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Intense Beauty and Reflection
Citation:   LaoTzu. "Intense Beauty and Reflection: An Experience with MDMA (exp109382)". Erowid.org. Nov 6, 2019. erowid.org/exp/109382

120 mg oral MDMA
This report comes the day after my first experience with MDMA. I wanted to share my experience because I would of found it helpful to know at least somewhat what to expect during the come up.

Setting: The entirety of the experience took place in my house with my partner. We have a small sunny flat in a nice rural neighborhood.

T+ 0:00 120mg orally on a complete empty stomach. Straight after taking the dose we started cleaning the house to take our mind off the anxiety of not knowing what to expect.

T+ 0:30 My partner she feels dizzy and decides to sit down, I continue cleaning.

T+ 0:45 I start to feel dizzy and anxious also and decide to take a seat. I call my best friend who has had many MDMA experiences and ask him if this intense anxiety and dizziness is normal. He confirms it is normal and just tells me to ride the wave. This reassures me. My partner suggests we go to the bedroom and lie down in the dark, I agree.

All of a sudden we are overcome with intense desire to make love. It felt like our bodies were physically connected, unable to tell where one begins and the other ends. The experience it short and intense only lasting about 20minutes ish.

T+ 1:10 Here is where things got hard to deal with. Lying down after the most amazing sex we may of ever had I start to feel incredibly nauseous, dizzy and a feeling that can only be described as intense. I tell my partner I might have to vomit and go grab a bucket. I sit on my bed over the bucket for what feels like an eternity but was more like 10-15 minutes. I feel like if I could just be free of this nauseous burden everything would be alright. The feeling intensifies making my whole body buzz and the world is spinning around me and I start to worry. I remember my friend saying just ride the wave and I just accept that this is where I am and how it is.
I remember my friend saying just ride the wave and I just accept that this is where I am and how it is.

T+ 1:25 All of a sudden the nausea starts to fade and the intensity is starting to be replaced with the most clean, sober and pure bliss I have ever felt. Immediately we start to make love again, this time even more intense than the first time. I am just about to cum and I cannot keep an erection. This frustrates me and I am so horny I end up finishing myself off.

T+ 2:00 This is where I started to peak, with the burden off nausea and desire to have sex lifted we are free to just experience. We move to the lounge sofa and turn the music up, we were listening to Raphael Saadiq. Every song feels like it was the right song and this is exactly where we are meant to be. Thinking is nearly impossible and we are completely present, nothing is obscured and I feel like I have seen the world clearly for the first time. I started to have many realizations.

My life of training martial arts to feel safe and tough is replaced with training for the love of training.
If a stranger was to come into my house they would be entitled to this love and share in the physical connectedness my partner and I are sharing.
Everything is as it is meant to be and if it is not then it is let go.
I realize every politician should have to experience this before they run for office so they can value life more.
The realizations were endless.

T+ 3:30 The smiles plastered on our faces soften and some songs don’t feel like the right song to be listened to. I look at my partner only to confirm that her face shows the same experience. We turn the music down and go to the bedroom, we lie down and cuddle for the next hour and start reflecting on the experience. Everything one of us explains the other shared that exact reflection.

T+ 4:30 A mild bliss still remains over us, we feel stripped bare like our minds have been scrubbed with harsh soap. We decide to put a movie on but no movie feels right so we chop and change until we find something not very intense. (Anthony Bourdains Parts Unknown).

T+ 6:30 We are tired and cannot sleep but we still feel a mild bliss and a vulnerability, we wouldn’t want to shared this with anyone else but each other. We spend the rest of the night in bed cuddling and kind of watching TV shows while falling in and out of consciousness.

The next morning we are drained but still feel good and the realizations are faded but still present. I hope to assimilate all that was learned into my daily life because life seems so simple and easy during the peak of the experience. I feel like everyone should experience this safely if possible. To never know this beauty and to never experience it explains many people I have met and to know it exists and never experience it seems like a crime.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 109382
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Nov 6, 2019Views: 647
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MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Sex Discussion (14), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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