Citation: GAS_MAN. "Shock Therapy Balls Out Tripping: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp108952)". Erowid.org. Nov 25, 2017. erowid.org/exp/108952
I recently attended (4) Ayahuasca ceremonies at [a retreat] out of Iquitos Peru. I kept a journal of all four of my ceremonies. This was my first time experiencing this astounding medicine. I went there for some help that I wasn't receiving thru western capitalistic driven medicine. I suffer from all four of the major afflictions Ayahuasca is known to treat (Addiction, anxiety, depression, PTSD).
Ceremony #1: (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR).... Oh well, Here it comes, ready or not. We were gathered in the maloka (Ceremony building). One of the Facilitators was giving us our orientation (very pretty girl, had blonde hair, long legs and nice butt - reminded me of my wife when we first met). Believe it or not, I forced myself to keep my thoughts clean, I've worked six months getting ready for this.
They all smoke these hand rolled cigarettes of Peruvian tobacco called machapo. It is very strong but has no additives. She said you need to smoke these things and blow the smoke all over yourself for protection. I raised my hand and explained that I have emphysema and haven't been using my inhalers as instructed in preparation for Ayahuasca usage. Also I'm an ex-smoker/nicotine addict. She said you're not supposed to inhale. (Oh great, I get to act like Bill Clinton.) Also everyone has a bottle of Florida water. It is a watered down cologne of some sort. Doesn't smell bad but doesn't appeal to me either. The street guide back in Iquitos told me I needed this stuff so I had mine as well. You splash this stuff over your head and rub it everywhere you can. Also pre-ceremony you take a floral bath. The local women put various flower petals/leaves in buckets of river water. You take it down by the river, put your intentions into it and pour it over your head and entire body and then sit on the deck and let it dry. You don't try to remove any of it if you can. We are to gather back in the maloka @ 18:30.
OK, We're all in the maloka. It is very quiet and serious. They are setting up 3 candles in the center. They are also burning some type of wood incense. It is now dark outside. I see someone coming with a flashlight. It is the Shamans (Siler, Guillermo and Carlita. Siler (Head Shaman) is dressed in ceremony clothes (Noble looking robe). Carlita also has on nice ceremony clothes. Guillermo has on his regular clothes (he is actually Siler's teacher, he walks with a limp. They have a special chair he sits in. Siler and Carlita sit/lay on mats like everyone else).
John (one of the facilitators) takes his place near the Shamans and calls out the first person to come for their medicine. Oh shit, This is serious stuff! Oh well, others have been smoking their mapacho. I light mine and start blowing smoke on myself as best as I can. Stuff is very harsh. Bad Gary (My negative side) wants to inhale to feel the nicotine rush but I don't give in, puff enough to cover myself and then put the stinking thing out. I splash the Florida water over myself (WHEN IN ROME). John finally calls out my name. I get up off my mat and I feel myself shaking. Do I really want to do this shit??? I sit down in front of John. The Shamans are watching me. John looks at me and smiles. He pours me a full shot and hands it to me. I am shaking and afraid I will spill it. I ask if it is OK to knock on the glass (for permission). He laughs and says 'Sure, Are you trying to wake her up?' Actually I just wanted to be as humble and polite as possible. You are supposed to put your intentions into the Ayah glass. Mine were; Please heal me, Please cleanse me, Please love me. I already had a bad taste in my mouth from the machapo. Oh well, moment of truth. Closed my eyes and threw back the shot. Got most of it but some still in the glass. I turned it up again and got it all. Tasted like burnt coffee/bitter thin syrup of sort. Gag reflexes could have clicked in but they didn't. John looked me in the eyes and smiled and said 'Enjoy the trip brother'. I shakily got up, smiled and returned to my mat. The point of no return had been passed.
Well, the candles were blown out and we sat/laid on our mats silently in the dark and waited for the medicine to kick in. I was a bit nervous and my mouth tasted somewhat bad from the machapo and the Ayah. I didn't rinse out (you can't drink any water but you can rinse) because I wanted to taste/feel it all. After what seemed to be about 15 minutes I could feel something coming on. The air was coming alive with some sort of energy. I could sense a rhythm in the space. Slight colored geometric patterns started appearing. I felt a slight bit of nausea coming on. Was it nerves or was it actually the medicine? The Shamans then started to make some sort of swishing sound. Then they made a sigh/yawning sound. It was kind of eerie. Then they came on with a combined singing that was a bit unsettling. Suddenly 'UGG-BER-RCK!!!' Some poor bastard just heaved his guts out. The singing intensified. Then someone on the other side retched loudly as well. Oh shit. Here we go, this is what I signed up for??? People started purging all around. The sound made me want try to purge but Beth had said not to force it. It will come when the time was right. Well the Ayah really started to kick in. I was feeling quite nauseous and wishing that I wasn't there (Counterproductive).
Then I became aware that there were strange beings all around me. They weren't trying to harm me, They were just really checking me out. The next thing I knew they were passing thru space into my head. Oh Fuck! This is too much. I start to get scared and they start to reflect the fear as well. Then I remember that Mother Ayah actually loves me and is here to help/heal me. By now I'm in the fetal position. I remember to breathe and try to calm back down. They start calming down as well. I realize that I'm not in Kansas anymore (Wizard of OZ). I am in control of myself and how I behave directly affects how they behave. OK, they are here to to help me. Lay back, stay calm, Let them do what they need to do. I had layers of beautiful strands of color on crystallized wires that were connected in various weaves and shapes (my mind). There were also different vibrations and sounds emitting from them. The creatures/helper spirits looked like dragon flies with mosquito like faces.
The creatures/helper spirits looked like dragon flies with mosquito like faces.
They had beautiful colors. They also had an army of smaller helpers of all sorts of shapes and sizes. They were all rearranging things and re-tuning the sounds. I could tell that they knew what they were doing and actually they liked what they were doing to help/heal me. I was no longer afraid and just decided to lay back and watch them.
Next I was brought back to the scene going on in the maloka. The Shamans were really into their songs. It was sheer madness going on. People were retching/purging, laughing, crying, moaning. Then the singing took on a different tone. It sounded like the Shaman was also going to purge (Just writing this I almost heaved. That would sure startle the poor guy sitting next to me here in the airport **I wrote about this in segments post ceremony **). Suddenly, I know I better grab my purge bucket. 'OOOH-RAAA-CHUUUSHHH' I puked/retched like I was vomiting/shitting (thru my mouth) all the bad/negative shit inside me. It seemed to go on forever and then I could finally breath. God Damn, I hope that was it. Oh Shit!!! Here we go again, repeat of above but when finished, a feeling of relief that words can't describe. God Damn, that took a lot of of me. I'm feeling relieved but very drained. I then hear Amy (a guest) crying. She is very scared. She is very loudly saying she doesn't like this and to please make it stop. We were told beforehand that there would be difficult times and to stay put on your mattress and try to be quiet. The Shamans just kept singing. I saw the facilitators heading towards her (red lens flashlights) and I knew she had Ed (her boyfriend) next to her for support. Ed was retching very loudly. He was purging as well. I then became very grateful that Stan (my son) did not come with me. I did this to myself, Thank God I didn't have Stan to worry about here. It would have been too much for me....
I decided to follow directions, I got back in the fetal position and just rolled with the punches. I felt like I was being sucked into some sort of time tunnel. Next thing I know there was complete silence. I was no longer in my body. There were just symbols, vibrations, different types of hieroglyphs. Son-Of-a-Bitch. I have finally managed to kill myself. Oh Fuck, you were told to be careful what you wish for. This went on for what seemed to be eternity. I realized how much I really missed/loved my family and previous life. This place isn't bad but I would really like to go back to living/reality. Next thing I know, Someone is touching me. I'm brought back to the madness of the maloka. This is a welcome madness. Sweet Jesus! I get another chance! The person touching me was John the facilitator. He has his red flashlight. He asks if I am ready to go for my songs. He held out his hand to help me up. I told him I was OK. I was absolutely soaked in sweat. I couldn't have gotten up without his help. His firm grasp and helping support gave me some very needed confidence. He got me standing and we started to head towards the Shamans. Suddenly I almost tripped, My pants had fallen down around my ankles. John helped me pull them back up. I was literally 'Balls out tripping'. John supported me all the way over to the mats in front of the Shamans. It seemed like a hundred yards. I just laid on my side. Praying that I wouldn't start purging in front of them (like they haven't seen that before).
They started to sing over me and I felt very drained but I knew I was VERY SAFE. Their songs cleansed and comforted me in ways I just can't describe in words. When my songs were complete, John took me back to my mat. He said to me 'Your'e doing well brother'. I just might survive this madness after all. Well, the purging, crying, laughing etc. were still going full tilt around me. I was back in my body for good for now. Slowly I regained some strength and coherency. The Shamans kept singing their songs. These people are Super Human. How on earth can they keep going like they do no matter what goes down? Slowly the overall scene starts to go back to somewhat normalcy. The singing finally stops, Siler says the ceremony is over. Kimara (Facilitator) lights (3) candles and places them in the center of the maloka. I look around and see some very exhausted people. Some also look like they actually enjoyed this. Then the atmosphere is like it has been recharged. People are laughing together, going for a piece of fruit or drinking water. Someone purges for a last time to the right of me. I don't look to see who it was. Do I really want to do this again? CAN I DO THIS AGAIN? I look at one of the candles and a beautiful rainbow appears over top of it.
You know what they say about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (you gotta do the work to find it). Momma Ayah works in mysterious ways. Let me sleep on this and make my decision tomorrow....
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