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Showed Me My Greatest Mistake
Salvia divinorum ('80x extract')
by Joe_T
Citation:   Joe_T. "Showed Me My Greatest Mistake: An Experience with Salvia divinorum ('80x extract') (exp108054)". Erowid.org. Mar 4, 2016. erowid.org/exp/108054

 
DOSE:
1 hit smoked Salvia divinorum (extract)

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


First I'll tell you what I learned before describing the physical aspect of the experience.

The only things that mattered in this life when I left it were love and playing. I saw that I had so many grudges against people. I'm holding a grudge against every member of my family, and all the people who I stopped sharing myself with because they were too self-obsessed. I'm damning off my ocean of love with these grudges, and by the time I had left my world to look at it from the outside it was too late to go back and appreciate it. I was sadder than I had ever been.

Utterly alone as the only thing in existence, other than my slices and the time wave. I was the only living thing left though. It was as if I went back to this place that I had been for an eternity, and my life as Joseph was like a dream, not even real. Just a blip, like something I had imagined but had been so engrossed in the thought that it absorbed me totally for its duration. It didn't feel like salvia had brought me to a new place, it felt like the smoking of salvia in that moment had given me the opportunity to separate from my timeline and visit this place or non place that had already been a part of me. I saw the base self as a prison from the perspective of my human life. Salvia supports the idea that the self is the base of existence. We are the presence of nothing, or the nothing presence.

Before I explain the trip I should tell you that I resisted every twist and turn of this because I thought I was dying and I didn't want to leave my family behind with everything I regret. So here we go with the experience.

I rip the bowl, in a room full of people I was hardly close to and more that I didn't know. I did it because life is crazy. If you stay in the cradle forever you'll only become more afraid of everything.

The hit starts to set in. My heart is pounding so I get up and start to walk around a little. I see all these beautiful neon colors coalesce into a silhouette of a city. I start to think that this is the extent of the hallucination when I feel a very powerful magnetic plane whip through my body from left to right. This was the strangest feeling. It felt vital, violent, and naked, like the force whipped through the deepest fibers of my being in every part of me. It was whipping through me more and more rapidly until it peaked into some kind of primeval and brutally sensational ripping apart of myself into a timeline of my moments fading off into an abyss.

For an immeasurable amount of time I was stuck in the slice where I had smoked the salvia but somehow I managed to dislodge and rise out into the abyss. I could hear and feel the thundering wave of time in the distance, rolling through my moments. I saw my moments and I was deeply sad. I thought this was my last dance with death before I was annihilated or who knows what. I met the time wave at a moment and I woke up in a previous experience, in the hospital after I had overdosed on mushrooms. I experienced the moment with my mother telling me what I had done, my wrists bruised by handcuffs because I had attacked the police officers. But I experience so much dread and confusion with the separation and integration of this moment because it felt like a recording.

I also thought that I might be in a coma right now. I felt myself continually trying to rise into another reality, I could hear people cheering me on. I wondered if my soul was in a coma. For some reason I thought I had been in a coma from the mushroom overdose, like for months. It was weird, as if my salvia trip had brought me back to my mushroom overdose trip and they fed off of each other. They interacted with each other as similar realities overlapping.
It was weird, as if my salvia trip had brought me back to my mushroom overdose trip and they fed off of each other. They interacted with each other as similar realities overlapping.
After all this, I again separated from the moment and was out in the abyss with my slices.

The roaring time wave was approaching and I quickly met it at a moment. When the time wave hit me it too felt brutal and naked, every part of me once exposed coming together with the rush of the full spectrum of human feeling. I could feel someone pulling me through by the wrists and somehow pulling me together too. This thing pulled me up until I was sitting and I came out of the trip. It turns out that nobody had pulled me up haha, pretty weird.

After my trip was over I was afraid, but alive. Salvia showed me that I have no other option than to face all my fear. Death is no way out. It makes me think of something Terence McKenna said about how living your entire life without taking psychedelics is like dying before reaching your adolescence. My consciousness now, compared to the heights and depths of what I experienced on salvia, is like a goldfish compared to the average human.

P.S. The mushroom incident: It was my first time trying them and I had stupidly taken a little over 7 grams, had an allergic reaction, and nearly died. I'll post that story another day.

Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 108054
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Mar 4, 2016Views: 1,937
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Difficult Experiences (5), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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