You Are the Special
ALD-52 & Cannabis Edible
Citation: RR. "You Are the Special: An Experience with ALD-52 & Cannabis Edible (exp109540)". Erowid.org. Nov 24, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109540
||oral||Cannabis||(edible / food)|
|125 mg||sublingual||ALD-52||(blotter / tab)|
|BODY WEIGHT:||160 lb|
It was a tuesday, and I arrived at work normally. However, I was suddenly overcome with a feeling of wanting to trip that night. I thought about how I could time things out without having to take a day off work (we were currently in a crunch at work, taking off would not be a good career move). I decided that the best course of action would be to go home early and 'work from home' (not really working) and take the ALD-52 around 2pm, which would allow me to stop tripping by 12am-2am. Then I could get a decent amount of sleep and still go in to work the next day. I personally wasn't responsible for anything that difficult during the crunch, so I reasoned my work performance wouldn't be affected.
I ended up going with the plan and leaving work around 1pm. I came home, ate a burrito, and made some weed edibles. I wanted to see if the combination would be pleasurable, and if it would really increase the intensity of the trip as I had read about. In retrospect, this obviously would confound my experience with the ALD-52 a bit, but I figured it would be okay and I would mostly be able to separate out the effects. It took about an hour to make the weed crackers/nutella (very simple recipe).
Here's the recipe I used for the weed edibles:
-Preheat oven to 230 degrees fahrenheit
-Take about 1 bowl's worth of weed (.2-.4g estimated) and place into some aluminum foil, make sure not to double wrap at all
-Place the weed/foil wrap into a baking dish and bake for 15 minutes
-Take some crackers and spread nutella on them.
-When the weed is ready, take it out and preheat oven to 305 degrees fahrenheit.
-Take the weed out of the foil and crumble it up into the nutella.
-Smush the crackers together (imagine reversing how you would open an oreo) and place in aluminum foil, make sure not to double wrap at all.
-Once preheated, place the cracker/foil wrap in the oven for 20 minutes.
-Unwrap, wait a few minutes if it's too hot, and enjoy!
I like this method because it's really simple in terms of materials and efforts, takes under an hour to do, requires a very small amount of weed, and the precise dosage can be controlled.
T - 0:30
I ingested the edible. It was about 2:30pm right now. I thought I would give the edible and burrito some time to sit in my stomach so I don't get any bad nausea or anything. I usually experience some nausea/weird stomach feeling if I haven't eaten anything, so the eating was a prerequisite. I figured I would drop in about 30 minutes. I sit in front of the TV to wait, and start watching Mean Girls. I chose Mean Girls because I was actually feeling a bit horny, and wanted to see if I could have a crazy jacking off experience to that talent show scene where the girls dress up as sexy santas and perform a dance to 'jinglebell rock'.
T = 0:00 to + 1:00
I am in my home office, have my work virtual desktop up on the computer. I take out the ALD-52 blotters. I toy with the idea of taking 2 blotters instead of 1, but figure it would be best to start at a lower dose, especially because I will be alone while tripping and combining it with a weed edible.
So I take one of the blotters. They are 125 micrograms of ALD-52 each. I suck on it sublingually for a moment then chew it up and swallow it, as I am impatient and not really sure that it makes a difference how you ingest it orally.
best to start at a lower dose, especially because I will be alone while tripping and combining it with a weed edible.
Immediately after I take it, I get an IM from my co-worker asking me to do something for him in an hour. Shit. Luckily, it's nothing too complicated, so I get to work setting everything up for myself in advance so that all I have to do is click a few buttons and wait for a few minutes. It's all set up so I go back into the living room to continue watching the movie. I just leave it on play while I am in the other room.
Most of the trips I have been taking so far have been at night, and I live somewhat close to a rough part of town, so walking around outside at night is often not an option for me. So, I relish the thought of getting a few hours of daylight in during my trip. Maybe I will be able to walk around outside. It's winter though, so sunset is at 5pm, and it is now 3pm, so I won't have a lot of daylight time to walk, and it would also have to be right during the come up, which I don't exactly prefer to be publicly visible during. I think maybe I will have some time to walk outside, so I am feeling happy.
I begin feeling the weed edible a bit. It's mostly a chill couch potato feeling. I periodically walk between the home office and the living room to check if I recieved any other IMs from co-workers. I am somewhat worried about something going wrong at work and me having to troubleshoot while tripping balls, or someone asking me to come back to work, or asking me to do something complicated. Luckily, all of that stuff is fairly uncommon for my job, so I'm not too worried. I set an alarm on my phone for 4pm so that I remember to do this thing for my co-worker and don't just stay in la-la land accidentally.
At the 40 minute mark, I begin to experience mild visual noise disturbances. I can tell that I am starting to come up. I don't feel quite as stimulated as I did with the 1P-LSD, more like I am melting.
T + 1:00
My phone alarm goes off and I go into the home office and do the task for my co-worker. I kick things off and set another alarm on my phone to come back in 15 minutes. I am beginning to see rainbow auras all over things. I believe the weed edible is kicking in as well, as I begin to feel a body high coming over me. It is very 'couch potato'; I am most content simply sitting down.
I end up walking back to the home office every 5 minutes to check for IMs from co-workers. Every time I get up, I get a little tinge of anxiety that I'm going to walk into the home office and see something crazy. I remind myself that that's what this experience is all about, so I am put at ease. I am more worried about being asked to do something for work during this period, and having to navigate complicated technical stuff while tripping. When I am in the living room, I am jacking it to Mean Girls. I had no trouble maintaining a boner.
Eventually the process I had kicked off finishes successfully and I send an email out indicating that I'm done. Then I disconnect from my virtual desktop, as it is around 4:30pm and I can safely 'leave' work at this point. A feeling of relief immediately washes over me. I'm out! I'm done with work! The trip is just starting now too, and the santa scene is about to come on, so the timing is perfect. I worry slightly about getting a call from co-workers asking me to do something on my personal phone, but that is also rare so the thought is brief and ultimately the anxiety is extremely temporary.
I have a large window in my living room, and light is streaming through the blinds there. It has a rainbow aura to it, and the blinds create a bit of a pattern with the light. I take a moment to admire it. Then, I sit down and face the TV. A strong rainbow blurs the edges of my vision. The visual temperature of the living room changes as the colors on the tv change. The santa scene kicks off and so I whack it furiously. I begin to feel disconnected from my hand and then my penis itself, though I am still feeling pleasure. I don't get anywhere close to cumming, so I stop. I decide I'll keep watching the movie for a while.
I look out the window and see that my neighbor's wife is home. She is carrying some stuff inside and I swear she is watching and can see in through the window here. Not sure if she saw me yanking it (though I was doing it with my hand inside my pants), or what. I begin to get a bit paranoid, especially as it will be dark soon and much easier to see inside my house. I get up and close the blinds and then continue watching the movie.
As the movie progresses as Lindsay Lohan becomes a more popular girl, she starts to look more and more like a demon to me. Her eyes turn completely black, and the strands of her hair are sharp and pointy and very 'in your face'. Her lesbian friend's hair reminds me of a spider (long black strands). I eventually decide to stop watching the movie, as I'm not really enjoying it as much anymore. I pause on the netflix screen for a moment. There is an eerie silence in my house, and I have a flash of anxiety again. I get up and close the blinds on the back door too. Don't want anyone to be able to see inside.
I sit back down and debate what to watch. Then it hits me: The Lego Movie. I had wanted to watch this before while tripping, but I just wasn't feeling it during that trip. I've never seen it before either. But now, I am definitely feeling it. I put the movie on.
I have a distinct sensation of melting throughout my entire body. I feel as if I am slowly sinking into the couch and through the floor. My body has a rainbow aura around it, but conceptually it feels to me more like waves rippling away as I moved through the space like water in a pond. I begin to think that not only am I merging with my environment in a physical sense but also a temporal sense. I exist simultaneously in the past, present, and future.
I have no idea what to expect from the lego movie. It immediately launches into a fantastic lava landscape. The opening scene is very colorful and fast, and I can only think about how this movie was obviously designed to be watched on LSD. The eyes of the prophet lego guy are mesmerizing in their whiteness, swirliness, and rainbowness. I worry for the safety of the prophet guy as the main bad guy kicks him off the ledge and makes a joke. I actually find it to be very funny, and quite absurd.
T + 2:00
From this point onward, my memory is a bit hazy. I believe that I came up from the weed edibles and the LSD very close to one another, and my memory was a bit affected, so I'll try to convey what I remember experiencing.
The lego guy has instructions for 'How to fit in, have everybody like you, and always be happy!' and I am cracking up. I find the very notion of such a thing to be utterly preposterous. The lego guy's room is changing colors. I am not impressed by the visual of him taking a shower. But then I realize that the movie is in stop motion animation. I guess I wasn't entirely sure up until that moment in the movie.
He reads the instructions, and I have a brief thought that the instructions are going to be blank, or just turn out to be outright lies. I feel sorry for him that he doesn't have any friends except his plant. The lego guy goes to work, and there is a lot going on visually. I am having trouble keeping track of what is actually going on, as the movie actually has a lot of very quick cuts, but the soothing sounds of the 'Everything is awesome' song reminds that me that everything is in fact, awesome. As the guy loses his instructions and walks off the construction site, I am startled by another lego darting into the scene in the peripheral. The lego takes off their cloak and it's revealed to be a beautiful lego woman. It reminds me of a vision I once had of a woman's face while on LSD. I instantly feel at home, I feel as if the creators of the movie know what I had experienced, had it experienced it themselves, and wanted to recreate the moment for viewers. (the sequence is quite psychadelic even not tripping) The lego guy has a long drawn out 'uhhh' moment, which I find to be extremely hilarious, but also confusing briefly as it lasts so long and I am not sure if I am looping in time or what.
For some reason, the lego guy finds himself underground and walking over to something extremely trippy looking. He says he doesn't have his instructions anymore, and I empathize with him. I can't exactly tell what the object is he is moving towards. I'm not sure if it looks weird in the actual movie (it does) or if it's the acid working its magic.
The lego guy is then being questioned by police officers, and I am not sure what's going on. There is a good cop and a bad cop. I find it to be hilarious. My whole body is melting into the couch. Colors are changing, the entire room is breathing, the room lighting is constantly moving, I am definitely tripping at this point. The guy gets rescued by the girl lego and they go outside in the alleyway. He accidentally trips onto a lego which gets attached and the girl lego tells him that he is brilliant. I have a brief thought that he can do no wrong, that whatever he feels is right, is the right thing, and the lego guy just has to go with that feeling and everything will work out.
The next thing I remember is the legos saying to the guy 'You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe.'. It seems as if they are speaking directly to me. It's the soothing female lego saying it again. It's so awesome. I feel so good. I feel myself personified in the lego. I too doubt the words about what they are saying, I too lack the inner confidence in myself to believe her, but just like the lego guy, I want to believe. He answers that he is the special guy, and immediately is thrown out of his depth into an insane situation. A crazy lego motorcycle chase scene follows. My god, the movie is colorful. There are so many moving parts. Each lego itself is so complex, it contains so much information. And the lego world is infinite.
I begin to become confused with the plot. There are multiple moments in the movie where the 'you are the most talented...' speech is repeated again, and this confuses me. I believe it only happens 2-3 times in the actual movie, but I experienced it looping through several times. I begin to come up with a few different delusions as to what is actually going on in the movie, and I will explain them below.
1. All the legos are part of a single consciousness. The entire universe is a single consciousness and the big bang was that consciousness splitting off into separate threads of thought. The universe is just one giant big thought, and all consciousness is just processes trying to arrive at some answer. However, the processes can't agree on what the answer is, and thus they are unable to join back together and become one, ending the universe and solving the original problem. I see the lego guy and the lego girl as two parts of the same whole, and I see them struggling to understand that fact, getting very close, but unable to merge fully with each other because of a 'piece of resistance'. The piece of resistance is itself pure ego, pure selfishness, pure separation. There is a moment where the female lego admits she wanted to be 'the special' and the two legos come close to merging. I see the face of the male lego become gray and shiny like aluminum foil, looking like his face is being erased, but it's morphing into another face...what face is going to come? It doesn't come, because they aren't ready to merge yet.
2. The entire movie is just a stream of consciousness inside one person's head. The prophet lego guy and the girl lego guy are just guides to help him rediscover his own imagination. They are in the lego guy's mind, and it is empty. The other legos say how the guy is unremarkable, and the guy loses confidence in his own imagination. The legos are trying to help him rediscover that confidence in himself, in his own original thought. The movie itself seems so random that every scene I come to believe is just a part of the guy's stream of thought. The lego guy is just saying whatever pops into his head and it is coming to be reality.
3. As an offshoot of number 2, I also believed for a time that the legos were guides again, but they were trying to guide the guy to completely clear his thoughts. Knowing that doing so would mean that the movie/experience/consciousness would come to an end, it was bittersweet. I didn't want to leave the movie world, and neither did the lego guy. He just couldn't bring himself to end it. It's just like the universe; one giant big thought, but we can't bring ourselves to end it because we're scared or we don't want to go back to nothingness, or to lose our ego and become who knows what next time? We want to hold on to the experience and hold on to who we are, and what we know, because we are so certain of it in this moment. Ending the experience would mean ending our certainty, and having to deal with a whole new world of incredible randomness again; another trip launching off. Another thought launching off, which too would come to its inevitable conclusion, repeating forever and ever.
Physically I began to notice my heart beating extremely fast. I felt my chest, unsure if it was the ALD-52 or what. I think it was actually the weed edible causing this. I began to feel extremely hot. I laid on my side, sprawled out on the couch. I melted with the couch. I felt that my brain was melting and I was unable to comprehend the movie. I was sweating. I was laughing. I was crying. I was wiping mucus off my nose. I was too focused on the movie to actually be anxious about my physical condition at all.
At one point I paused the movie, got up, and took a piss. I pissed clear and in high volume, it seemed, so I figured I was fine physically, just tripping. I kept drinking water. Whenever I would go to the bathroom, as I stared down at myself pissing, I would always become slightly worried that the bathroom would suddenly go to crazy town and I would get stuck in there. I tried to keep moving my eyes and head while in there for that reason, to not allow any looping or visual recursion to completely take root.
Back at the couch, the movie eventually moved to a scene where the whole movie turned out to actually be will ferrell and some kid playing with legos in real life. I thought about how will ferrell and the kid were a part of the same consciousness, an old and young sentience. I thought about how our world itself could just be something bigger playing with us, forces outside of our control, a dimension we couldn't even comprehend. And those forces couldn't even comprehend our smaller dimension inside of everything. Everything looped together in some sort of infinite recursion of scale, where everything was bigger than something else, but you could pass through infinitely to wind up anywhere along the various levels of scale.
The movie eventually ended, zooming backwards out of the Warner Animation Group logo, which tripped me out. I actually thought the beginning of the movie was the same sequence reversed (though it actually just goes right into the lava after zooming into the logo). After the movie was over, I felt as if I had just gone through a tremendous experience. I sat on the couch for a moment, trying to comprehend what I had just watched, but unsuccessfully.
T + 4:00
Any confusion I had watching the movie had now vanished. I got up and moved around a bit. I felt extremely melty. Like I was a drop of water on a watercolor painting that hadn't quite dried
and was still in a liquid state, moving ever so slightly when one turned the paper, blending with everything else. I was super hot, so I turned on the house's AC. I took a moment to enjoy the cool air.
I felt extremely melty. Like I was a drop of water on a watercolor painting that hadn't quite dried
I decided to go outside and smoke a bowl. I turned on The Office on the TV so I could have some background noise instead of eerie silence. I ground up some weed and packed a bowl. I went and put on some jeans (I was wearing pajama pants) so I wouldn't look weird. I checked the temperature on my phone, and it was a cool 60 out so I figured it would be all good. It had rained earlier, so it was a bit wet. I walked out to the back porch and smoked. I stood outside for a moment, enjoying it. I thought about going to walk around, but decided against it. I was still very much hallucinating, and the shadows from the trees on the fallen fall leaves were very much morphing in front of me. I became paranoid that my neighbors would come out/could already see me, so I decided to go back inside. I could vaguely hear the sounds of The Office while outside on the back porch, which was comforting to me. It felt like I had someone to go back to inside the house, rather than just solitude and loneliness.
I decided to play overwatch. I found it a bit confusing to keep track of where everyone was. I had an urge to talk to people so I got on the mic, but couldn't find anyone who would actually talk to me. I played a healer (mercy) and ran around trying to heal the team, but doing a poor job. I kept yelling at everyone to 'Come to mama!' 'Suckle at my healing teat.' etc. I thought it was hilarious personally, and the other players seemed to obey my commands and tried to interact with me via emote.
Eventually I got bored with not being able to talk to anyone and ejected back to the xbox dashboard. I sat in the eerie silence of the house again for a moment. I looked at my watch, and I was somewhere between 4 and 6 hours (I don't remember exactly). So I knew I had some time still. This was my time. I always felt like the lucidity and clarity you get after the come up is your reward for making it through the ordeal that can be coming up.
I had never really tried to do closed eye visuals before, so I laid back and tried to do that. It wasn't really working. I decided to put on some music. EDM specifically, which then led me to turn on the movie XOXO to play in the background. I listened to the music, but wasn't really getting any visuals. I also kept opening my eyes slightly. I decided I didn't like laying down and instead got up and started dancing to the music with my eyes closed. I really enjoyed that. I felt a oneness with the space, and a confidence in my dance moves. I just freestyled whatever I felt like, and I started to feel that I was dancing in patterns extracted from the essence of the universe. All of my moves, mathematical in precision, an equation, a tidbit of information, a way to store and convey information to a discerning eye.
I danced with my eyes closed or while watching the movie, taking off my ear phones for scenes I particularly enjoyed. I would highly recommend this movie, personally. I would occasionally stop to lie on the couch as I began sweating, and also get up to pee. I looked outside. I was a bit alarmed to see a bunch of my neighbors' doors open and many cars on the street. But it was election night, so I think they were just having a party.
I had an idea while watching the movie for a style of dance that could be very subtley performed while simply talking to others at a party. It would slowly influence others to dance subtley themselves, and once the dancing reached critical mass, the subtley decreased and in a span of a few seconds the room suddenly would erupt into a dance floor. I scribbled the idea down on paper. I'm not sure if it would work in practical sense, but I think it's a cool idea.
Didn't really have any other major insights during the dancing/movie. Went back outside to smoke some more weed after the movie and then immediately came back in. Got on overwatch again and played some more. Actually made play of the game twice, got invited to some group, and played with them for a while. It was chill, and I had a good time, never told them I was tripping. After I got bored of playing, I turned on the office and looked at my group chat on my phone for stuff about the election.
T + 10:00
The visuals had mostly wore off by this point. I still felt intoxicated though, and unable to sleep. I suspect the intoxication was more from the weed edible. I put on The Office/Peep Show and watched various episodes while laying on the couch and browsing the internet from my phone. I was just enjoying vegging out, contemplating the shows, and laughing.
T + 14:00
Finally felt like I had come off the weed edible, and my pupils had returned to normal size. Went to sleep.
The next day
Felt pretty great the next day. No weird body tiredness or sensations, nothing negative mentally. Took me a while before I could articulate what I was actually thinking about during the lego movie. Went to work, and then came home and watched the lego movie. Had another edible to induce sleep faster. It turned out that the plot of the lego movie was nothing like what I remembered! But I'm also pretty sure it was made for tripping (psychadelic use is very common in computer graphics industry).
Compared to 1P-LSD, I found it much more pleasurable, with a much better body load (tremors is the only neutral/negative thing I experienced). However, the body load was probably confounded by the weed edible, so I can't definitely say what the substance would feel like taken alone. It could also be affected by mental state.
I am beginning to develop a theory about psychadelics, which is that they essentially ram hours/days/weeks/months/years worth of thinking into a very short time period in your brain (and that in fact, the experience of time dilation are those racing thoughts seemingly playing out in real time for you), and you aren't consciously able to process all of it. So your subconscious has to clean up the pieces after the fact, which can be why things are difficult to peice together afterwards, and sometimes it takes weeks before you feel as if you truly understood what happened during your trip. But, it's just a theory; I'm not a scientist. I'm just some guy taking drugs :)
What I took away from this trip was ultimately related to one of the delusions I believed about the lego movie; about not having enough confidence in my own original thoughts. I have recently been having a sort of midlife crisis (though I am young). I work in a very technical and non-creative industry, but I am a very creative person by nature. I chose to go into that industry for monetary reasons, but my creative side has not been able to flourish in such an environment. Recently, I have been getting back into doing more creative things, but I have had a crisis of confidence in my own work, believing that it's not good enough, being afraid of criticism, believing that maybe I am not a good enough original thinker/artist. Perhaps it's just being out of practice, but I felt extremely reassured by the 'You are the special' sequence in the movie. The memory and the experience of what I felt has stayed with me, and I have indeed felt more confident.
Can I take the advice I have seemingly been presented? That remains to be seen, and indeed, perhaps this wasn't the point of the trip at all and my subconscious will reason something else out of the experience. It's hard to know.
|Exp Year: 2016||ExpID: 109540|
|Age at time of experience: 26|
|Published: Nov 24, 2016||Views: 4,663|
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|ALD-52 (748) : General (1), Combinations (3), Alone (16)|
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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.
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