Citation: lust or lost. "I Let the Girl I Loved Walk Away: An Experience with Cocaine (exp110331)". Erowid.org. Aug 8, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110331
||(powder / crystals)
Coke and Love
This is the story of my fucked up nights of how coke took over my body and I fucking loved it then I lost the one thing I loved most.
First of all Me and D are both best friends, doing hood rat shit like usual, together constantly. One night finishing a party we are the only ones left awake cause we did a few lines basically all night. We got the coke for free so we thought it was necessary to split it all night. Feeling on top of the world we makeout for a bit then steal from all the people passed out at her house, then we go to another friends house and he turns out to be a drug dealer, with bongs, cocaine, thousands of dollars on the table and with drugs I have never heard of on it too. I was born to be bad girl not a good girl. We stayed up all night and I finally went home around 10am and slept all day.
A week went by without the urge of doing cocaine because I has a massive hangover, body was sore and mind was fucked, I only wanted to sleep so that is what I did, I slept for days after. Until I remembered how amazing the drug is, I ended up buying 2 grams for myself and my ex girlfriend I was about to see in a couple days.
The only thing I really liked about her was that she did drugs with me and the sex was amazing, I was totally okay with it because she always gave me coke, since her mom was a coke dealer and her coke was pure as fuck basically everywhere in her house. She gave me the coke and I would take coke and go to see D and do coke with her too.
I kept this up for a couple months then ended up breaking up with my ex because she was changing and starting to turn crazy, she did pint too and I was against it and she also did it behind my back. You might think I am exaggerating and shit but after we broke up she completely lied and told all of our friends I was abusing her even though I never once touched her, she also told them I had an STD even though that is not true at all.
D asked about what happened and if my ex was telling the truth or not. I told her the truth, she thought this was messed up and told me to get revenge. D also had a boyfriend who was dealing as well, he had a gun and so I thought we should raid my exes house and jump her house. I was completely coked out while we did this and D agrees so we go to her house while nobody is there and we steal about 3 ounces of coke, take $1800 worth of cash, a bunch of bars of xanax and also 5 grams of molly my ex had hidden I found. We trash the house completely and leave. I had no guilt, cocaine made me think I was doing the right thing.
Feeling completely euphoric from all the coke I have done, I makeout with D and she tells me she loved me, I think it was too many drugs or she was telling the truth Iím not sure, but we go back to her house and I take about ľ of the shit we stole and give it to her for free. Flexin and shit we take a bunch of cute photos and fuck afterwards. I wake up the next morning feeling completely sick, she tells me she loves me again and I know she was serious because she was sober this time, I do some more coke with her, feeling happier than ever we both take a shower together then we bag up a bunch of coke to sell.
Might I remind you that my ex had no idea who did this, so we were off the hook. D still fucked me regularly even though she had a boyfriend which I find completely hilarious. We end up making about $5,000 and we take a trip to the city, buying fake IDís we go to a club in the city, dealing inside and we both end up making over $800 that night. Even though we did probably 5 grams of cocaine the past couple days and my body was completely exhausted from not sleeping, and my tolerance was high from this as well, but we still go shopping the day after and spend about $3,000.
We get home and she breaks up with her boyfriend for me even though that wasnít what I wanted at all. I get mad at her for doing that and she started crying, I did not know why I freaked but it was because of all the drugs I was doing, I had bad mood swings and was very angry all the time.
I had bad mood swings and was very angry all the time.
I only cared about myself and told her to leave and she did.
By this time her mom is suspicious as fuck because D was never home and always at my apartment and searches her room, finds $500 I had her hide in her room, her mom flips and ends up finding 3 grams of coke, pissed off she charges her own daughter. I should have known better cause her mom was strict as fuck but I had my PO officer come to my apartment and decided to put shit at her house instead. I had most of our money at my apartment cause I lived alone. Her mom sent her away to juvie for a month and let me tell you I was completely okay with it. (I know Iím a dick, but being on coke for days straight I was not thinking straight).
By the time she came home I moved on, I was addicted to cocaine, I had my own vehicle, new girl and made over $11,000. She begged for me for about 2 weeks but I was over it, a month went by and I was completely fucked by then, my brain was different, she told me I changed but I denied. She left, I stopped doing cocaine and then realised she was the girl I first loved and I fucked her over completely. I asked for her back but she denied. After not doing coke for a while my withdrawal was very bad, I was very depressed, I thought everyone was out to get me, I did not want to get up out of bed.
I let the girl I loved walk away because I thought I was in love with cocaine. I never wished I gave her up, but shit happens. I still gave her $100 and flowers weekly because I loved this girl even though I was with someone. We end up graduating and she does not talk to me until prom she told me she loved me still but sheís going to college and asked me to never speak to her again.
Cocaine fucked me over, I thought I had control but I was completely wrong. Fuck cocaine but Iím still gonna do this line on my table, maybe she will come back around, if not I still have more coke to do.
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