Citation: stockholmbaby. "Hollow: An Experience with Ketamine (exp109765)". Erowid.org. Feb 28, 2017. erowid.org/exp/109765
I insufflated about 200 to 250 mg of ketamine in the span of about 2 hours and my bad trip lasted about 40 mins in and out of K hole.
My friend and I were sitting on his couch making music and bumping Ketamine from a 500mg vial. He is an experienced user but this was my first time. We also shared a strong beer (8%).
I had tried K several times and could not feel its effects, I thought I could be immune to it or had a high threshold. I knew the K hole was supposed to be uncomfortable but I had no idea it could be so horrific.
I was taking large bumps, eager to feel the effects of the drug and unafraid because no one had ever warned me of it’s potential devastating bad trips. I was curious. My face felt like a stone, numb and heavy. The first effects were quite disappointing, similar to being too drunk. I would talk a bit too loud suddenly, my speech was a bit slurred and there was a wobble in my step. I had mild and sudden euphoria which only lasted a few minutes. I couldn't believe that people spent money on this drug. I could see that my friend was higher than me although I had taken more than him and he was getting ready to stop taking it. So I did one last large bump in an attempt to have a stronger impression of the drug.
I did one last large bump in an attempt to have a stronger impression of the drug.
I had already bumped about half of the vial. Then it took off.
I had to lay down because everything started to spin (similar to being way too drunk), all I could think was “oh no, where is this going”, at first the dream was quite interesting although devoid of happy or warm feelings. I felt “hollow” like a plastic shell and asked my friend to give me something to eat that was a “core” like a strawberry in an attempt to make myself “whole” again. I felt I had lost my core, my soul and my ability to feel connected.
I dreamt that I was an android figurine laying in a strange robotic landscape, a sort of robotic maiden on an electronic beach which was mostly black empty space with electronic green outlines. This was not a visual hallucination but a waking dream. I was still aware of my friend playing music next to me. The music which before had seemed agreeable and full of emotion was now a collage of empty sounds devoid of beauty. It started to bother me.
I tried to get up because I thought the effect would rapidly diffuse like it had been until now but I was stuck. I could hear what I was saying before saying it and I felt like I could see my body moving as a separate entity. Like I was watching myself on TV. This out of body feeling was coupled with an intense and intermittent nausea. I vomited a bit, hoping the nauseous feeling would go away.
I felt disconnected from my body, as if I had died and was merely and empty shell of what I had been. A scared robotic entity. Suddenly I would feel myself come back and I would call my friend to come reassure me but a second later I was back in the feeling like I would never feel human again. It felt HOLLOW, EMPTY and COLD. The opposite of cosy. I felt like someone could come in and kill me me and I would not care that much. My friend was trying to reassure me but he didn’t understand how traumatized I was. I tried to keep it together, I was only going in and out of this hole. I asked him how long this would last and almost fainted when he said an hour. He suggested a walk outside but this was impossible to me.
It felt like I was in a place humans were not allowed to witness, the mechanical backdrop of life, devoid of emotions and meaning. I looked at my friend and it was like looking at someone I had once loved. I could feel a strange sad tenderness, my friend seemed much older than he is, like a skeleton zombie sitting next to me and I felt scared for the friend I had loved and who was now distorted and reduced to a half dead creature like me.
I sat there and told myself that when I came back I would never take for granted how good life felt when you are an emotional warm core and that I never wanted to see this place again. I just wanted to come back.
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