DOSE:

20 mg

oral

Lisdexamfetamine

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

113 lb

When this experience happened I was studying a particularly demanding major in college, and my focus was alarmingly low. There comes a point at which joking about all-nighters and half-assed assignments with your classmates isn’t enough to mask how stark your problem is. So I was prescribed 20mg Vyvanse once a day. For the most part it worked incredibly well, and I was finally able to feel productive for part of the day, although it also tended to give me a pestering headache.

I hate the idea of being addicted to any substance, even caffeine, so I would often skip a day or two, especially on the weekend. But on the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving break, as final exams approached, the whole campus was buzzing with stress. I was no exception. I took the Vyvanse every day for a week and a half, Saturday and Sunday included. Since I had a few hours “free” (at least, without classes) in the middle of the day, I tried to come home for lunch, and since I lived at a co-op my housemates prepared a homemade dinner every evening. But I wasn’t paying much attention to my diet.

One day I had a meeting with campus administration about sustainable initiatives. As people took turns giving updates on their progress, I slowly became aware of a strange confusion taking over. I couldn’t find the words to describe it, but something was not right. I couldn’t think straight. I felt incredibly weak, both physically and mentally. I could not follow what was being said. It was such a nebulous feeling, with so little explanation, that I feared I was making it up as an excuse to myself to leave the meeting early. But when my neighbor finished speaking and looked expectantly at me, I stuttered for a few moments, and then said in a small voice, “I’m so sorry… I’m feeling very ill.” I didn’t wait for a response before I left the room, stumbling a bit, perhaps on purpose, I didn’t know.

I found my way to the bathroom. I had no idea what was wrong, so I followed whatever my body seemed to be telling me. And it was telling me to get as close as I could to laying flat on the tile floor. I ended up leaning against a corner with legs sprawled out in front of me, breathing slowly and deliberately. Inexplicably, I also felt the strong desire to move my jaw up and down. None of it made any sense.

Later that night, things got worse, and I called the university health center, who recommended I go to the ER. I had four projects due the next day and absolutely no time to go to the ER, but I was already full of anxiety and knowing I had ignored this advice would only give me a panic attack later. I went. None of the doctors could tell what was wrong. I wasn’t even thinking about the Vyvanse- in fact, it was so far from my mind that I didn’t tell the nurse about it, and she didn’t ask. I thought it was stress- was this a nervous breakdown?

I was let out of the hospital in a state of pure panic. The visit had taken hours and I knew that I had many more hours of homework ahead of me. I felt terribly ashamed of my procrastination, and when sleep came it was fitful.

The next day was the last before Thanksgiving break, and I decided not to take the Vyvanse. I felt exhausted, anxious, and self-pitying. All I wanted, I thought, was a little luxury- a nice hot meal from my favorite little Indian restaurant in town. I could afford that splurge. I ordered the meal to-go, but it took so long I had to grab it and run to my next class without eating it. The smell tortured me all class long. When I finally got home I ripped the containers out of the bag and started scarfing down the huge portions of Tandoori chicken and naan. I melted into the chair as I ate, delirious. How could food taste this good?

Then, in the middle of my ecstasy, it hit me:
I had been STARVING!

Vyvanse’s side effects had killed my appetite. I thought back and realized that whenever I had come home for lunch, I stared into the refrigerator in distaste, and went to start a homework assignment, thinking I would come back in a few minutes to grab something appetizing. But I never did. At dinner I was in such a rush- and my appetite was so low- that I grabbed just a spoonful or two of what was served, then dashed back to my desk. It all made sense now- the weakness, the confusion, the chewing motion. The Vyvanse had eliminated my conscious desire to eat, but the physical need was making itself apparent every way it could. And the moment I stopped taking the drug, the thought wandered into my mind, “Hey, wouldn’t an enormous hot meal be FANTASTIC right now?”

I was impressed at how many ways our bodies have to tell us, “Eat something- ANYTHING!” I was equally impressed, and frightened, at how well even a low dose of Vyvanse could scramble those signals.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 108169
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jan 19, 2020	Views: 3,060
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Lisdexamfetamine (589) : Medical Use (47), Performance Enhancement (50), Retrospective / Summary (11), School (35)