Citation: TRCee. "It Was Simply Too Much: An Experience with MDMA (exp109136)". Erowid.org. Mar 1, 2017. erowid.org/exp/109136
||(powder / crystals)
This is a report on the differences of American MDMA and European MDMA since I experienced both within a month.
I recently went to Los Angeles to visit friends where I had my first experience with MDMA. A month later, when I was back in Europe, I rolled again with a couple friends. The differences between US and European MDMA turned out to be severe, which is why I’m writing this. I had a really bad experience so if anyone is used to US MDMA and comes to Europe to roll, please read and be aware.
The first time I ever rolled was in July 2016, in California at a music festival. My LA friend of 6 years (whom I trust with my life and has rolled countless times before) got us capsules with 200mg MDMA crystals each. The guy she’s been getting the drugs from for years makes them himself, so I knew we were good.
We took them at around 5:30pm, then took half a pressed pill (Superball) each at around 8:00–8:30pm. Like I said, it was my first time, and it was absolutely magical. I got really sick at first because we were inside a tent and it was super hot because it was about a 100 degrees out. But once the sickness passed (I didn’t throw up) I felt amazing. It lasted for about 2–3 hours, and the pressed pill added another 3 hours of feeling euphoric and happy and empathic. We remembered to drink a lot of water, and had a lot of gum obviously. We didn’t have any complications, so all in all you could say my first roll was a success and I LOVED it.
I went back to Europe 2 weeks later. Knowing I would go to see a show in Germany in August with some friends, I mentioned once that I would love to get some MDMA for the festival. My friend said her friend had some that he got off the Dark Net (first red flag) but he’s a chemical laboratory assistant and tested it. She also said he took 200mg when he went to a festival in Switzerland. So of course we trusted him that the MDMA was perfectly safe.
And safe it was. But what we didn’t realize was that he snorted it and how much of a difference that made. Since I had 200mg in the States, I figured I could start off with 190mg here and then redose 2–3 hours later with 80mg. For my friend, who would roll for the first time, we’d planned 160mg for the first, 60mg for the second dose. (I measured them myself but I am 100% sure it was right, we tested the capsules with 2 different scales so each capsule contained exactly the amount that we intended.) I even asked my LA friend to make sure what we wanted to do would be safe. She reassured me that it sounded like a good plan because essentially we’d take 1.5 pills each.
We got to the festival’s camping site at around 11am. We stayed there until 5pm, eating light and drinking lots of water and gatorade. We split a banana before we went over to the festival because the potassium is supposed to be helpful too.
We took the capsules at 6:45pm. It was a 104 degrees out so we decided to wait for the sun to start going down. The first effect came exactly 45 minutes later. Feelings of euphoria and lightness, and just the typical ecstasy high. It was amazing – for like 10 minutes. Then it got really bad really fast.
It was amazing – for like 10 minutes. Then it got really bad really fast.
I don’t remember every little detail but what I remember was horrible. At first I was getting extremely lightheaded, like more than last time. I was extremely dizzy and could barely stand up. My eyesight started getting terribly bad; I saw triple and everything was jittery. My pupils were literally jumping around on my eyeballs, my jaw clenched so bad I couldn’t control it even with gum. I couldn’t keep my eyes open because I got sick because everything was moving, even the floor, and I’m pretty sure I was hallucinating too. We sat down, I laid my head between my legs, closed my eyes and all I could think was „Fuck. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.“ Like, I literally thought I was dying. We kept drinking water, my sober friend was taking care of us. My other friend who was rolling for the first time threw up through her nose. I didn’t throw up but I was feeling really bad.
I panicked and decided to text my LA friend (the one I’ve known for 6 years) because I knew she has a lot of experience with MDMA. I kept texting „it was bad, I feel like shit, fuck, it was too much“, and she told me to get away from the crowds and try to calm down. I panicked even more so I called her (my eyesight was way too fucked to text at this point). I wanted to cry but couldn’t because of the serotonin high in my body. I kept saying her name over and over again on the phone followed by „this is so bad, I feel like shit, I’m scared“ and she told me that she didn’t think it was bad, just really strong, and that she’s had friends roll that hard before, it was nothing more than a really intense roll and I should just try to breathe, close my eyes, and wait for it to pass. Then she had to hang up because she was walking into work; she told me she loved me and I would be ok. And when she told me that I was gonna be ok, I knew I would be. In that moment those words helped so much. She hung up and I kept sitting there. My friend who was also rolling kept telling me she’s feeling better already and I would feel better in a bit and it’d pass eventually. They comforted me until the worst part was over.
It felt like hours but initially it was about 15–25 minutes (according to my friends). When the horror trip was over I felt extremely good. The jaw clenching was horrible though and it was impossible to eat the next day because I was in so much pain. The two of us went through 5 packs of gum that night. I don’t think I need to mention that I didn’t need a second dose. The 190mg lasted me all night and I swear to God I was still rolling a bit 2 days later. It’s been 3 days and I still feel very lightheaded and dizzy, and my vision still hasn’t gone back to normal.
I mean, the actual roll turned out to be amazing. I took so many videos of myself and my eyes look fucked up (I literally look high as a kite it’s hilarious) but I did feel extremely good once the worst part was over. The only thing is that I still feel dizzy days later to the point where I have to stay home from work. It was definitely way too much.
Now, I know we did everything right – we started hydrating early with water and gatorade, had no or barely any alcohol (only a few sips of rosé and none after 3pm), took magnesium supplements, had light food all day – except for the fact that it was simply too much
. There were a couple factors that added up to us ending up having a bad start:
1) since my first roll was amazing on 200mg I didn’t realize that this dose was considered high in Europe. My LA friend told me European MDMA would probably be stronger and more pure which is why I did slightly less, but I didn’t think it would be THAT much stronger.
2) My friend’s friend who got us the MDMA took 200mg for his first roll ever, and he was fine. I knew snorting it would lessen the effect but I had NO idea how much.
3) I would say the heat also contributed to the disaster. Like I said, it was 104 degrees. We did drink lots of water though and waited until the sun went down. But still.
4) I loved my first roll back in LA so much that I was really scared I wouldn’t feel it if I didn’t take enough. That was a foolish and stupid risk to take only for a good roll. Do NEVER do that. If you take stuff for the first time, START SMALL. This might be common sense among regular users. But I was new to it and I was just really amazed by this feeling and wanted to feel it again at all cost.
5) What could have also contributed to my personal horror trip was the fact that my brain lacks serotonin to begin with and that my last roll was only 4 weeks prior to this one. Which was dumb, I know that.
In the future I will definitely start small, probably with capsules around 60–90mg. It was such a horrible feeling in the beginning, I hope I never experience this again. I will still roll, because I love it so much, but I’ll start small and I’ll give my brain enough time to recover after each roll (3+ months). I just really hope none of you will ever come this close to feeling like they’re dying of an overdose (which is hard I know but in this moment I really felt like this was it even though realistically I probably never was close to actually dying).
Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope I could help / educate at all.
Roll Safe, friends! :)
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