Citation: S. "Propelled into the Light: An Experience with Methoxphenidine & DPT (exp108325)". Erowid.org. Jun 20, 2016. erowid.org/exp/108325
My friend M (150lbs, male, 19 years old) and I (175lbs, male, 19 years old) had been planning this trip for weeks. We had planned and calculated our dosages, picked a sitter (M’s roommate, N), and a location (M’s dorm room). We had obtained some premium laboratory-grade analogues online; dipropyltryptamine (DPT), methoxphenidine (MXP), and methallylescaline (MAL). DPT and MAL were new to us, but we had both tried MXP before (to stupendous results, I might add). M and I decided to take 100mg of MXP orally while we waited for our friend R to get back. This would be his first time really tripping, after a previous light experience with LSA, and we were looking forward to seeing how he liked a ‘real’ hallucinogen: MAL, a mescaline analogue.
At 7:40PM, M and I took the MXP in gelatin capsules, 97.0mg each, measured out on the milligram scale that I use for my workout supplements. We also took about 150mg of L-Dopa, in the hopes that it would augment our trip. I started a timer; from here on I shall consider this Zero Hour with relation to the times I record. R was to be back around 8:00, after working on a chemistry project. While we waited for the MXP to kick in and for R to get home, we briefed N on his responsibilities as sitter: no one leaves the room, no one enters, no loud noises, no pictures, no videos, and basically don’t let anyone freak out.
R got back around 8:00 and immediately took his dose: 45-50mg of MAL, also in a gel capsule. By this time, M and I were beginning to feel the initial effects of the MXP: slight numbness and dissociation. At 8:30, M’s alarm went off with the beautiful caption “Time for DPT”. We were both very excited, as we had heard of the sacramental reputation of DPT. I went first, measuring out 102mg into a weighing boat. Using my student ID, I formed the off-white powder into two lines and insufflated them, first in one nostril, then in the other. I was careful not to breathe too hard, lest the powder go into my throat and into my stomach; DPT is far less active orally than it is when absorbed through the mucus membrane.
I fucked around a little, pretending to pass out to the general amusement of the room, but I didn’t feel much other than simple exhilaration for the trip that was to come. I watched as M took his lines too. Maybe 5 minutes later, I began feeling an indescribable melting feeling, as if I was melting into myself and the room was melting into my eyes. N put on a slideshow of psychedelia on the TV, which had soft background music perfect for tripping. Nothing could have prepared me for what came next. The trippy slideshow began to morph and spread outside the TV, to the ceiling and walls. N started to take a video for one of his friends, and M and I got upset and told him to turn off the recording or get out, and N stopped recording and apologized.
At this point, time began to meld and cause stopped preceding effect. One of the slang names for DPT is “The Light”, and now I know why. Rays of light came from the TV and the ceiling, pressing me against the ground in waves of intense, almost orgasmic pleasure. Visuals were incredibly abundant and beautiful, and we had timed the MXP almost perfectly; I stopped feeling my body and simply drifted into my visions, losing the concept of ‘self’.
Visuals were incredibly abundant and beautiful, and we had timed the MXP almost perfectly; I stopped feeling my body and simply drifted into my visions, losing the concept of ‘self’.
For the next hour and a half, I enjoyed a whirlwind of colors, patterns, shapes, and figures. Around 9:30 (T+1:50:00), it became too much for me to handle and I went to the bathroom. The visual distortions were incredibly intense, and the numbness of my body was disconcerting; I tried to use the toilet, but literally could not feel my body enough. I ended up sitting down on the toilet and began talking to myself. A figure, who was distinctly female, coalesced and served as my interlocutor; she never said a word, but was an incredibly comforting presence as I rambled about life and death (my memory is too hazy to recall exactly what I said, but I feel like it was of the utmost importance).
I returned to the room, where R and M were still tripping balls and N was playing a video game instead of being a half-decent sitter. Maybe 15 minutes later, something started to go wrong. M was becoming very distressed and downright belligerent at times; he kept insisting that he was dead, that we were dead, that we were in the afterlife, and that he wanted to go home. At approximately 10:15 (T+2:35:00), M decided to go home, although he lives many hours away and none of us has access to a car. He reminded me of stories I’d heard of PCP users thinking they were invincible and running into buses or trying to fly off of bridges, so I was getting pretty scared. N was being useless; at some point when we were tripping, he had snuck off to smoke weed and eat some Amanita mushrooms that I’d given him earlier (I couldn’t bring such a large package home, and M and I had found them too weak to be useful). R and I had to bodily restrain M, who was being loud and unruly. RAs were due to make rounds at 10:30, so if we made too much noise (or if M blundered into the hall tripping) we could easily get caught.
I was very scared of getting caught, a feeling not helped by the fact that I was still tripping and dissociated just as badly as M, although I kept my head a bit better. M tried once more to bull his way through to the exit, and when I tried to stop him, he pulled me to the ground and quickly forced me into an arm bar. Did I mention M is a black belt in Jiu Jitsu? He probably would have broken my arm, but I tried appealing to his muscle memory and tapped out. It worked; he let me go and we were able to lead him back to his bed. I was shaken, but it was still only 10:40 (T+ 3:00:00), and since N was a useless fuck and R was tripping hard for the first time, it was basically up to me to make sure M didn’t hurt himself or anyone else, or get us caught.
M began to become despondent; it is at this point that I would characterize him as experiencing ego death. He began rambling about being gay (M is totally straight, as far as he and I know) or asexual, and also called out for the girl he liked back home. He undressed completely, and R and I had to convince him to put his shorts back on. He continued saying things like “It doesn’t matter, we’re dead anyway. You guys are just scared, it’s ok to be different, I’m different.” I had set aside Phenibut, a mild anxiolytic, in case of this eventuality, but M refused to take it. We gave him water, but he took a sip and just let the water spill back out of his mouth.
Please note that I am still tripping absolute balls; rainbows and kaleidoscopes were everywhere, and my body was completely numb to the touch. Time was moving at a snail’s pace; minutes felt like days. M lapsed into what looked like a comatose state; he looked like someone who had overdosed on heroin. R looked at me, panicked, and I reassured him that it was basically impossible to overdose on DPT or MXP, and that M was physically fine. I checked his pulse and breathing, and rolled him onto his side. This cycle repeated about four times; M would roll onto his face and I would force him back onto his side (I was afraid he would vomit and choke). M told me the next day that every time I rolled him over, he thought he was being reincarnated at the instant of his death, forced to re-watch it over and over for eternity.
By now, M had calmed to an extent that I felt comfortable leaving him be for a few minutes. It was around 11:00 (T+3:20:00), and I decided to take a few notes on the experience as a whole, as the effects of the DPT began to fade away. This is all verbatim, but words in brackets are my additions to help the reader make sense of my notes. My notes were:
“This may be the one. This might be the drug we’ve all been searching for. It feels like I’m etching this into my flesh but it’s the flesh of consciousness in gen… [at this point I trail off as a residual vision strikes me]… and I can’t spell but I’m back I’m ok I remember. It’s important because I’m the only one here who is coherent. M is not doing well. His dissociation reached a peak at T+2:30-T+3:00. I feel as though I am sinking into the paper. Time is moving exceptionally slowly. I am shaking. Imagine playing a video game of your fucking life in flesh. This is what we fucking do. This is what we fuckin do…..[a few minutes later, after another vision] M came out when he was tripping. It feels like I’m scrawling on flesh. He said ‘I’m gay. I’m asexual.’ But at the same time was talking about [girl from home] and making orgasmic sounds. It wasn’t easy to restrain him. He’s very fucking good at Jiu Jitsu and he almost broke my arm twice. He bit me. That is, he tried to bite me. Maybe he did [He did; I just hadn’t felt it]. Apparently there is so much I don’t remember, like measuring out N’s shrooms and I still can’t feel my hands (T+4:14:39)
Time has resumed a simple progression. It’s still slower than normal but its [sic] cause to effect now And I’m still writing in my flesh”
All the while, as I was writing, R was texting me to get rid of all my drugs and never let M take them again. I responded nicely at the moment, assuring him that I would never let him do it again, but I just said it to placate him; he was patently still tripping balls and I didn’t want to upset him. Soon after I finished writing, M sat up, looking haunted. I could tell from the way he looked that he was back in control of himself.
“Dude…what just happened? Did I arm bar you?”
“Dude…what just happened? Did I arm bar you?”
M and I talked for a while, still dissociated and coming down from the DPT. He explained that he had thought he was in a lucid dream that he could control, and nothing had seemed real. He had thought that he was a cell, constantly undergoing apoptosis (controlled cell suicide) and re-proliferation. He seemed drained, almost in shock. I made sure he was ok, checked on R and N, both of whom were still pretty high. MAL has a duration of action far longer than either MXP or DPT, so I knew he would trip for a while.
Around 12:00 (T+4:20:00) I determined that everyone was safe and M was sobered up enough that I could go talk to my friend E, who was worried about me tripping. I went up to her room and talked to her about the trip for about an hour and a half, then we tried to sleep because she had an early class the next day. I was still seeing too many kaleidoscopes and rainbow tunnels when I closed my eyes, so at around 2:15 (T+ 6:35:00) I went down to take a walk with M and discuss what had happened. We went over all we could remember and pieced together the approximate order of events, as well as the qualities of the trip. We also took 5-HTP to help alleviate the withdrawal we knew we might get the next morning.
I was able to get to sleep by 3:30AM (T+7:50:00), and woke with no noticeable aftereffects other than a slight headache, which faded by noon. All in all, this trip was enlightening, terrifying, thrilling, and everything in between. Although it could have ended very badly, M and I considered the ultimate evaluation of a trip: Would you do it again? And we both decided that we would (although with a better sitter and without R there).
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