Citation: Alice. "To Infinity Beyond and Near Death: An Experience with AL-LAD, Cocaine & Cannabis (exp109160)". Erowid.org. Oct 3, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109160
Dosage: 450ug AL-LAD blotters, chewed for 30 minutes.
Prior Experiences: MDMA plenty of times, which is my drug of choice, cocaine, ETH-LAD 300ug, LSD, mushrooms, and weed. I had never had a ‘bad trip’ prior to this, but had some anxiety in the first couple hours after taking ETH-LAD once.
1.5 Hours Prior to Ingestion: I began the night of my trip with no intention on taking this substance that night. My boyfriend and I had acquired some cocaine and we were intending on using that all night. We both insufflated three lines of coke.
1 Hour Prior to Ingestion: Very little effects from the coke. We figured we got a bad batch. We were bummed but insufflated two more lines each.
Dosing: We were both bummed about the coke. We were a bit jittery, but no euphoria or other noticeable effects and so we decided we’d trip instead. We both took three blotters, totaling 450ug, and chewed them for about a half hour. The taste was no worse than other blotters, but the aftertaste lingers for days. I swore I was still tasting acid a week after all this. This was my first experience with AL-LAD and had heard it was much less intense than ETH-LAD, which I had no problems with at 300ug, so I thought 450ug would be appropriate dosing.
+00:15: Some jitteriness, and boosted energy. No noticeable visions or hallucinations yet.
+00:30: Definitely feeling a lot of boosted energy and we decided to go for a walk. Colors are brighter now and the yellows and reds of being indoors is irritating me. Walking outside into the night immediately gets rid of the irritation.
+00:45: Some enlightened mood at this point. The world is beginning to distort as colors merge with one another and twist. Less “colorful” than ETH-LAD and more geometric patterns.
+01:00: I begin getting a bad stomach ache at this point. It was a mixture of feeling like I had to vomit and feeling like I had to poop really bad. I often vomit when taking psychedelics, but had never had a stomach ache this bad without intense nausea to accompany it. We headed back to the apartment at this point so I could use the bathroom. Lots of intense colors, and my mind is starting to “float” as I lose some grasp of logic.
+01:15: My stomach ache is intense at this point. I can describe it as nothing else than feeling like there was a knife stabbing me inside my own body. It felt like my digestive tract was filled end to end with intense, pressuring diarrhea that would not come out as hard as I strained. It really felt like there was a knife inside me, stabbing me.
+01:30: I try and take my mind off my stomach, as difficult as it is. My mind is starting to truly float away now, and I’m having difficulty understanding anything my boyfriend is trying to say. I’m having a lot of anxiety because my stomach is in incredible pain and I don’t understand much of what’s going on at all. The visions were still incredibly geometric still, but I wasn’t focused much on them because of everything else. The visions were much prettier on ETH-LAD, where there was much more bursting color than geometrics. I tell my boyfriend I need some space and walk out on the deck. I smoked some weed (moonrocks) out of a pipe because I thought it might help my stomach (I occasionally smoke to help stomach aches) and I was hoping it might put me in a more familiar state of mind. I was much more calm at the end of this time, and it would be the last moment of sanity I’d have for the rest of the night.
+02:00: I’ve gradually lost control of the understanding of the entire world. I cannot comprehend time at all and begin obsessing over how long the trip would last, as I can’t comprehend well that the trip would eventually subside.
Imagine sanity is a woven fabric, with small fibers creating strings, which are woven into threads, which are woven into a fabric, and each tiny fiber is a neuron in your brain that helps you identify the next fiber, and thus interact the entire plane of fabric around you and understand it. If sanity was woven fabric, during this time, each of the tiniest fibers that made up the fabric of my sanity was unraveled and expelled in every direction
each of the tiniest fibers that made up the fabric of my sanity was unraveled and expelled in every direction
away from each other. I could not understand how one thing interacted with another. I could not understand how to function. I begin to panic.
+2:15: I tell my boyfriend I really want to call 911 right now, and I am having a panic attack and my stomach is in incredible pain. I am terrified at this moment. He tries to calm me down and tells me to take a shower and maybe it would help. I step into the shower for maybe 20 seconds before the true panic, the terrified panic sets in. I tell him to call an ambulance right now or else I will go into his apartment hallway and beg someone else to call. He tells me I just need to calm down or else we’ll both get into trouble.
At this point, I do not know what was real and what wasn’t because my boyfriend insists some of the things that followed here did not happen. I remember running to my phone so I could call an ambulance myself, but he grabbed my phone and wouldn’t let me call. I am begging him to give me my phone or call. I could not understand his words now so I don’t know why he didn’t. I run for his apartment door to get help, but he grabs me, picks me up, and pins me down. I literally think my boyfriend is trying to kill me right now, and I’m screaming, “This is how I die! This is how I die!”
+2:30: After getting free of my boyfriend, I run into the hallway and scream, “I need help! I need help!” Of course, some people pop their heads out. This is a long, long hallway and this made the trip worse. I felt like it was an infinite hallway that never ended. My mind started fixating on “infinity” and my long, lost sense of time fully turned off, and it was some time in this phase that I was convinced that I had already died at some point earlier in the trip, and this was hell. I would be stuck in this hell forever. I thought I would be trapped in my hallucinating mind for all of eternity.
Since I was already dead (in my mind), I just said “fuck it” and started acting completely bonkers. My “I need help!” turned into me running up and down the hallway begging for someone to shoot me, screaming, “I’ve gone insane! I’ve gone insane! Please someone get a gun!”
+3:00ish: I’m not sure about when all this part happened as it felt like literal years before the cops showed up. I think I was in the hallway about 20-30 minutes before they got there, but I can’t be sure. I do not get handcuffed, but I literally brawled with the cops (in any capacity that a 140lb girl can) trying to get away. They are holding me in custody until ambulance. After the brawl, I sit down in a chair nearby and put my hands behind my head. This was a moment of calm for me, of beautiful colors, and of everything a trip should be. No anxiety, but alone with beautiful colors and intense imagination capabilities. If only four cops weren’t there too, it would have been so nice in that moment.
+3:15: I start going crazy again in the ambulance and again begging them to shoot me. I start thinking my “eternity” is going to be a series of “rooms” or “episodes” in which I cannot escape, but rather I’d be taken from “episode” to “episode” whenever the demons around me allow me. The first episode was the hallway, then the room with the cops, then the ambulance. I hallucinated that one of the paramedics had a gun and I grabbed for it.
+3:45: When I arrive at the hospital, they pump me with Valium and I immediately feel much better. I still have a hard time understanding people and what’s going on, but I now realize I’m not trapped in an eternal hell. My reactions are very slow to people’s questions. The visuals are still very present and the hospital room is warped, but it’s dark so it’s calming.
+4:15: I’d pretty much call the trip “over” at this point. The visuals were still present but the confusion and mind fuck had gone. It was at this point the doctors told me when I came in that my heart rate was at 210bpm, and said had I not come to the hospital that I could have very easily had a heart attack. The blood flowing to my internal organs was also incredibly restricted and could have caused organ failure had they not pumped me with something to ease blood flow and decrease restriction. The official diagnosis was “polysubstance abuse”. But I’m not sure. Would I have had the same reaction without the cocaine and weed? I really can’t be sure.
Aftermath: I was still seeing visuals for almost a full 12 hours after dosing. I was worried I might have gotten HPPD since that can often happen after a bad trip. I think I do have mild HPPD, as any substance I take, even alcohol and weed, the world is now a bit more colorful than it used to be. It’s been five months now. Light is very irritating if I’m intoxicated now.
Overall though, I’m just glad I didn’t get arrested. I do have a very bad phobia with long hallways now and have previously gone into a “trance” in long hallways where I was temporarily disoriented and very anxious. It could be PTSD, but not sure. It will be a very long time, if ever, I take psychedelics again, and if I do, I’m going to have Xanax on hand.
Summation: I experienced extreme mind fuck, extreme anxiety leading to a panic attack, extreme disorientation and hallucinations. The colors on AL-LAD are mild compared to ETH-LAD, and visuals are more geometric patterns than bursting colors. It may have also directly caused the vascular constriction to my internal organs (that caused the intense stomach ache) which could have led to organ failure. I do not personally recommend this substance.
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