Citation: InnerExplorer. "The Drop Rejoining the Ocean: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp109223)". Erowid.org. Jan 2, 2017. erowid.org/exp/109223
Intravenous 5-MeO-DMT - The Drop Rejoining the Ocean
I had spent a great deal of time studying other people's experiences with 5-MeO-DMT, finding reports which told stories of incredible bliss and others which told of literal near-death including cessation of breathing and loss of consciousness. This great variability in the reports led me to proceed with great caution and respect for this medicine. I had a feeling that I was supposed to work with this teacher at some point, but the moment in which that was to happen seemed unclear. It came into my possession shortly after my research had begun and it sat in my drawer for some time. In preparation, I reflected on what I wished to achieve with the experience. I wished to understand death, to experience god, and to release myself from the prisons I had constructed for myself in my mind. I also concluded that I would ease my way into working with this medicine rather than jumping straight into a breakthrough dose.
On a Friday I was feeling lost and forlorn. A feeling that had been lingering at the back of my mind for about a week at this point. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what was going on, but I felt that each day I was doing the personal work that needed to be done in order to continue moving through the space as well as allowing it to be. However, on this Friday, I felt a calling to microdose the 5MD (I will be referring to 5-MeO-DMT this way for the remainder of the report). I weighed out 5mg on my scale and put it under my tongue, which I kept there for about half an hour before swallowing. What followed was a very gentle mood lift. I didn't feel like anything had significantly changed, but I was given a very small opportunity to change how I was thinking. Although I still felt some of the depression, I was able to be with it in a more present way. I felt that I was given the strength to turn towards it and have compassion for what I was experiencing. As such, I was better able to act in a way that mitigated the depression. The day ended up being wonderful, ending with a reunion with a person that I think is budding into a wonderful friendship.
I awoke early on Saturday morning to a peaceful rain falling outside my window. The sky was a mystical gray and everything was peaceful. As I lay in my bed, I again felt the calling to be with the 5MD. At first, I felt a fear around it. I wondered to myself what that fear was about. A fear of the unknown and a great respect for the power of this medicine. Going through this process, I came to the conclusion that this was, in fact, the right time. My state of mind was clear and I felt ready to go slowly into this work. I had the whole day to myself and no commitments until the following afternoon.
My state of mind was clear and I felt ready to go slowly into this work. I had the whole day to myself and no commitments until the following afternoon.
I began by meditating and praying by my altar, asking the four directions for guidance and safety on my journey. Then I weighed out 4mg of 5MD on my scale, loaded it into a glass bulb pipe (oil burner/meth style pipe) and heated it up. I would like to note here that this is 5MD HCl and therefore may have affected the way this medicine vaporized. It took a bit longer than NNDMT Freebase would but eventually I saw the vapors filling the bulb and took them in. I held the hit for 10 seconds, setting my intention while I waited, and exhaled. It was not the same kind of rush that NNDMT provides. The world did not explode into fractals or strange geometries, nor did I feel 'strange'. I was at home, and I was only getting closer to home. I was filled with peace and bliss. All was well. I could feel the medicine filling my body, scanning for tensions and energetic blockages. After 10-15 minutes had passed, I loaded 6mg into the pipe and vaporized that as well, bringing the total medicine consumed to about 10mg. Once again, there was a wave of bliss and an energetic field coursing through my body. As I lay down to allow this to unfold, I could feel a purge coming on. When I purged, I felt wonderfully cleansed of all the negativity that I had been holding onto. I felt lighter, and so thankful. I sat there, looking into the trash can at the shadow which had been obscuring my light. It was a more physical process, but the emotional attachment was there. It was at this point that I felt another calling. Try the medicine intravenously.
I had not considered this route of administration before, but I had a strong feeling that this was the right way for me to take the medicine. My association with needles has only been positive and in the use of administrating psychedelic medicines so I carry a sacred association with them. I lit sandalwood incense and put on a playlist of music I have been putting together over time for trips before gathering the injecting supplies. As my milligram scale is not accurate for anything below 5mg, I knew I would not be able to weigh out the 3mg or less dose I was planning on taking. I sterilized all my utensils and weighing dish with isopropyl alcohol. Then I weighed out 7mg on the scale, drew up 1cc (or ml) of purified, sterile water into the syringe, and added it to the powder. The powder dissolved very quickly and easily. My plan was to inject .4cc's which would come to a total of 2.8mg (7/10 = .7 and .7*4 = 2.8), just below the highest dose tested in this ROA by Shulgin (3mg).
I felt quite relaxed as I found the vein on the first try, got the flag, and began to carefully inject, watching to make sure I did not pass my mark of .4cc's. After just injecting .2cc's I was already beginning to feel a slight tryptamine buzz, almost like prickles of electricity building up at the back of my skull. I had no problem maintaining focus to finish the injection (remember, this was not emptying the whole barrel), removing the needle, putting the cap back on, and laying down. The moment I laid down, I was feeling one of the most rapid come-ons I had ever experienced. The electric buzz starting at the base of my skull or brain stem moved forward through my brain, intoxication and loss of motor control increasing until it reached the pre-frontal cortex. There was an ever-increasing dissociation matched with a string of thoughts: 'What the fuck have you just done?' 'Can you believe you just injected yourself with that?' 'Maybe something has gone wrong.' 'Maybe you overdosed.' 'You've really done it this time.' There was nothing to do but trust and surrender, because there was no one there to verify anything.
In the midst of my confused terror, I was simultaneously filled with some of the greatest bliss I have ever experienced in my life. I let go and accepted. I released into the bliss, and was shown what was holding me back. I was filled with the greatest love. I was shown all the moments that I had shared that infinite love with others and then shown all the times I had not. All the people I had hurt, and all the people I would hurt because I would now be dead. There were no tears, but I said 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' I was sorry for the pain that I had caused, I was sorry for leaving before finishing my work here. I was sorry I didn't fulfill everything that I meant to fulfill. Then I thought about my family and friends, the people that had all cared for me and been present for me along my journey. 'I love you. I love you.' I said. And then, this is as far as symbolic language can describe, I merged with God. I was in the eternal energetic ocean, the energy that fills all living beings. The vibrations of my karma rippled out and were lost in the vastness of this energy. We are all one, and we are part of this incredible ocean of Love. I was reminded where I came from. I muttered 'how could I have forgotten?' Tears streamed down my face. I was going to die now, and I had not realized this Love until now, and it was too late. I accepted this, and in the moment I did, I suddenly was given the sensation that no, I was not going to die.
The tears continued, stronger now. I felt so thankful. Thankful for the experience, for the opportunity to be alive. They weren't tears of relief. They were tears of realization. I was no longer afraid to die. I laid down in my bed, my left arm stretched out, hanging over the edge of the bed towards the window. 'Thank you,' I said. In that instant, the clouds in the sky parted and a sunbeam lit up my hand. It was no hallucination. I could feel the heat of the sun, and felt strongly that this was a sign from God. This was a direct communication. Always be thankful. Remember your eternal connection to everything. Everything is God.
My mission in life was clear now. I had chosen this life to help others come to know this truth. To know the bliss of existence. I was here to help guide others to liberation and to ascend to greater existence. I could see ways in which I had helped people communicate with Source, to know its existence. There was still much more for me to do, but I knew that I was on the right path. The waves of bliss continued as I became gradually more aware of my body. I felt the most positive impressions fill my mind and spirit. All energy was cleared. I was in total awe.
At this point, I had strong urges to run and tell someone about what I had just experienced.
At this point, I had strong urges to run and tell someone about what I had just experienced.
I worried that I would forget. I allowed these thoughts to pass and focused on staying with this momentary bliss. I focused on how I wanted to move forward in my life, how I wanted to conduct myself and how I wanted my relationship with my body to be. I committed myself to taking care of my body and working to listen to it. It is what enables me to carry out my work here and if I don't take care of it, my abilities to help others will be limited and thus I will shortchange myself and my potential.
I am sure that as time goes on and I continue to reflect upon this experience, I will remember more aspects of it. I will most likely have flashbacks to this experience as I go forward in life, in the same way that you might remember something wise your friend told you that sticks with you for the rest of your life. I would consider this among the most powerful and important psychedelic experiences of my life. I have experienced many entheogens at various doses and am considered by many to be a seasoned psychonautic voyager and healer. This medicine is not to be taken lightly. It should not be taken if one is not committed to surrendering completely to the experience nor if one does not feel, in some capacity, willing to experience rebirth in the fullest sense of that word.
Following the experience, I am filled with a deep inner peace regarding the path I am walking in this life. I am accepting of the work that I will need to continue doing on myself going forward. I have faith in myself and I trust the process. There will be ups and downs. There will be doubts and confusion. But through it all, there is always Love. And the very fact of existing is one of the greatest testaments to that love. It is right Here. Right Now.
I feel incredibly blessed to have had this experience and hope that the positive impressions received will radiate outwards to many many souls along my journey.
I love you.
Love and Blessings Always and Forever.
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