Citation: pinkoffloyds. "How I Cured Myself of Opiate Addiction: An Experience with Kratom & Cannabis (exp110398)". Erowid.org. May 2, 2018. erowid.org/exp/110398
Okay this is hard for me to do but I want to raise awareness of the miracle plant that is Kratom & Cannabis. I also will be explaining HOW I got on opiates and drugs in general, what effect they had on my life and those around me- and how I beat the habit.
Unfortunately I'm in a state where Cannabis is still illegal and have to resort to buying kinds that might not specifically be for my ailments which I use these plants for very religiously now that I learned and experienced their benefits after putting my body through absolute hell for over a decade. But I lucked out and managed to get some pretty good 'body' weeds for sleep and relaxing and to kill most...stomach issues.
I want to put out I am a recovering opiate addict, I used opiated sense I was only 13 I was scripted a benzo for panic attacks (Xanax 2mg x2 daily) and 10/325 Hydrocodones instructed to take 3 a day (30mgs of the narcotic). I was getting 90 of each at the time at the age of 13.
They also gave me 20mg Adderalls but I sold them all for weed and LSD and other party favors as I was in my dog days as I call them. (14-19) I was on drugs every day- I'd go pick psilocybe cubensis mushrooms from our local TX fields and trip balls for days, eating acid, ecstasy, smoking PCP & buying water bottles of GHB. I was the kind of user who loved party drugs, I never really liked opiates or benzos as a kid even though I grew up taking them but I felt it was for legitimate reasons as I have chronic back and leg pain, sciatica and chronic migraines which get to the point I vomit from the pain, my father also has the same condition with his migraines and uses a barbiturate to control them, he tried to give me a few before getting on pain killers to see if they would help but they made me feel extremely drowsy and overall just a bad and pissed off mood..
I dropped out of high school my senior year as I was never well anymore, I wasn't like my peers, even the 'stoner' kids I just wasnt myself anymore, I had long long shaggy ass hair, never kempt, my skin was discolored and not fair and tan like typical, I had lost about 20 pounds over the summer which consisted of constant stimulant abuse (smoking and snorting crystal meth every day for around 6 months, and had my first IV of any drug, it was a small ball of brown shit called 'Black Tar'. I for some odd reason by now got to the point with my pain killer dependence I would tell students to go search their mom and dads medical cabinets for drugs X & Y and ect. If they got it, bring it to me tomorrow and ill getcha whatever you need, money? Weed? Some other kinda pills? How bout some acid? I was selling drugs out my house, I even had to sell to keep the fuckin lights on one whole year I was obligated to push weed and acid (it was big stuff at my school plus I could buy sheets for 150 bucks, sell for 10 a pop and make a grand off a single sheet..) I was making to much money to fast to young and out of my head on meth and by then going through my prescriptions like it was candy. Id get my 90 narcos and they would be gone completely in 4-5 days and then id be selling my personal belongings and go score roxys which were a buck a milligram. I could snort as much as you put in front of me, I am not a big dude at all in any way but I was taking literally 150-180mgs of Norco a day and up to 200-250mgs of roxys a day into the late night and I never EVER had enough. I could have thousands of pills and still wouldn't be satisfied. I had a huge problem and it was just about to get worse.
I started waking up in cold sweats, 10x the amount of pain I'd felt before getting on opioids. I remember not being able to see the MD one month and they could only give me Tylenol 4s. Which wasn't gonna fuckin cut it even though they gave me 120 of them. I took 400mgs of it a day til it was gone, regretted I had not sold them, sold the last of what I owned aside my bed, scored a pencil (a syringe) and a big ball of heroin for cheap, I was sick, still never had ever IVd shit- didn't fucking care, I hadn't used at that period for about 12 hours and was in post acute withdrawl, I was also in benzo withdrawl. My friend came over and was gonna shoot me up. We will call him A, he slammed Opanas and Meth and was the one who I first really used all drugs with from our first LSD trip to my first line of Crystal Meth. He gave me 2mgs of klonopin which killed my anxiety completely, I hadn't slept either I was pretty wired from doing some lines that morning and all through the previous night and day..
I was pouring sweat, shaking and pissing out of my ass and dry retching, still not feeling the klonopin as it takes about 2 hours to peak and this all took place in about 10 mins. He pulled a needle out his briefcase full of drugs, opened a fresh one, and put a small little brown ball of a sticky vinegary smelling substance next to me, he told me to give him a 'cooker' or a spoon. I got him one, he bent it up and put the ball on it, added some saline, heated it with a zippo. He put the tip of the needle into the small piece of wadded up cotton and drew the substance into the pencil as I saw all the brown liquid in the spoon disappear into the chute of the needle. He said 'hold out your arm and squeeze your hand a few times you got pretty good veins you got choices unlike me- lucky fuck'.
I said 'please shut up and just hit me', he nodded and was very focused and careful, he quickly plucked my vein and then stuck it in at an angle, lifted up on the plunger, I saw my blood plume up into the needle and I had to look away- I couldn't fucking believe what I was doing. I even though to myself 'so this is it. The day my lifes going to go to fucking shit it happens right now..' so much negativity went through my mind but it was all about to stop.
I looked over and he began pushing down and the substance was now from the bag to the spoon to the needle now in my body. I began to cough immediately and I went flush, my eyes tunneled, I felt a light wave of impending dizziness and my eyes rolled back into my head and I began falling out almost immediately, I noticed I had a smile, I was completely couch locked and could barely keep my eyes open. I began to itch horribly all over and then something bad happened, I jumped up and felt like my fingers and hands were being stung from every angle with little pins and needles and I was exclaiming 'OW DUDE FUCKING OW OW OW MY HANDS MY FUCKIN HANDS'.
I looked over and A was laughing and said 'oops I might of missed a little if that's going on, just chill bro it will pass you aint gonna get cotton fever or anything, I just missed a little that's all'. 'I THOUGHT YOU SAID I HAD CHOICES MOTHERFUCKER'.
Ugh. Anyway I felt like heaven the entire night, A joked '(my name) is a official fuckin dope head! My fuckin boi!!!' I told him to shut up again and he said 'Just kidding' no sick no bad side effects other then him missing a little of the shot. I later read this also happens if not all the morphine is properly converted in the process of heroin production but I know nothing about that. I'm no chemist. We spent the next hour by snorting a few lines of Ketamine and we each ate 2 capsules of 6mgs 2C-E each (totaling 12mg) (my favorite 2C-x chemical to boot). A used the needle he used on me to shoot up some meth. I even asked 'bruh, why are you using the same fucking needle now.' He said 'cause I know you don't IV you aint got no disease motherfucker'.
He did the same ritual but with Meth, he was doing this at least 3 times a day in heavy amounts. I never seen anyone do as much crystal as A in my life but he always had a quarter bag or a half oz of the shit. And anytime he came over which was often nearly daily he would smoke me out or give me some hot rails and leave me a few pinches of crystal for letting him stay the night instead of kicking my best friend out on the curb. Or just kicking his fucking ass like I should of..
Anyway time goes on and I'm a SR now in high school, look and sound like shit, sneaking to the bathroom every few minutes for a bump of meth or a quickie with some heroin. Take all my friends to the 'mens' bathroom and hand out acid and bumps. I was now getting my peers on drugs. And some of the girls and dudes I supplied are to this day addicts. I've never forgave myself even now that I'm sober. A wound up passing out in a K-hole and I decided to go steal his heroin and pills. I grabbed his bag and took a bagfull of narcos and percs, and a bag with a few little bags of Heroin, probably around 4 grams in all.
I realized I was so sick and different from everyone I knew. I had nobody to relate to or tell my shit to- everyone knew I was one of the 'bad kids' with no future and the only thing I'm good for is getting your dope for a party... Not the reputation I wanted. I also left my fiancÚ of 5 years I was 19 at this time, right after this I went and skipped, went to some apartment with some Mexican gangster fuckheads and shot more heroin, went back to school, passed out, almost got arrested, wandered in a stupor trying to find my purpose or something I guess. I was just fucked up.
I went home and did more drugs. I was interrupted by my entire family barging in my house and they were after my mom. She had been caught with cocaine and nobody could believe it. I didn't want to deal with anything and they took her car so I had no ride to and from school now and no money, no friends that went to a 'good' school over 20 miles away into the next city like me- I was screwed. They tried to get some of my hair to test me but I slammed the door in my grandmothers face and all my uncles cousins and my step brother and sister. I immediately wanted to use and I did, I used a lot. I don't even remember the rest of the night other then asking my mom if 'that coke was some good shit?'
I dropped out the next day. The last time I saw my friends from that school was rare, once at a party but I was so high on acid and heroin I didn't care, I took acid a lot to as I felt it took away from the normality of life and monotony of just doing heroin every day. I even had a name for it, I called it 'the neon nod' I was still hippying It out but man I was a fuck head- I began stealing to support my habbit, even from my family, I abused every privilege and every chance I could get if I knew I could stay a day without being sick from it- I'd do it. I became a slave to pills and heroin, I couldn't get enough, the feeling is irreplaceable to me, also my fiancÚ leaving me that same year after having so much planned. I was literally left in the dirt. I felt like dying, I looked down the barrel of a .38 caliber snubnose 'cobra' revolver I own. Loaded it. Put one in the chamber. A hollow point. Perfect. Ill only feel it for a second. I just have to get over that first hump and its lights out. A permanent rest. But I didn't have it in me. Every time.
I cried myself to sleep, all I could think about was how I fucked everyone over in my life for my own vices and how I cheated everything... And the love I'd given up for this disease. This filth...
I looked down that gun barrel so many more times then I want to even admit. My best friend Z had shot himself only months before, he never even said bye, my other friend K was executed in the street over a drunken argument I'm sure dope was involved. My new girlfriend left me so she could go shoot up meth in some tweaker pad. I am the one who introduced it to her... I got another girlfriend, she left me for the same reason, I thought to myself 'I've killed them... I am so fucking ashamed... I just want to die!' 'I cannot fucking handle this guilt anymore man. I'm in so much pain and I'm so heartbroken I don't know what to even do with myself I have no car no job no goals no motivation. I'm just living fucking day to day- no, hour to hour just to keep from getting sick and I'm not cool I'm a fucking loser. I've fucked everything I know and love up to the point of irreperation, I am fucking SCUM and I deserve every bit of this pain but please don't let it be all of them... It was fucking me it was all my fault this happened to me and to them I am responsible. And DONT say no, its not your fault...' :( ..
I began to burn myself with cigarettes to punish myself. I found smoking pot by now to just be a chore. Why spend 50 bucks on a O of some home grown when I could go get 5 balloons of heroin and possibly die with a fake smile. At least my parents wont have to clean up my fucking skull off the ceiling... And maybe they would think it was an accident if I was to overdose. But do they even care? They made me sell drugs for them after all at a point. But its MY fault. Everythings always been my fault. I would miss them so much and I want a kid I want a family I want a wife but no wonder my fiancÚ left me. How would she tell our child when daddy gets upset he likes to burn himself and stick needles in his arms. He lets this little fucking thing rule his life. No wonder shes gone.
Anyway, I decided after a few years, three to be exact I couldn't do it anymore, I completely put off doing heroin, I got on methadone, but it was a fucking SCAM, I got up to 100mgs a day and every day still would wake up sweating and in pain, total anxiety and still thinking day to day how am I gonna get tomorrows fix? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET THROUGH A DAY LET ALONE A HOUR WITHOUT OPIATES. I'm A FUCKING ADDICT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES
I became irrational and I didn't care about anything but my liquid handcuffs now, just replaced heroin with orange flavored tang laced with a very strong opioid (some people say methadone doesn't get you high but I can say they are fucking lying that shit feels like a shot of dope to me, especially if your on benzos like me). I used cocaine off and on through this time period as well as I picked up drinking beer, up to four pints a night. I was living total hell, I remember listening to a song... I cried. Looked back at my life at the young age I am of 23. Id been going to this clinic for about 250-something days. I wanted out.
Problem is- I'm still addicted and only made it down to 40mgs of methadone over this huge time period. I was proud of my progress and I came back negative for any STD's / STI's, no TB, but I did test positive for some really abnormal liver function readings which I do not know what that means yet. I have yet to go to a dr. Its been a year sense I found this out, my kidneys aren't doing well either. I also noticed I have grown a pain that feels like a slight throbbing in my kidney area on both sides. It happened first when I was on a RC called 25B-NBOMe when I was 18 or so. Still on meth then lol.
But I decided for myself THE NEXT DAY- I was going to tell the clinic 'take your 170 bucks and shove it up your ass cause I'm not coming back'. And that's exactly what I did.
I decided if I'm going to do this foreal, I'm going cold turkey NOW. I spent 3 days in bed sweating, pissing out my ass, crying, in constant pain, RLS to the max, no ability to sleep (I didn't get any sleep til my 6th day) and on that 6th day I was completely delirious and realized I needed sleep. I only had Xanax to get me through this- I still couldn't sleep though, I only slept my 6th day due to exhaustion.
I slept over 10 hours, woke up and decided to goto my local smoke shop to buy some Kratom as I was doing research on it online and was very interested. Especially sense it was legal and organic it gave me a lot of hope which I needed. But it didn't just give me hope, it gave me life as I speak. I had tried it a few times before in 9 gram doses (some kind of red strain) that one of my methadone buds parents take for pain instead of taking painkillers and it got me through withdrawal once already I knew that day so why wouldn't it now? I bought 2 bottles of a Maeng Da strain and was given 2 sample bags of Bali. I took a mixture of both every day until my 15th day and I began to get my sleep back, the RLS was gone completely!! This is good cause that is what keeps most awake when in opiate WD. Just a general feeling of uneasiness trying to sleep, no way to get comfortable, well all that changed the day I bought that Kratom, best decision I ever made.
I decided to order some online that day from the same vendor my friends parent get and the shipping was absolutely free and was much cheaper and wholesale other then what you would get at a smoke shop w/e.
I take 10 grams a day now, but I am only a month clean today
I take 10 grams a day now, but I am only a month clean today
, the withdrawl is non existant when I take Kratom, I feel better on it then I did on any opiate, not only does it take the pain away and give me sleep, it gives me a balanced state of mind and clears all that brain fog, I am so clear headed, and it does produce a sort of euphoric feeling but it depends what kind I'm buying, I personally love red borneo and bali for the most classic opiate-esque high, but I also love the maeng da which I take during the day to get through my harsh labor (I work construction so I wear and tear my body a lot) and the other strains for if the pains intolerable or if I'm out I double up on the maeng da and it produces a calming effect and all kinds are also good for general anxiety and social anxiety, I even was able to go from 4mg Xanax daily to 2mg. I haven't had a single opiate or opioid drug in 30 days today and I don't ever plan on going back cause I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day (if you catch that reference your awesome).
If I made it through this, god, I know others can, the only other things I took other then kratom and my Xanax was a mens multi vitamin and vitamin c's, plenty of food (when I could eat, even if I knew I was just gonna ass-piss it out). I wasn't a bitch when it comes to withdrawal I took it hour by hour, hell minute by minute some days! But you have to understand I had to WANT THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING, or I could fail and fall into my old ways of the cycle that is- using dope and drink-
I despise both now and I wish I could tell every addict on the face of this planet there isn't anything they cant do, the creator wouldn't give us anything more than we can handle, and you can handle an addiction and kick it in the ass, I sure did. I never EVVVVVVVVVVVER thought I'd be saying 'I am sober today' I'd used opiates for 10 years, and it GETS EASIER. Personally my first 10-15 days were not good and the first 7-10 were horrible but you gotta sacrifice a little to gain. I'm not telling you its going to be easy what so ever but if you want it to be easy you gotta sit down with yourself, look over your whole life, take that first step admit out loud if you must 'I have a problem and I'm fixing it today' and go from there. That's what I did... I just quit. Just like that.
I even go days without using kratom to keep my tolerance to a minimum since I enjoy its feeling now, but I don't always need it now. Kratom and Marijuana work great. Kratom moreso- but I always use one with the other it synergizes well. Very calming, exciting even, yet familiar and instead of shaking hands with Mr opiate its like I'm waving at him from afar.
I hope I can keep this up- I'm 30 days clean, I cant even believe it. I really cant. And I owe a thanks to Kratom.
------ 4 Days Later ------
I have only been clean 34 days from methadone, even last night I had a dream I was buying some off the street and chasing it down with orange tang. I had a bad morning, sweating, body pain, anxiety you name it. I am in the stage of PAWS right now, I look a lot better but am still suffering to an extent. After about 15-20 minutes the kratom had a major effect on my mood in a very, very good way. I just felt awesome to be honest, I didn't think I'd like kratom as much as I do now and if you were to put an opiate in front of my face and a fat dose of kratom on the other, I'd take the kratom every time.
Its amazing I thought, I am not sweating anymore and its only been a hour, I'm not nauseous at all, I did total a half an ounce that day I'd taken but still had no nausea whatsoever, not a single hint yet if I drink 3 or 4 pints of beer I'm dizzy and spinning nauseous but that's the thing!! I've taken opiates so long I'm used to that 'type' of heaviness on the stomach and hell sometimes even methadone would make me throw up randomly but I never once have been nauseous on kratom personally.
I feel subtle effects with the Maeng Da, some stimulation but no rapid heartbeat as with an actual full blown stimulant (example- Cocaine) I would get rapid heart and murmurs, a general feeling of chest tightness but this never happened with Kratom, even on the so called 'stimulating' strains. It was a mood boost if anything and a clearing of any and all mental fogginess, I had a general clairity of thought and sight, then the pain killing effects begin for me as a numbness/tingling in the fingers, hands and my feet and my head (literally in my head like my brain is being tickled).
A smile comes over my face, my pupils constrict as if I'm on an opiate, my head and nose start to itch a bit and my arms its very mild- like taking 10mgs of oxycodone but not the same in the least its just such a good feeling and independent I have almost nothing I can compare this feeling to- the bali added some extra sedation, when I took the Bali on its own (a 10 gram dose) it was a lot more muscle relaxing and sleepy of a high then the clear headed, 'stimulation' I feel from Maeng Da. I liked them both equally but if I had to choose one strain the rest of my life id go for a Red Bali & or Red veined Borneo.
I also nodded out once on this, it was the Maeng Da strain and I had not realized I was literally nodding out, it only happened once though and it was more of a lucid dreaming state then a literal opiate nod in where I don't really care about anything and don't think- this was actually kind of introspective like a psychedelic nod... or dare I say 'a neon nod'? lol
Time flew by really fast, I was able to get work done I would never have been able to do dope-sick, it had been a few hours and I decided I wanted to top myself off with some more Bali in preparation for sleep. I ate 2.5- 3 more grams (making my overall dose a bit over half an ounce) and lit a bowl of weed and topped that off with some hash I had made the previous night and was now ready for smoking. I chopped some up, put it on a bowl, melted it and took some pretty mean tokes and was high as a kite within 10 minutes. I slept soundly but had opiate dreams.
I was a little nervous about this plant when I first tried it but I deem it harmless and that says a lot considering how many times I nearly died taking pharmaceuticals but literally kilos of this plant do nothing negative to my health???
I also did not experience the inability to pee like I did with opiates. I'd say this plant changed my life for good. Bye Bye mr opiate.
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