DOSE:	1 oz	oral	Ayahuasca	(tea)
	3.5 oz	oral	Lavandula spp.	(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

109 lb

This is the second night experience over a weekend I sat in a ceremony circle with a shaman, whom I’ve worked with before. My purpose for drinking the medicine has always been for spiritual exploration. In preparation I was on a specified diet for 7 days — no pork, no red meat, no sugar, low salt, no alcohol. In addition I also abstained from sexual activities. Before the ceremony, the shaman and I discussed how deep of an experience I want to have. The amount of ayahuasca given to me is based on that. I estimate the dosage to be about between 1 oz to 2 oz. Along with ayahuasca, I was also given 3-4oz of lavender tea.

[Background info: all of my grandparents have passed away at this point when I had this experience.]

Through the shaman’s singing, I am a bird lying on my side, feeling my feet close to me and my short legs. During a different song I am an insect of gossamer artificial and geometric wings. My body is similarly clear shimmering. I am on a net of many others like me.

Every 3rd breath I can smell lavender with me. She soothes me in the upheaval of my stomach. I have not felt this uncomfortable in my gut for a while in ceremony. I’m with it, also along with it I see the journey, beautiful colors, shapes evolving.

The discomfort continues for a long time. I feel the yawns starting in my gut and move up through my neck and nose and eyes. It pinches my nose from the inside and I squish my face. Sometimes I feel a big tear drop precipitously from my eyes.

Lavender transmutes my gut with the medicine. My discomfort is constant and constantly soothed. At the end I purge a glob of something. It’s round. I feel it’s a nugget of gold that my gut has been brewing. I laugh. I am happy.

All my grandparents are there. They let me know through my sense of smell. They also help me. They steady my hand in the middle of my disoriented nature to find the bucket, to sip water, to move the blanket around myself. I call for the helper at one point, who did not hear me. But I realize that my grandparents are there to help and I’m ok.

I cry because I miss them so much. I cry because they are here with me and I love them. I call them each and thank them. I ask them not to leave me because I feel afraid after I say thank you, people will leave. I feel them answering me and filling the hole in my gut that’s always made me afraid. They are not here to tell me I’m doing badly or wrong. They are here to support and help and only if I ask them.

I feel the pain my mother must have felt when her father died. I feel overwhelmed with sadness that she is missing him so much for so long. I feel her pain so much I feel as if my father is also not here anymore. [Note: my father is still alive.] I see the symmetry in our experiences.

I can’t think of anything to say or ask my grandparents. I can only repeat “thank you, thank you, thank you”. They answer me in knowing, not words. They come into my body and gives me strength. They show me that they are in my blood and they have always been with me. I cry in gratitude.

The next morning I feel that pit of anxiety is no longer shaky and hollow, but instead filled with gentle security. I know it is because my grandparents are with me always. I can reach there with my mind and feel reassured by their presence and wisdom.

This was one of the most powerful experiences I’ve ever had with the medicine and the resulting understanding has shifted many things in my life.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 110107
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 39
Published: Jul 2, 2017	Views: 1,406
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Ayahuasca (8) : General (1), Group Ceremony (21)