Citation: Cheeze67. "The Main Thing I Like About It Is the Morning: An Experience with Sertraline (exp109931)". Erowid.org. Apr 26, 2018. erowid.org/exp/109931
I used drugs since I was 15. I began injecting heroin and cocaine after high school. There was always something wrong with me I felt. My folks brought me to doctors and shrinks when I was real young. I would refuse to go to school. Fear ran my life. My behavior was strange and when puberty hit something happened. It was around 7th grade that I stopped showering or brushing my teeth. I began to gain weight from eating. Obsession and compulshion along with depression and fear were beginning to show but I did not know. Then came the drugs and as I matured I lost the weight and was happier. After high school the real drugs took over and I can tell you that was the worst time of my life (my whole 20's). Many short term, long term, outpatient, detox, mental unit, mental/detox unit, halfway house etc later I finally got clean through a homeless shelter desperate and completely worn out of 'just one more time'.
I was 29 and went on sertraline. I had been on it before but never long before I would start getting high again. That hopeless feeling like it is no use was gone. I stopped biting my nails. I always suffered from a really sensitive penis and it made me level out so I could control if I wanted to ejaculate or hold off. Memories of times I did things that keep flashing in my head (the ones that make me cringe) were blocked and not thought of over and over. When I would talk to people I could look them in the eye and things never got weird. Sometimes I would think about what if I just spit in this persons face while we have this friendly convo. I dont know I used to think these things and it was scaring me. All these things got better. I started with 50mg and now I go between 100-200mg depending on whats going on. When my girlfriend died unexpectedly I went from 100-200 and I believe it helped.
The main thing I like about it is the morning. I would dread the world and want to stay and avoid life. I am just plain positive and will get up. Today I have a great job and faced the world to get to where I am. Cheers
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