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Is Not Alternative Diazepam
Citation:   Dicklazerspam. "Is Not Alternative Diazepam: An Experience with Diclazepam (exp108407)". May 17, 2016.

T+ 0:00
2 mg sublingual Diclazepam (pill / tablet)
  T+ 0:00 60 mg oral Codeine (pill / tablet)
  T+ 0:00 1 g oral Acetaminophen (pill / tablet)
  T+ 1:00 60 g oral Codeine (pill / tablet)
  T+ 1:00 1 g oral Acetaminophen (pill / tablet)
  T+ 24:00 2 mg sublingual Diclazepam (pill / tablet)
I am a man in my late 30s who has lived many lives. You can scroll to the line if you wish only to read the experience.

In my past I have, at some point or other, ingested over 50% of all substances listed on Erowid, plus some that are not. For several years I was an addict to street heroin and I have manufactured my own drugs when they were not available.

In my past, I was known as an urban shaman because people thought I knew better when in reality I was merely a delusional boy with a book on spirituality and friends desperate to escape their small town realities and unhappy homes. I trained and studied in herbal lore, officially, and for everything else there was the library and (now) the internet.

Because of my past, I am now alone and I do not speak unless necessary.

Today, I would like to relate to you my personal experiences and insights into the substance, 'Diclazepam'.

If you are buying this product, likely online, and not making it yourself, please check the packaging contains the following information:

I have seen packaged products where the IUPAC name is incorrect.

Also: The correct formula is:
C16H12C2lN2O (which is, unfortunately, written the same as another substance about which I will write momentarily)


C16H13C2lN2O, as so many producers of this drug have been manufacturing.

If you have 'the genuine diclazepam' and not some Chinese lab's fuck up in making an entirely different chemical that may or may not cause you sedation, mood swings and seizures, please take note:

It is very long lasting.
A few days long lasting.
It's half life is recorded at around 40 hours, but in my experience, this is more like 48. I felt some effect from this for at least 3-4 days.

Starting at 2mg, pressed into a pellet with chalky filler, then held sublingually before being washed down with coffee (I was engrossed in work and forgot it was there, and only when the grit caught in my throat did I remember).

For me, it took maybe 2-3 hours the first time for the effects to hit and I felt great, with a slight stomach upset that I soothed with milk. I felt relaxed. My back hurt less.

I cracked the muscles and realised I had yet to take my daily painkillers (2x co-codamol 30/500). My first inkling that this substance, due to its long metabolism and half life, can potentiate or inhibit the hepatic conversion of opiates and opioids into morphine.

I no longer felt anxiety at taking an unknown substance. For the first time in a while, my hands had stopped shaking. My mind was methodically working and I slowly come under the impression that Diclazepam and its fuckup twin can interfere in the metabolism of opiates, much in the same way as some anti-histamines.

Did I just write that twice? I think memory is affected.

My painkillers don't seem to be working. I am cold and shivery and feel like I am experiencing opiate withdrawal. I take another 2 pain killers and within an hour I am better and warm again.

The diclazepam is noticable only because my motor skills are less accurate than they would normally be.
There is no 'high'. Just no 'anxiety'.

Later, I start to develop a headache, likely from lack of water, as I have been too lazy to eat or drink, nor have the appetite or thirst.
My motivation is low. I cease my work and sit down on the floor and start to think dark, dark thoughts until I sleep.

24 hours after initial dose, I redose with another 2mg, same method. My painkillers do not feel to be working. I feel like I am withdrawing from the prescribed co-codamol. My back hurts, my neck hurts, my arm hurts... I am cold inside.

There is no effect - the tolerance is there already??! I take 3mg the next time - there is some noticable effect with anxiety reduction, but my motor skills are so bad I am spilling things and cannot write. When I open my mouth to curse myself in the mirror, my words are thick and heavy and my breath smells bad. My teeth are covered in a film of plaque that is bad tasting.
It is the diclazepam, I know it.

My analytical mind is replaced by my despairing self and, ultimately, an inner demon that I tricked into working for me years ago manages to escape and take control.

I lock away the substance in a box, lest I take more, for I feel the compulsion to redose.

My thoughts are becoming very dark.
I think of my past, all the failures, all the people who hated me and rejected me. I am starting to hate myself. I reject this life. This drug wants me to reject this life. I must stay until it is gone.

I realise I have not eaten for 2 days. I drink some water and stagger to a 24 hour fast food joint for a burger. They are used to me not talking - I show them the paper with my order and they give me the double cheeseburgers and fries.

The next day, my shit is like water.
I do not wish to analyse it.
My dick is shrivelled, I have never seen it so small... so the twisted streams of piss splatter over the bowl, the wall, my feet - I don't care. I can't stand up straight. I won't be analysing anything. Fuck this substance. Fuck it in the ass with a razorblade dildo til it ceases its begging for me to stop.

I fall over my weights onto the sofa. I am freezing cold. I put on two duvets and try to watch the Simpsons. I do not know how the Simpsons is on. The machine unplugs itself and unpowers. If I had the co-ordination, I would throw the laptop against the wall because I am that angry right now.

I wake up feeling terrible. I hate the world and I hate myself and I want you all to die in agony.
I cannot work.

What have I done to myself...
This substance has unlocked the demon in me that I hid years ago and assumed was happy in its new home and occupation.

I leave it a week - I feel better.

I redose with 4mg of the Diclazepam.

The same thing happens. I start to feel relaxed, but like my painkillers are not working when I take them (I had meant to take them BEFORE this time, but forgot), I feel goosebumps and cold and shiver, sick in my stomach. I hate my girlfriend, I hate my family and I hate everyone I have ever known. I am considering taking my own life, my life is not worth living.

I am paranoid. I almost attack a group of six men who are being noisy outside my apartment at 4am.
I am dressed in my martial art uniform, wakisashi resting on my hip, held in place by a frayed black belt. I am ready to kill them. If only I could remember where the fucking keys to the place were...

I call the police instead and tell them some youth are bothering me. They come to my door (I cover myself in a dressing gown and scarf - I look in the mirror. I look fine, handsome even...). They tell me to call if the guys come back and bother me, and please don't take the law into my own hands. I promise them I will not.

Back indoors, I realise that nothing has changed in my life but the chemicals I put into my body.

The Diclazepam caused me to lose my mind. I was ready to kill. More than myself. Like during the Temazepam wars of the 90's, hatred was all that was inside. It didn't even take me getting addicted - I never got a high to lose and fight to regain... I never felt that I was feeling good, just... 'not anxious' for a few hours, before feeling the worst I have ever felt in my entire life - emotionally ruined.

The substance that I ingested made me very depressed for its duration (which, as you will remember is a very long time) and feel violent, disorganised, disorientated.

A family member who visited said, 'this is the worst I've ever seen you - if you don't pull yourself together we are gonna have to start looking at getting you sectioned because this isn't you... this is someone else sitting right here'.

My neighbour said to me, 'my missus saw your door wide open all the other night. No-one was in. She shut it for you. Is everything ok mate, no-one's seen you for days, not even on Steam (computer game network)'.

I have no recollection of this.

I deleted my instagram account - I had nearly 10,000 followers of my artwork.
I deleted facebook, cutting contact with people I have known for 30 years.
I changed my phone number.
I stopped texting my girlfriend (we live in different countries and see each other only 3 months out of 12 per year).
I became suicidal.
I came close to unleashing a demon on the world.

After another few weeks - I was fine. The drug out my system. Felt great (well, normal), if a bit weak.
Back hurts a bit more than normal, but that's usual when the outside temperature is zero degrees!
I've started doing a little work, and I thought I'd relate this tale to you guys.

Diclazepam may have some use, but - personally - it took me into a 'benzo paradox reaction' hell that lasted a very long time and has forced me to make some major life changes - I am moving house and I have quit my job and I must start a new life. Maybe that's a good thing...

The drug unlocked something that should not be allowed out in person, and only in expression. The expression it chose was self-loathing, hatred and rage.

I don't remember it, not as me. I remember the experience through the mind of someone else.
I don't remember it, not as me. I remember the experience through the mind of someone else.

I'm just glad no-one was hurt.

Diclazepam... No positive feedback, except at placebo doses whereby I might as well just have a nice cup of tea to calm my nerves. I can't think of any use for it other than to really fuck someone up who you hate - it's a good job it won't dissolve in alcohol or water, else it'd be even more dangerous to accept a drink from a stranger than it is already.

It wouldn't be date-rape - it'd be date-rage.

My mouth still tastes a bit funny even now. I've smashed all the cups and plates I used during that period, and I've destroyed all the equipment that the substance touched, not wishing to risk that any remains.

It destroyed me in less than 12mg over the course of a month or so.

That is all.

Stay safe.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 108407
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 35
Published: May 17, 2016Views: 24,675
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Diclazepam (670) : Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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