DOSE:	1 hit	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
	repeated	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

This trip was loony, crazy, and beautiful, but my recollection feels more like a dream than anything, so my recalling of the chronology of this blissful night may not be up to par. Please forgive me.

The weeks before the trip were horrendously stressful. A girl I had been dating was suffering from PTSD from childhood abuse, and I was showing symptoms of developing bipolar disorder. We ended up breaking up a week before I dropped, which sent me into a week of violent rapid cycling. Almost everyday, I would enter a period of deep, sorrowful depression and maybe I'd be jerked out of it by full blown mania, which was great until a few hours after when I couldn't stop shaking and started to experience bipolar psychosis. I was losing my mind more and more everyday, and reality was truly beginning to slip away.

We procured acid from the dorm next door (I'm in college). The acid was, without a doubt, the purest LSD one could get. They told us it was from a lab in Amsterdam, but at the end of it all, it didn't matter where it came from. It was very, very pure.

There were ten of us in total, one of us sober - her name will be G. We all dropped at 10pm, and split up for the next forty minutes to come up and then converge at a field. I went with my friend C to smoke cigarettes at this little overhang in front of the dorm building. There, I met up with a few girls who I was friendly with but never that close with. One of them, J, I knew fairly well though and she bummed me a cigarette to smoke with everyone. I told her I was about to come up, and she (has taken shrooms before) talked to me about it. It was cool to socialize as I felt this wonderful body high take hold. Colors were quickly brightening and details were more intricate then they had been before. After about maybe twenty minutes of smoking and talking (I don't know how long it was) when we felt it. I glanced at C, she looked back, and we knew we had to go. We stood up, and I saw my other tripping buddies coming out from the building. They smiled wide and we smiled back. We could feel the magic, but couldn't see it yet.

We walked to a rock where many students smoke pot to take a look at the night sky. Everything started to dance for me. The trees swayed back and forth, and lights just danced like ballerinas. I was in awe. I had never seen such beauty on a psychedelic before. I looked over at one of my other friends, who we will call C2. He was staring off, also stunned. He turned to look at me, being the experienced tripper he was, and said graciously:

'This is the best acid I've ever done.'

As our group roamed around the campus, I felt all my fear fade away... Why should I be insecure about the fun I'm having? Why should people suppress smiles in public if they're happy? Why does the burden of conformity rest upon those who are happy rather than those who are angry? And then, only an hour in, I realized that hate is fear and fear is bullshit.

We made it to a secret parking lot that my friends love to go to on acid as we peaked. We laughed, yelled, played, and were overcome with bliss and love. For a night, LSD had given us all a pass from our problems. We had a night to explore, be stunned, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. Waves of euphoria washed over my body, and it felt as if life was giving me an orgasm. The world was apologizing, showing me that it still was beautiful, proving it to me. I was in love with everything and everyone. The bipolar, the breakup, were so far from my mind... a get out of jail free card.

We made it to the field while still peaking and all laid down, staring at the stars. The stars swam around the sky, creating constellations. I was in total and utter awe. We were running around, laughing, giggling, hugging, and the best part was, unlike weed and alcohol, I was all there. My intellect was, for once, something I could enjoy. My jokes were clever, and I had many cerebral conversations. The people I was with are damn smart too.

This process of wandering around repeated itself countless times that night. We must have walked twenty miles. C2 and I, both avid readers, talked about Ken Kesey, and our group of trippers named ourselves 'the bus' for the night. You were either with us, a constantly moving entity of hallucinating humans, or you weren't. You were either on the bus, or off the bus.

As the night became morning and the acid began to wear off, the beauty became much more still. The world wasn't dancing anymore, but although still the magic was still there. I felt good, even though I had literally had zero sleep. We all, even G, swore that it was the best night of our lives.

It's been about two weeks since then. Since the trip, I've realized that I need to treat my body better. I strive to get fresh air constantly as well as eat healthier. It's paid off, too. I'm still getting smacked now and then by waves of depression, but I also still get euphoria. The mood swings have lessened as well. LSD made me much more aware of my body, and I stopped taking medicine that I now think was exacerbating the swings. Although that night fades into what feels like a dream the same way all memories do, I'm fine with it. I've finally found some value in myself. I'm far from cured, but at least I'm not entirely lost. I don't exactly know what I want, but I'm closer to figuring all that out. I also realized I need to be patient. I can't control getting over heartbreak, or instant success, or pretty much anything. I've just got to be aware of myself, and go with the flow. I'm only 19, after all.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109677
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: May 18, 2020	Views: 751
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LSD (2) : Depression (15), General (1), Large Group (10+) (19)