Citation: Jamie. "A Beautiful Nightmare: An Experience with Phenibut (exp110035)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2022. erowid.org/exp/110035
Phenibut: A Beautiful Nightmare
So I was bored, I wanted to experience an easier version of drinking.
I wanted to experience an easier version of drinking.
I researched alot into it, and I knew it was addictive, But I didnt believe the website advice.
I started off slow, an eyeball of a gram or two every few days, I barely noticed it, as I dosed more I noticed at work I was drowsy in the mornings, I must have hit the right dose and suddenly I was getting euphoric at work, music sounded amazing and I was dosing a gram or two throughout the day, I was drinking alot of caffeine and it felt so good to talk to people, almost orgasmic. I saw no problems to this, my dreams were intense. I was soo horny, even dirty talking to females I wouldnt usually. One evening I walked to the shop for some cigarettes, it seemed to make me want to smoke more! A ten minute walk turned into half an hour, as I was so happy, I was sitting on walls texting females, and just felt so at peace with the world. I had almost forgotten I had gone 1 month, constant dosing.
Realization of addiction. In the middle of the night I would wake up in a sweat, I would wake at 3 or 4 am, totally awake even though I have work at 7AM, I would wake up sweaty and horny and watch porn, then I had to smoke, I'd look at the moon in complete amazement, of how beautiful it was. As its a sedative I'd take some more, and I would be off to sleep again. A few hours would pass and I took my usual dose before work, as soon as it kicked in, around an hour on an empty stomach, id feel physically sick, my body was telling me to stop, I'd vomit very little at work, then after that, I had mixed feelings, I was sedated, but had to drink coffee to stay alert. I'd feel amazing for five minutes, then shit for five minutes, it would bring me up and down. My tolerance built and it was taking more, a colleague asked if I had used cocaine the night before, as I was white as a sheet in the morning drinking a 4 pack of redbull. My speech started to slur. What I did notice is heights did not bother me anymore, I had no anxiety. Towards the end of the day and it was time to get home, I'd forget to look when I crossed the road, leading to a few near misses...This was a Huge wake up call.
Withdrawal....So what I've only used it for a month ? I decided just to take a small dose in the morning...and if I must redose when I get home from work...everything was fine until about 4pm my finishing time, I was on a bus that took forever to move, suddenly my heart was racing, I felt anxious, I felt as if there was shards of glass running through my veins, I was angry and scared, I was scared because everything I had read was happening to me. So what was I to do?
It was friday, I just had to survive one more day at work. I didnt want this substance in me at all, I skipped my morning dose, big mistake...I felt anxious all day, and for some reason I couldnt speak, my voice was slurred even though I hadnt taken anything, apart from minimal amounts, not even a gram, throughout the day. I filled up a capsule of pheni (my nickname) and left it on my bed. Knowing that taking that would make the bad go away instantly. But that was at home. On the way home from work I expirienced panic attacks, I felt as if I was going to die, I felt like everyone thought I was drunk, including work. One of the girls I had been flirting with I had arranged to meet for a drink....great I thought...I'm still horny and as booze hits the same receptors as pheni, maybe it'll help me.. Walking to meet her I felt like I was in a stone case, my heart was racing, my blood feeling like glass, I was having panic attacks constantly, I drank two pints quickly, I can handle over 30 units, but two pints put me on my ass, I was very drunk after just two, I took her back to mine and got it on, when she left I felt anxious and guilty, that pill on my table I knew would take it all away. I had been 24 hours without now, but I felt it would never end.
I awoke at six AM saturday morning with a sweat on, heart racing and fear of death. I got dressed and admitted myself into hospital, trying to explain with slurred words that I had become dependant on a substance they never heard before was embarrising and scary...I read online what I needed. I needed a benzo of some kind. I saw three doctors and had to explain that I had become addicted to a legal suppliment, that affects my gaba receptors, now I am going through a gaba withdrawal, the doctors didn't understand as I was telling them how to treat me. Finally a friendly understanding female doctor sat me down, took my blood tests and I explained it all to her, she asked me if I still had some, because its best to taper, and I said no, I had binned it as soon as I entered the hospitral out of pure hate for the substance/fear of it. I wanted it gone.
The friendly doctor said she had never heard of the drug before but she trusted me and looked it up. I hadnt taken it for 24 hours, she said well the good news is, we cant see it in your blood, it has a ten hour life. She left the room as she could tell I was in distress, and trying to supress a panic attack. She returned with a valium. As soon as she gave it to me I took it, and she spoke more as she spoke to other doctors, she returned in about ten minutes. Suddenly I felt normal, I felt I had woken up, I felt happy, I had no anxiety, I told her the valium had kicked in, and I felt perfect, she put me onto a water drip and gave me a prescription for a low dose of valium, to be taken when I felt an attack coming on. The amount she gave me was impossible to abuse, I think I had 6... 5mg tablets, which after the first day, I was biting in half and taking half doses, as I did not want to return for more.
To this day I still own phenibut, and I have used it since this situation, but I never use it more than two days in a row. It's now strictly for hangovers, or days I need a boost...
I have used it since this situation, but I never use it more than two days in a row. It's now strictly for hangovers, or days I need a boost...
I have never felt the euphoria and sexual arousal and MDMA like beauty of the world, I think I would need to daily dose for that effect. Which I never plan on doing again.
I wouldn't wish withdrawal from this on anyone, unless I truly hated them. It has now been made illegal in the UK, due to people like me, even though I didn't respect it, and got burnt, I still enjoy it in my life. Today if I take a dose before a long shift, by the time it kicks in I feel happy, and relaxed and I'm not looking at the clock counting down the seconds, but I know that I can only have this effect once or twice a week.
I'm lucky because at the time it was a legal substance, so on my medical record it reads I had a bad reaction to a supplement, if I got hooked today, it would say I was addicted to an illegal drug, destroying future jobs.
[Reported Dose: "Well over 5g a day"]
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