Citation: Farnsworth. "Setting Matters: An Experience with MDMA (exp108364)". Erowid.org. Apr 25, 2016. erowid.org/exp/108364
Setting: Relatively large rave, indoor stadium with main stage, concession area, and smaller stage within the premises of the building. Previous experience with the drug is limited, 4 other occasions within the previous 16 months of this date, all between 80-180mg dosage.
5 friends and I all took the capsules, which were properly tested and accurately weighed beforehand, at around 7:30 PM, which will be referred to as T+0:00. I decided to only take one, as I have really bad social anxiety and the number of people in the venue was somewhat intimidating. This was my first time taking it at a show, and I had high expectations.
T+0:45 first signs noticed. The drug doesn’t hit me like a brick, rather I can feel it slowly edging into my consciousness. This was the first time MDMA has ever affected me this way. I’m not nearly as “lovey-dovey” as I’m used to when the first effects are felt.
T+1:00 the high is very wavy, as the high was experienced strongly for a few minutes and perceptively not felt at all for the next few. I decide to use the washroom to see if maybe that’s causing the issue.
T+1:20 no change perceived, other than the waves continuing. The waves are very extreme in their power, with the ups being too stimulating and anxiety-provoking, while the downs leave me feeling as if I had crashed. Maybe I was dehydrated. I decided to fill up my water bottle in one of the large fountains in the washroom.
T+1:25 as I’m filling the water bottle, a guy to my left points out that I’m doing it wrong. He explained that the fountains as not activated by motion, but instead by the mere presence of my hand near the tap. I felt somewhat silly after realizing this, although I was in a good mood for the moment and tried to laugh about it with the person. However, instead of laughing with me, he proceeded to call me “fucking retarded” and immediately followed with “You’re high as fuck, I can tell.”
At first, I wasn’t really sure how to process that moment. He promptly walked away before I realized that he was completely serious and meant to insult me, and this left me somewhat agitated. Why would this person go out of his way to help me fill my water bottle, then insult me for being one of the many people using M at the venue? Is he really that naive in believing only a small portion of the audience had taken drugs, when practically this entire culture was founded on drug use? Why was this guy not singled out sooner as the one prick within the crowd of over-friendly and caring people?
T+1:35 I never got an answer to these questions after sitting alone in a bathroom stall thinking it over. I left the bathroom in a significantly worse mood. To be honest, I wanted to leave and go back to the hotel, but I knew that my friends would have worried about me. Returning to the main stage, I decided to dance for a few more minutes to try and shake off the bad taste from the experience earlier. However, it wouldn’t work, and I left to go sulk.
T+2:30 I sat somewhere within the massive bleachers for the remainder of the event. My mood got somewhat better after a few short minutes.
T+2:45 I located and sat with an acquaintance who had took too many capsules (6x125mg) and I helped talk him down from his agitation. After having an unfulfilling conversation about nothing in particular, we both sat in silence for some time afterwards, watching the main stage.
T+3:15 a stranger sat beside me and struck up a conversation. It was just small talk, nothing extravagant was mentioned. After a few minutes of speaking he asked “So are you just drinking tonight?” and I responded “Not drinking, but I popped a cap some time ago.” He then asked if I had any extra on me, which immediately raised a red flag. I did in fact have one extra on me in case I decided to re-dose later into the night. However, my suspicion of him got the better of me and I promptly lied. His face gave way to an unsatisfied expression, and he turned away without saying a word. I became extremely suspicious of my surroundings after this conversation, and I got up, went to the washroom, and flushed the remaining capsule I had on me.
T+3:30 at this point, I concluded that my night really blew. I went out looking to meet new people, have a fun experience, and surround myself with positivity. The opposite had come true: I had met nobody new, minus some asshole and what I suspect was an undercover snitch, my experience had been quite depressing so far, and the mood surrounding me was neutral at best.
The one positive about this roll was that there seemed to be no harsh comedown whatsoever, only a smooth sail to baseline. The rest of the night was uneventful, and not worth mentioning here. I sometimes look back and wonder if it would have been any different if I had decided not to roll. Perhaps I would have recognized the bathroom guy’s hostility immediately instead of thinking he was just kidding around at first. Maybe I would have laughed-off the undercover cop’s attempt at screwing me over instead of being crippled by the anxiety of being charged with possession. One thing I did take away from this experience was that there is a proper setting for MDMA, not just hallucinogenics.
Next time I go to a rave, I will not be rolling. Maybe this was just a one-in-a-million experience of a bad time on MDMA, but this night has utterly destroyed by perception of it all. I hope that those of you who partake in Molly at festivals/concerts/raves can get past any anxiety they might face, and focus on enjoying themselves, unlike what I did.
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