Citation: hynythekid. "Sensory Deprivation and Reality Blur: An Experience with LSD (exp108615)". Erowid.org. Nov 13, 2020. erowid.org/exp/108615
||(blotter / tab)
At first it started as an LSD experience somehow similar to the one I recalled (I had LSD once, two years ago - the experience was very mellow and comfortable). After about an hour, colors became brighter, flashes of light in front of my eyes occurred. Everything that caught my eye was suddenly extremely fascinating, I felt I was slowly drifting to the trippy state. My mind was a little dizzy, maybe like mellow high, but still sharp. As tens of minutes passed, the visual hallucinations started to be extremely vivid and real. Beetles crawling on the ground, little trees sprawling in the distance, patterns making waves, moving up and down, showing me all colors of the spectrum. Shit was quite heavy Ė in this moment, I was fully in the trippy zone, not really functioning normally anymore, only feasting my eyes on everything I saw and all the emotions that came with it, partly forgetting my real surroundings.
(Hour and a half after taking the tab)
But then the vibe grew exponentially. The feeling of being in a different realm than usual began to be extremely strong Ė I was no longer able to think straight. Every second that passed brought a whole new reality, but before I could relate to it, try to understand it or at least look around, another reality came in the next one. It was like slices of thousands of trippy dimensions stacking randomly on top of each other in matter of splits of a second. I forgot where I was. I couldnít no longer figure out how I got to the spot, what I did the day before, what was to live a normal life. I couldnít remember what normal life was. The information in form of words still emerged in my brain, but without any emotion, image or relation. I was trapped in the moment, flowing recklessly with it Ė there were no other possibilities.
(Two hours after taking the tab)
The visual hallucinations got to a state of me reconstructing the visible, not only connecting patterns, but moving it. Changing the shape. I looked at the stars and they were randomly running around the sky, zooming in and out. Everything I glimpsed from this point was living, moving and reacting to my existence Ė all absolutely indistinguishable from reality. Shape, color, velocityÖ all together in a fraction of a second melted and shifted, as another fraction came.
From this point I canít recall the events very clearly, because my sober mind is unable to perceive what started to happen with my conscious, the trip was too strong. About tens of times stronger than the first one I had two years ago.
(Two and a half hours after taking the tab)
My mind was lost. I had nothing to hold on to. My whole perception of reality in a freefall. I started to have physical hallucinations. The tips of my fingers no longer felt as a part of my body, like someone cut off the synapses that took care of them. My whole humanness narrowed to my mind only. I couldnít feel myself anymore. Just like we forget a thought we wanted to say few seconds ago - I experienced that with most of my senses. I forgot to feel.
My consciousness was so overloaded and lost that my brain started to forget taking care of my body. Seconds in which I touched my face and felt nothing. And then, instead of a touch, I felt a taste. But not with my tongue, simply with my consciousness. When I watered my mouth and played with my tongue a little, I realized it disappeared. I forgot what taste feels like to my mouth. I grabbed a water bottle. The hand grasped it successfully, but I didnít feel it. Looking at the bottle and holding it tightly with my hands only made something like a tickle in the middle of my brain. The shape of it constantly shifted. I took a sip, and the second the water started pouring into my mouth, I couldnít taste it. I didnít feel my tongue. After I swallowed, the water didnít go down my throat. It disappeared, right behind the place where my tongue used to sit. There was no throat. There was no me.
(Three hours after taking the tab)
I started to doubt there was even something like the Ąnormal sober realityď. It was like something I heard about, but had no idea what should it be. I felt like my real life happened some really long time before, a few years maybe. I didnít recall anything, only words came up in my mind from time to time Ė for example my name, which I was trying to repeat to reassure who I am and not forget. I got scared. My senses were disappearing, reappearing and transforming. I was terrified that my brain will be damaged for good, that I lost the normal cooperation between my mind and body - which is absolutely natural in normal state for all of us, and there is no way to feel it. But now I realized it can be separated. And it got separated. I was free.
Like a newborn baby. Thatís exactly how I felt. I was new to a world Iíve never seen before, same as my own me. I didnít know how a human works. I had to learn how to process what I see, what I hear, what I touch. I had to try understand what signals is it giving me and how to sort them out in my head to make a proper reaction. Time kind of stopped existing, knowing I have a never ending amount of this. The actual clock went so slow it seemed as days and days going by. I was trying to understand the feeling and just relax and glide with it, but when I got too relaxed, I feared I would never return to the original space and time again.
(Three and a half hours after taking the tab)
I pushed myself to stand up and start walking in the middle of a field at night, with only the moon illuminating my path. I thought it could be a good way to make my mind finally understand that the living ME still exists, breathes and walks. And it worked out well. As I was coming back to the safe spot and back out in the fields again, I began to experience something like my own life line. My life in this realm, the only real one I had left. A campfire in a crater-like structure with about 25 meters in diameter became my home. A base camp, like in some RPG game. There was a world out there, and a safe place right here, with my friend taking care of the fire. I could only remember things that happened since I got in the trippy state Ė it was the only life I knew, and it felt as days, maybe weeks old. I had a home, a friend being there with me, an outside world full of crazy ass sceneries that looked like the most beautiful landscapes Iíve ever seen, constantly flowing and changing the height of their horizons, and only thing I still got the chance to do was perfecting my perception of reality and being more united with it.
(Four hours after taking the tab)
I wanted to learn how to work with this feeling rather than fighting it. I gained skills in calming myself down and being able to relax, with every minute. It was extremely difficult though, at times I thought I canít take it no more. But my mind endured well and never succumbed, even in times of almost panicking, even after I realized a horrible thing Ė there is nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Once you start to refuse and throw yourself in despair, thereís no way to help you. When youíre wasted? Water, throwing up, laying on the floor and youíre good to go. Overly high? Pretty much the same thing. But this. This bullshit is in your mind Ė not only itís in your mind, itís YOU. Itís a part of your realm. Maybe calling an ambulance to get a transfusion? Wouldnít work. Itís stuck in your neurons, not in your blood. Once you refuse, youíre fucked. Thatís why I learned how to relax and observe it with a little clearer mind, not focusing on things happening to my body that drove me insane.
(Five hours after taking the tab plus, from this point the heaviest hallucinations started to wash away slowly, they finally did about 8 hours after I took the tab)
And to be honest Ė that was when I got to FREEDOM. My mind unleashed, set free from my physical substance. But guess what Ė it does not feel good. Itís not fucking natural for humans to live this way Ė we were born a species that works as a tight symbiosis between mental and physical. Once your arms, legs, mouth, tongue, lungs, air in your lungs, your heart, intestines, ability to touch, taste or accommodate your eye disappear, part of your soul disappears. Our natural bodies are our freedom Ė our home.
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