DOSE:

900 ug

sublingual

AL-LAD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I don't know the exact times so there's a bit of guesstimating but I'll try to be accurate.

0800 Took 6 tabs sublingually.

0815 Putting clothes in the washer, when I swallow the tabs as they have become too mushy and the texture is kinda weird.

0900 I put on a youtube video about some obelisk and aliens, I wasn't paying attention as I was texting someone. Text in phone starts to dance so i stop texting. I go outside but it's is too bright. Painfully bright. it literally hurt. Not like a sharp pain but a dull, deep body ache that stopped as soon as I went back inside... This is where I feel it turned sour. I felt that I was somehow going to die for some reason, and I thought my tabs were NBOME (even though I am certain it's not, but at the time I thought they were) and I notice my heart rate is starting to speed up.

I start freaking out thinking I am going to die, thinking I took 6 tabs of nbome and people have died from just two. Wtf. Wtf. Wtf. (This is how I was thinking, not right now. I'm fine and safe) I thought of calling my sister or 911 as I was really scared, but I decided that if I fucked up and killed myself, I'd go alone. I didn't want to involve anybody and did not want to have anyone witness my death.

1100 It's more or less an hour before noon and I had decided I was going to die and wanted to die 'normally'. I wanted to be doing something 'normal' when I died so that whoever found me did not suspect drugs or murder. I threw away all my al lad (I had only a few tabs left) and also threw away all my benzos down the toilet. I'm actually glad I tossed the benzos, but will get to that later.

1130 More or less I put on a youtube video about some crazy unsolved murders and I am convinced that within a few hours, my existence will cease... I stop freaking out, I have accepted I'll die, and I'm spending my last few hours on... youtube. Soon after I started the video, I was BOMBARDED out of nowhere BAM! in your face everything just broke... I can't even put words but the world broke and I wasn't sure what was me and what was my bed. It's not ego death, I don't think. I've never had ego death but I still had a sense of self... I just wasn't entirely sure what that self was... if that makes any sense...

1200 I'm sure that I am in the process of dying. The world collapsed into fractals and tiny little pebbles which I thought were atoms (I know it's impossible to see atoms with naked eye) I start freaking out again. I feel like something is pulling me down. not falling, but actually pulled. Visuals are lacking, it's all black and just some minor neon streaks here and there, mainly reds and greens. I don't know if my eyes are open or closed but no matter what I do it's just this blackness with red and green splattered about. I say to myself 'Well, this is it..' and I start thinking about my life, my achievements and regrets, my favorite and least favorite memories, etc... I felt like I revisited every single memory I had... and it felt like I was in this void for a finite infinity.

1600 I suppose I fell asleep, or blacked out.. I came to sitting on the side of my bed breathing very deeply and drenched in sweat. Almost as if I had just finished working out. I am confused, intense tracers still make it hard to get to the bathroom, but I get there, drink some water.. I'm feeling so confused. Why am I still here? Instead of being thankful that I didn't die, I was confused as to why I was allowed to live. Doesn't make sense, but then again most things don't. I go back to my room, turn on the air conditioner and go to sleep...

1830 I wake up feeling very refreshed. In a very 'hangout-y' mood, which is weird for me as I am very introverted and solitary. So I take to the internet as I have no irl friends to share/vent with.
END of trip

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 107942
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Feb 16, 2016	Views: 4,409
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AL-LAD (603) : Alone (16), Overdose (29), General (1)