d i cantt el whcin hand is hwich forg fingesr spidersky i am storm ai maein overomce i have googles on
woooood woop iddzzyleft anright whatare tehy
fjfjffijgers ar enot fingers are not inther ih place
i am virbating so arjd
all feels strestched
zoooooopi holebric k hole yooo jfjfjfjfi am the mother k kele i keep losing track of my hands they alll fell like one hand my feet are bein hguged bh n nothing
visuals are cute
hi huh huh dome do,e o a, adp,eo a, dp,eo a, dpe,a adp,edp,e dp,eteeth sfhit
kiss hoomy face iss trapped down
my face is strapped dwon with wind and water
intrusive buzzing numbbbeasaa
can kinda hear voices like TV
bgs diamonds diamonds diamonds
hell i a am diamonds hooo what did I do todau
i am a beetle
geting its mind sandwiched
between endles gooo
i am what
spike felur de lis
get really strong aferimage afer closing eyes
my hands are phantoms
i can halllucniate them wit my eyes closed
i see a wavy version of me
it teh wavy colorful MXE visuals
ive captured tou
like a mciroscope slide
the curtian is rare ad timid
fields f gloss
all jadnds ly hands cat tell which diection handa re sinking feling
jlwi wo k sj s buidking
i cant erocgnize my hands
until start to move them
legs are irrelevant'wraped up in striratied thigns
jijj jij jij jij;fafd cfjv he zoooo;j
WHY AM I S S\I SAD CA B T FUBD NE ERE
qhy am i so sad can it find me here
this is my cozy lace
beteween tbe blocks
where it wont find me
puzzle puzzl puzzle toss up
fknfkfknfres feelt angled
fubgers feel tabgked
fingers feel tangled
strap hexagons arena
k can her voices
bran feels eajvu
gheere is the rainbow clown fframe
lace and colors and pretty
this world knows i spy on it now
what did Ido ysterday
im so cold
bengs plit aparrt being split into tiny wheels
sinking sinking sbimig
im nota dcotor
rocks lots ofrocks
i am on a street in stouh philadelphia a truc is driing by
still walin eheayv stone
turn ern turn tern turn tern tomoror i s today
giiio giio um crazt
jajajahanda feels upside down
OEVS are just things being dizzy, colorful, CEV's are colorful, entire worls taht consume me
everyhthing is strobing with red
its like the world is trying to close my eyes
i feel like o a pn a boat holding to the rails clinging tryng not to let tje sea drag e poout
fjdfd tjeres big keys
jo jo wdk
afall asleep forever
im so stoned
likea beetle al curled up
im in a hammokcnin hte jungle
je jeooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooi cant feel my meouth
it feels like soething fuzzy is between alll of our fingers
existence has tracers
hallucaned entire dream scnario forgot it tho :(
hallucinated a woman in r olly chair spilling ric e eehwyere
who ae hooo'jalucnagte contstruction in front of my house brght white lights
the DXE hole is shaped like a triangle there are a lot of manic flailing colorful cfreatuers around the rim
i srhink into a tiny polyhedron
surrounded by great ones
gold and black
all visuals point and converge on me
T2:30-starting to come down
it feels like there is some medium between all parts of my body
moving is super hard, even if i want to
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